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Parents: Let the baby cry or pick him/her up at night?

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Originally posted by: LukFilmDon't worry, the roles will switch when they hit their teenage years 🙂 My son is nine months tomorrow and still wakes up for two nightly feedings which I promptly provide 🙂
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I don't know. My wife and I were both pretty terrible to our parents through our teen years 🙂
 
Originally posted by: Gunbuster
Sleep with the baby in your bed like the rest of the world (besides america) does
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Michael Jackson is american and he sleeps with yougins..

So that breaks your stereotype.
 
Originally posted by: redly1
my son is 3 1/2, my daughter is 1 1/2

we let my sone cry
we pick the daughter up

my son is a pshyco
my daughter is a sweetheart

YMMV
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LOL, that's great. 😛
 
Just extend the interval between visits. Wait 5 minutes, comfort, and go back to bed. When crying starts again, wait 10 minutes...then 15... A few days or a couple of weeks usually is all it takes.

Caving in could end up putting the child in control of your life, and correcting that could be very painful for both.

Your pediatrician should have advice as well.
 
this is a great thread,
we have afour month old and for now we put him to sleep around 9 pm in his crib and he sleeps there for a few hours (about 3 or 4) then when he wakes up, we put him in our bed where he breasts feed and then sleeps quietly the rest of the night.
any other thoughts?
keep them coming...


ps: I think we should start pacifier thread 😀 my son uses the pacifier a bit too much, and i don't like it 🙁
 
Originally posted by: damiano
this is a great thread,
we have afour month old and for now we put him to sleep around 9 pm in his crib and he sleeps there for a few hours (about 3 or 4) then when he wakes up, we put him in our bed where he breasts feed and then sleeps quietly the rest of the night.
any other thoughts?
keep them coming...


ps: I think we should start pacifier thread 😀 my son uses the pacifier a bit too much, and i don't like it 🙁
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i said it earlier in the thread and i'll say it again. i don't think this is a right/wrong issue. its really what is the family comfortablewith issue. there are pros and cons to having the child leave the parents bed earlier vs later.

go with what makes most sense for your family.
 
I'm a father of 3

All three have slept with us until about 18 mos. My wife breast feeds and it is alot more convenient for her to leave them in our bed and mom wont have to get up and down throughout the night.

In regards to the crushing statements.... I am not saying it doesn't happen... but I will say it is very RARE and doesn't touch the mortality rates in other countries as suggested. I am 6'4" and 320lbs. I have never come close to crushing my babies or suffocating them. I might end up with an arm or leg under me but that doesn't harm the baby. God/Nature/Allah has wired us to know when we are in that proximity while asleep with our kids. I feel that it is very natural and beneficial to the child and to mom and dad. There are nights when I wish I could cut the legs off of the feet digging into my back that's another post all together. The only other problem was my first baby kept trying to latch onto my back when she started to roll around in bed... talk about a rude awakening.

Now to answer you original question... It really depends on what you and the wife want to do. There is no absolute here, you can let them scream and they will eventually stop and go back to sleep and after a while, it will be a habit for them. We tried that with our first child and she screamed for 3 hours (clean and dry, no gas)... it wasn't the 1 hour that all the books promise. At the 3 hour mark, we decided it wasn't for us.
 
Originally posted by: TheGameIs21
I'm a father of 3

All three have slept with us until about 18 mos. My wife breast feeds and it is alot more convenient for her to leave them in our bed and mom wont have to get up and down throughout the night.

In regards to the crushing statements.... I am not saying it doesn't happen... but I will say it is very RARE and doesn't touch the mortality rates in other countries as suggested. I am 6'4" and 320lbs. I have never come close to crushing my babies or suffocating them. I might end up with an arm or leg under me but that doesn't harm the baby. God/Nature/Allah has wired us to know when we are in that proximity while asleep with our kids. I feel that it is very natural and beneficial to the child and to mom and dad. There are nights when I wish I could cut the legs off of the feet digging into my back that's another post all together. The only other problem was my first baby kept trying to latch onto my back when she started to roll around in bed... talk about a rude awakening.

Now to answer you original question... It really depends on what you and the wife want to do. There is no absolute here, you can let them scream and they will eventually stop and go back to sleep and after a while, it will be a habit for them. We tried that with our first child and she screamed for 3 hours (clean and dry, no gas)... it wasn't the 1 hour that all the books promise. At the 3 hour mark, we decided it wasn't for us.
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i think most books also recommend that you do take action if the child seems to be going into hysterics. crying is one thing, crying hysterically is another.
 
