Overheard in New York

[StevenYoo]

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

some of my favorites:

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!
--6 Train

Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

--College Walk, Columbia University

Girl #1: Ben's hot, but I think he's gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don't think he's gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?

--Central Park

Girl #1: You know what would be awesome?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If rabbits laid chocolate Easter eggs.
Girl #2: Yeah, but then their entire species would, like, fail.
Girl #1: Yes, but they would fail deliciously.

--Bard High School Early College

Middle school boy: Yo, you ever seen that show Sex and the City on HBO?
Three friends: No.
Middle school boy: I thought there'd be mad sex on it. There wasn't any! They should call that show 'White Bitches Talking.'

--Brooklyn Middle School

and for all you true New Yorkers, this one is for you:

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don't have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He's rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn't have to say it so rude -- we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn't an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it's true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the f*cking right of busy sidewalks, and don't get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now f*ck off.

--50th & 6th

 

[loup garou]

Oh man, that last one could very well have been me (except for the suit).

 

[her209]

Girl #1: Ben's hot, but I think he's gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don't think he's gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?

--Central Park

LOL, for some reason I thought they were talking about Ben Affleck.

 

[mugs]

Hah, the last one was great. Actually they were all pretty funny.

 

[Aharami]

this one made me LOL

Girl: It's this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They're all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!

 

[JRich]

Girl: It's this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They're all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!



Edit: Dammit Aharami!!!

 

[loup garou]

Loudspeaker: Sir, do not take a dump on the platform, sir. Sir, do not take a dump on the platform!

--Times Square 42nd St. station

Overheard by: JohnnyD


:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

[91TTZ]

These read like the stuff urban legends are made of. Sounds scripted.

 

[pulse8]

Girl #1: You know what would be awesome?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If rabbits laid chocolate Easter eggs.
Girl #2: Yeah, but then their entire species would, like, fail.
Girl #1: Yes, but they would fail deliciously.

--Bard High School Early College

There's no way in hell two girls had that conversation.

 

[Colt45]

fake

 

[johnjohn320]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Girl #1: You know what would be awesome?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If rabbits laid chocolate Easter eggs.
Girl #2: Yeah, but then their entire species would, like, fail.
Girl #1: Yes, but they would fail deliciously.

--Bard High School Early College

There's no way in hell two girls had that conversation.

Maybe you just don't know many girls...

 

[jman19]

Originally posted by: loup garou
Oh man, that last one could very well have been me (except for the suit).

I work not too far from 50th and 6th, and I hear/see stuff like that all the time

Sometimes I think the same thing, but then quickly hold my tongue because I realize I'm just being an asshole...

 

[Aharami]

man its so much fun to mess with tourists

Manic tourist lady #1: Oh wow, the front of the train. I've never been in FRONT before. Look! Haha! No driver!
Manic tourist lady #2: No driver? Seriously? Excuse me, sir? Who's driving this subway?

Local looks up from paper and looks around frantically.

Manic tourist #2: Wait, seriously? Oh my God, should we get off?
Manic tourist #1: Oh, calm down. He's just joking. We can't get off 'til Union Square.
Local: Ma'am, I swear to God that I'm not joking. Nobody's driving this train. I'm just as terrified as you are.
Manic tourist #2: Oh, whatever. He's one of those New York assholes we heard about. Ignore him.

 

[Legendary]

I'm on that site a few times, and I can assure you, while some are fake, so many more are real.

 

[YoungGun21]

Teen to friends: Man, for about two weeks this girl had me convinced that girls don't poop. Somehow it came up in conversation and she was just like, 'What are you talking about? Girls don't poop.' Idiot. I was like, 'Ohhh my god.'

lol

Guy: Did you try rebooting?
Chick: Of course.
Guy: Because that's the first thing you should try doing when you--
Chick: --Look, half the guys I've dated have been in tech support. I've picked up a hell of a lot more than just VD. I know about rebooting.

lol

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Girl #1: You know what would be awesome?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If rabbits laid chocolate Easter eggs.
Girl #2: Yeah, but then their entire species would, like, fail.
Girl #1: Yes, but they would fail deliciously.

--Bard High School Early College

There's no way in hell two girls had that conversation.

