Open casket funerals

[NuclearNed]

Please, I beg you, if you are the person who has to decide whether or not a loved-one's funeral is open casket or not, consider the possibility of keeping the casket closed.

I went to a good friend's funeral this weekend, the casket was open, and it really really shouldn't have been. Due to the circumstances of how he died, my friend looked awful.

The problem is that his grieving family made the decision to keep the casket open. In my experience, people who are grieving, particularly parents of a lost child, are not in the best state of mind to make decisions like this. They really do need the advice of kind, caring friends at times like these.

 

[leftyman]

you dont need to approach the casket if you have this concern.

 

[Lola]

I could not agree more.

Every single funeral i have been to (and i have been to a lot) they have all had the casket open.
Granted, they were all older people, but they still did not look like themselves.

I wish people would realize that it is rather upsettting to many people to view that dead body there. Why not keep the casket closed and have photos of the person when they were healthy and happy? That is how i would want to be remembered. Not by a "last look" with crappy makeup and pale skin.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: leftyman
you dont need to approach the casket if you have this concern.

...or you could be considerate to all the people who attend by keeping the casket closed.

 

[krunchykrome]

It's circumstantial I guess. In your case, the parents should have opted for the closed casket instead. I've been to only one funeral, and it was open casket, probably because his face was not harmed in his death. I still didn't think the face looked like him at all though.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: leftyman
you dont need to approach the casket if you have this concern.

The thing is... it is proper etiquitte to go up to the casket and pay your last respects. Thus, to do what you are suggesting would be rather rude and inconsiderate.

 

[leftyman]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed

Originally posted by: leftyman
you dont need to approach the casket if you have this concern.

...or you could be considerate to all the people who attend by keeping the casket closed.

the dead person isnt there for you. you are there to pay your respects to the deceased and to the family.
If the family wants an open casket so be it. Respect their wishes and keep your feelings on the subject to yourself.

 

[leftyman]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

Originally posted by: leftyman
you dont need to approach the casket if you have this concern.

The thing is... it is proper etiquitte to go up to the casket and pay your last respects. Thus, to do what you are suggesting would be rather rude and inconsiderate.

then deal with it and respect the fact that the family wants it that way.

 

[Homerboy]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
I could not agree more.

Every single funeral i have been to (and i have been to a lot) they have all had the casket open.
Granted, they were all older people, but they still did not look like themselves.

I wish people would realize that it is rather upsettting to many people to view that dead body there. Why not keep the casket closed and have photos of the person when they were healthy and happy? That is how i would want to be remembered. Not by a "last look" with crappy makeup and pale skin.

You nailed it right with that single line.
Thats the way things USED to be and likely the way these [older] people would have wanted to have their funeral. Open casket was the only way funerals used to be and what these colder people are accustomed to. The funeral is to honor the dead person and respect their wishes. Not to make those in attendance comfortable and "happy".

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
I could not agree more.

Every single funeral i have been to (and i have been to a lot) they have all had the casket open.
Granted, they were all older people, but they still did not look like themselves.

I wish people would realize that it is rather upsettting to many people to view that dead body there. Why not keep the casket closed and have photos of the person when they were healthy and happy? That is how i would want to be remembered. Not by a "last look" with crappy makeup and pale skin.

You nailed it right with that single line.
Thats the way things USED to be and likely the way these [older] people would have wanted to have their funeral. Open casket was the only way funerals used to be and what these colder people are accustomed to. The funeral is to honor the dead person and respect their wishes. Not to make those in attendance comfortable and "happy".

the thing is... half of those that were passed... their last wishes were to have a closed casket, yet the family did not do what they requested.

 

[NuclearNed]

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
I could not agree more.

Every single funeral i have been to (and i have been to a lot) they have all had the casket open.
Granted, they were all older people, but they still did not look like themselves.

I wish people would realize that it is rather upsettting to many people to view that dead body there. Why not keep the casket closed and have photos of the person when they were healthy and happy? That is how i would want to be remembered. Not by a "last look" with crappy makeup and pale skin.

You nailed it right with that single line.
Thats the way things USED to be and likely the way these [older] people would have wanted to have their funeral. Open casket was the only way funerals used to be and what these colder people are accustomed to. The funeral is to honor the dead person and respect their wishes. Not to make those in attendance comfortable and "happy".

I don't totally disagree with you, but generally I think the purposes of a funeral are these:

1) to allow friends and family to honor the dead
2) to bring closure to the dead's friends and family
3) to allow people to express sorrow to each other, and to find some comfort

I've never thought that a funeral had much of anything to do with honoring the dead person's wishes.

 

[mrrman]

I personally have a hard time at open casket funerals even if they are relatives of mine

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: NuclearNed
Please, I beg you, if you are the person who has to decide whether or not a loved-one's funeral is open casket or not, consider the possibility of keeping the casket closed.

I went to a good friend's funeral this weekend, the casket was open, and it really really shouldn't have been. Due to the circumstances of how he died, my friend looked awful.

The problem is that his grieving family made the decision to keep the casket open. In my experience, people who are grieving, particularly parents of a lost child, are not in the best state of mind to make decisions like this. They really do need the advice of kind, caring friends at times like these.

morbid as it may seem to some people, to others seeing the "person" one last time helps as one of the steps towards closure.

although, i do find it a bit humorous when people see the dead person in the open casket and comment on how *good* he/she looks. it makes me think they actually think the person looks better dead than alive.

 

[Amused]

I am quite irrational about this when it comes to people I love. I cannot and will not view a loved one in a casket. If I do, that is how I will remember them. That image will be the first to pop in my head when I think of them.

My father had this problem too, and asked that no one view his body after death. I thought it was silly until my grandfather died. Now when I think of my grandfather the first image to pop up is that terrible image of his waxy, unnatural face in the casket.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Amused
I am quite irrational about this when it comes to people I love. I cannot and will not view a loved one in a casket. If I do, that is how I will remember them. That image will be the first to pop in my head when I think of them.

My father had this problem too, and asked that no one view his body after death. I thought it was silly until my grandfather died. Now when I think of my grandfather the first image to pop up is that terrible image of his waxy, unnatural face in the casket.

meh, i saw my father in his open casket, and it is never the first vision that comes to mind when i think of him. in fact, it was such a short view of him compared to my life with him that i've actually forgot what he looked like lying there.

but. . . if you have that fear then it's rational for you to not view dead people.

 

[Amused]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Amused
I am quite irrational about this when it comes to people I love. I cannot and will not view a loved one in a casket. If I do, that is how I will remember them. That image will be the first to pop in my head when I think of them.

My father had this problem too, and asked that no one view his body after death. I thought it was silly until my grandfather died. Now when I think of my grandfather the first image to pop up is that terrible image of his waxy, unnatural face in the casket.

meh, i saw my father in his open casket, and it is never the first vision that comes to mind when i think of him. in fact, it was such a short view of him compared to my life with him that i've actually forgot what he looked like lying there.

but. . . if you have that fear then it's rational for you to not view dead people.

Like I said, it's not a rational thing and I know it. I have no idea why it happens to me and like my father, I now refuse to view the dead body of anyone I have loved.

I try to be rational in all things I do but my human weakness sometimes breaks through. This problem with remembering the vision of the dead body instead of a vision of the living person is one that cannot seem to control.

When my ex's grandmother died I refused to enter the viewing room. People found it strange until I explained why. The sad thing is, she died of Alzheimer's. So now while I do not have a vision of a dead body, my primary memory of her is of an empty shell. Almost as bad.

Maybe it's the way my father and I are wired. Maybe our first memory vision is always the last view we had of someone. I don't know. All I know is that I cannot control it.