I used liquid benadryl liberally when my daughter was younger.

The argument I liked best about the crying vs picking up was to ensure the child was ok & then allow them to cry.

She just got top student in social studies & won top student in choir, so it didn't toast her little brain, may have done damage to other organ systems though...

BTW, I feel your pain, felt like I didn't sleep for the first 2 years of her life...
 
My son started sleeping all night long when he was 2 months old, so we didn't have to worry too much about this. Also he never took a pacifier, which I am very happy about, I can't stand seeing 3-4 year old kids sucking on a pacifier. But if the baby is crying, don't ever just turn the monitor down and ignore him. You have to go in and check to see if anything is wrong! I would pick him up and hold him for a few to make sure he is ok, then let him lay back down.... Didn't want him to get used to us coming and holding him whenever he would cry, start a bad habit.
I wouldn't want to sleep with a small infant, you can roll over on them too easily, break a tiny arm, block their mouth with your pillow or something. Would you want to take that chance??
 
Originally posted by: conjur
Depends. If they're crying *because* you put them down or it's their bedtime and are fighting it, letting them cry it out is the best. Otherwise, you start that slippery slope of teaching them that crying is ok to get attention.

If they're crying because they're hurt or it's feeding timeor need a diaper change, then, yes, pick them up and care for them.

A parent can tell the type of cry. 🙂
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Let me add that cause your asking this question, my guess is that youre probably great parents so thanks in advance for not creating more crazed teenage monsters out there in the world 😀
 
Parent of 2. One is just over 1 and waking up and crying during the night. I find that both my daughters go through cycles where they hit a growth spurt, are teething, or are sick in some way that throws their cycle off and you'll go through a 2 week period where they keep waking you up during the night.

In general, we wait 5-10 minutes to see if she settles down and just goes back to sleep. Longer than that, we go to check on her. Normally it is just a case of waking up to a very wet diaper. A quick change, a little cuddling, and she's right back to sleep.

It is tougher on my wife than me. I can let my kids cry their way through it. My wife has more problems. I find that when I put Rachel (our youngest) into bed, she sleeps through the night much more because she associates me with not running to see her if she cries.

Michael
 
Originally posted by: damiano
this is a great thread,
we have afour month old and for now we put him to sleep around 9 pm in his crib and he sleeps there for a few hours (about 3 or 4) then when he wakes up, we put him in our bed where he breasts feed and then sleeps quietly the rest of the night.
any other thoughts?
keep them coming...


ps: I think we should start pacifier thread 😀 my son uses the pacifier a bit too much, and i don't like it 🙁
Click to expand...

i was really annoyed by my daughter's pacifier, too, so i just started taking her thumb and sticking it in her mouth until she figured it out for herself. they'll rid themselves of either habit eventually and the thumb is always available and doesnt drop on the floor. 😛
 
If the baby isn't in physical distress then letting her cry herself back to sleep is okay. Just be prepared to stick it out.

Some people say that you should just go in and comfort with your voice and maybe a pacifier, without picking the baby up. Let her know you are there, but that she needs to stay in the crib for a while longer.

 
I am a father of 3 very well adjusted children. We let the children cry for a few minutes, then would go check on them. Hugs and love do wonders. We went immediately if it was the hurt or upset cry. I think whatever you decide to do will be the right thing.
 
My son is almost 12 weeks old and he sleeps in his crib. He has for almost four weeks now.

He only cries when he is hungry or needs his diaper changed. So, when he wakes up in the middle of the night and is crying, there is a reason.
 
Father of 4, ages 21, 20, 14 and 2. Advice: if it's 4 AM, do whatever it takes to retain what little sanity you may have left. You know perfectly well that letting a kid scream in pain is wrong, and that you don't want to jump at the little devil's every peep. However, that leaves a HUGE area in the middle, and it's up to you to figure out what works for you.

Basically, you do whatever your wife thinks is right - as long as your wife isn't an axe murderer or something. Peace in the wife is a VERY valuable thing. 😀

All kids are different, too. Some like to cry alone, some don't. News flash: by the time you figure it out, you'll be onto a different problem.

Remember: WHATEVER YOU DO IS WRONG. That's true of all parenting. Get used to it. Fortunately, most of the time the kids survive. You don't get to find out until it's way too late what you SHOULD have done.

Anyone who thinks they'll catch up on sleep when the kids are older is sadly mistaken. Wait till the teen years. . .
 
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