I immediately sent that to a friend of mine because it sounds EXACTLY like something she would say

 

[Martin]

Originally posted by: StevenYoo
Middle school boy: Yo, you ever seen that show Sex and the City on HBO?
Three friends: No.
Middle school boy: I thought there'd be mad sex on it. There wasn't any! They should call that show 'White Bitches Talking.'

Gold.

 

[imthebadguy]

Originally posted by: Martin

Originally posted by: StevenYoo
Middle school boy: Yo, you ever seen that show Sex and the City on HBO?
Three friends: No.
Middle school boy: I thought there'd be mad sex on it. There wasn't any! They should call that show 'White Bitches Talking.'

Gold.

gold, jerry, its gold!

 

[techs]

Guy: Did you try rebooting?
Chick: Of course.
Guy: Because that's the first thing you should try doing when you--
Chick: --Look, half the guys I've dated have been in tech support. I've picked up a hell of a lot more than just VD. I know about rebooting.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: StevenYoo

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don't have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He's rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn't have to say it so rude -- we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn't an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it's true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the f*cking right of busy sidewalks, and don't get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now f*ck off.

--50th & 6th

Typical elitist pricks. Take these suits out of the city, plop them in the country and they'd be just as clueless. Hell, better yet, put them out in the woods and watch the hilarity.

Only an elitist prick would belittle an obvious fish out of water while forgetting that they could just as easily be in the same situation.

These are the same elitist city pricks that will get lost in the woods and make fun of the locals as they are being saved by them.

The only mental impairment I see is a complete lack of empathy and compassion. Apparently, though, they seem proud of that... yet will expect it from others when they are in trouble.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Originally posted by: Amused

Originally posted by: StevenYoo

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don't have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He's rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn't have to say it so rude -- we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn't an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it's true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the f*cking right of busy sidewalks, and don't get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now f*ck off.

--50th & 6th

Typical elitist pricks. Take these suits out of the city, plop them in the country and they'd be just as clueless. Hell, better yet, put them out in the woods and watch the hilarity.

Only an elitist prick would belittle an obvious fish out of water while forgetting that they could just as easily be in the same situation.

These are the same elitist city pricks that will get lost in the woods and make fun of the locals as they are being saved by them.

The only mental impairment I see is a complete lack of empathy and compassion. Apparently, though, they seem proud of that... yet will expect it from others when they are in trouble.

You are missing the fact that not putting yourself in a position where you are obstructing the movements of others is a basic thing everyone learns by 5th grade.

 

[ChaoZ]

Teen girl: I'm not saying I wish I had a penis. It would just be nice to be able to pee standing up.
Teen guy: Peeing standing up is a lot like eating grapefruit... One wrong move, and you could squirt yourself in the eye.
Teen girl: Oh my god... seriously?

It's sooooo true.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: SarcasticDwarf
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: Amused
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: StevenYoo

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don't have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He's rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn't have to say it so rude -- we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn't an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it's true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the f*cking right of busy sidewalks, and don't get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now f*ck off.

--50th & 6th</end quote></div>

Typical elitist pricks. Take these suits out of the city, plop them in the country and they'd be just as clueless. Hell, better yet, put them out in the woods and watch the hilarity.

Only an elitist prick would belittle an obvious fish out of water while forgetting that they could just as easily be in the same situation.

These are the same elitist city pricks that will get lost in the woods and make fun of the locals as they are being saved by them.

The only mental impairment I see is a complete lack of empathy and compassion. Apparently, though, they seem proud of that... yet will expect it from others when they are in trouble.</end quote></div>

You are missing the fact that not putting yourself in a position where you are obstructing the movements of others is a basic thing everyone learns by 5th grade.

Not everyone lives in an area so congested that stopping on a sidewalk while lost and confused is considered taboo.

You're missing the fact that the guys are rude, elitist assholes desperately in need of a good ass kicking lesson in civility.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: techs
Guy: Did you try rebooting?
Chick: Of course.
Guy: Because that's the first thing you should try doing when you--
Chick: --Look, half the guys I've dated have been in tech support. I've picked up a hell of a lot more than just VD. I know about rebooting.

lol

 

[FreshCrabLegs]

Thanks for the link!