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Personal Statement

Lonyo

Lifer
This is a guide type thing
These look like some applicable guidelines too
Bear in mind this is UK Uni, so you may not write the same sort of thing in the US 😛
And I haven't had any part time jobs. This is also just kind of a first draught.

I'm applying for Ancient Egypt and Ancient Near East Studies OR Classical Civilisations/Ancient History (basically ancient Greeks and Romans).

I like finding stuff out. Be it about technology, history, or almost anything. There?s always something we see that we don?t know about, or haven?t got a clue where it came from, and it?s fun to find out. I always used to take apart toys, or even pens and torches, to find out how they worked. While this was fun for a while, I wanted to explore deeper, and finding out about where we, as people, came from in terms of our society and way of thinking, is to me much deeper than how many springs a pen has.

There is so much scope and challenge to be had in the past, finding out what happened, and why it happened, or working out where things went wrong. To me, this is like a fairground, where there are many aspects and avenues of thought to explore, and there are always unique and interesting things to consider and do. The ancient world is what I would consider the beginning of western civilisation, the Latin language of the Romans, or the trade and diplomacy of Ancient Egypt. It makes an obvious starting point for exploration in further education, and gives opportunities and challenges in all aspects of learning. ?Ancient Egypt: A Social History? gave a good background to the development of Ancient Egypt socially, and Homers classics, the Iliad and Odyssey are very rewarding reads, and insightful into the virtuous nature presented in ancient times.

I hope that within school, my study of Psychology will give a basis for anthropological thought, and may also help understand some of the medical challenges faced at the time, with possible misconceptions of mental diseases, which while in a modern world may be recognised, could be grossly misconstrued in times of limited knowledge. Mathematics should help give a good grounding for logical thought, especially important when considering aspects of ancient philosophy, which I have briefly covered in my Religious Studies AS level. I believe Chemistry may be useful as it may aid understanding of dating techniques and preservation of finds, and why some finds are in better conditions than others. It also may aid in practical skills when handling historical artefacts. Outside of school, I have studied a small amount of Latin, which I believe may be useful in linguistic aspects a course, and give a good base for study of texts.

Within school I have helped at various open days and other school events. I feel my teamwork and interpersonal skills have been developed by participating in school sports teams, such as athletics and rugby, and participating in house sports events within the school.

For my work experience in year 10, I went to Guernsey to help at the states education department installing school computers. This involved use of logic and organisational skills, and required teamwork to co-ordinate installations. In year 12 I worked at HP as part of the sales team, and this also required organisational skills, as well and time management to make sure I did my tasks quickly enough, as the work was quite demanding. It also gave me the chance to find out more about computers, and how things happened ?behind the scenes?, which was intriguing.

Obviously there will be a more refined finish, but tear it to pieces, or let it rot down to page 10 😛
 
Sorry, dude. You lost me at "finding stuff out".

Maybe you could explain in detail the brand new discoveries you made taking apart your first pen...how you were mesmorized at how that spring thingy pushed out the plastic thingy with the black stuff in it. Of course, you don't have to use "thingy," but bring the reader into your mind. Be creative.
 
Ok... first of all. "I like finding stuff out"? What are you trying to say? You like to find things? You like to figure things out? What are you figuring out? A solution to a problem? Do you mean you like learning? 😕

Last sentence in your 1st paragraph... you're rambling. Either that or you're being too trigger happy with the commas.

I think you need to get a stronger opening paragraph. That "I like finding stuff out" just doesn't grab me. Why not open with a question or something. "Why is there something blah blah when there's blah...etc" Perhaps you know something interesting to start with.
 
It feels too... fake?! I know, its supposed to give an impression of you, but it feels like just a total act.

Look at it from a tutor's perspective. They've seen tons of bullshit go through UCAS. All those fake "im so interested".
Surely they wanna know WHERE you applied all your skills, not what you think?

Besides, the tutor statement is the real key into a good university. Better get ass kissing, especially with the piss poor "i think" statements.
 
God, you write like I tend to do at a first pass. 🙂

My suggestion is to start simply by writing a paragraph or two for yourself to explain why you really want to get into the program, and what you hope to get out of it. Keep it honest, simple and clear no matter how stupid it may sound to you.

Then build from there.







 
If you want I can send you a copy of my application essay as an example. Just post an e-mail I can send it to.
 
Yikes. Make sure you drop the entire first paragraph.

While it is a good idea to talk about yourself, personally I think that you need to skew so it talks more directly about the program you're trying to enter. Apparently you're limited to no more than 24 lines of text.

Perhaps you can start off by telling us, AT, what makes you interested in Ancient Egypt and Ancient Near East Studies and Classical Civilisations/Ancient History. I don't think you're communicated that properly.
 
Quickly reading, your statement seems very overarching. Don't we all like finding stuff out? Why do you need to go to grad school to find stuff out?
 
It isn't really important. As long as your grades are good you and your teachers write a some what good letter for you, you are fine.

Well if you want to go to Oxford or Cambridge you will need something special in your letter.

Where are you applying to? I'm in the UK. Going in to my last year of CS in fact. I'm at KCL.

Koing
 
For my personal statement that i sent along with my applications to law school, i did a little storytelling rather than a simple expository/persuasive. If you want to see what i mean, shoot me a pm and i can email it to you.
 
Originally posted by: aphex
For my personal statement that i sent along with my applications to law school, i did a little storytelling rather than a simple expository/persuasive. If you want to see what i mean, shoot me a pm and i can email it to you.

YGPM
 
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