One more....

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
One more joke thread that is......


A NEW ELEMENT ON THE PERIODIC TABLE


Element: WOMAN
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Yet Another New Element on the Periodic Table

Element: MAN
Symbol: XY
Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !@#&amp;*!
Atomic Weight: 180+/-100
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempt to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Subject: A WOMAN?S 50 RULES FOR MEN
1. Call.
2. Don?t lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together
4. If guy?s night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guy?s night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting
6. The correct answer to ?Do I look fat?? is never ?Yes.?
7. Ditto for ?Is she prettier than me??
8. Victoria?s Secret is good. Frederick?s of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. ?Honey,? ?Darling,? and ?sweetheart? are good. ?Nag,? ?Lardass,? and ?Bitch? are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn?t an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dishsoap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering ?Who was that on the phone?? with ?Nobody? is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for ?Whose lipstick is this??
22. Two words: clean socks
23. Believe it or not, you?re probably not more attractive when you?re drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You?re wrong.
26. You?re sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. ?Will you marry me?? is good. ?Let?s shack up together? is bad
31. Don?t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don?t assume PMS doesn?t exist.
33. No means no. Yes means yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. ?But, we kiss...? is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don?t clean plaque with you tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive
37. Pick her up at the airport.** Don?t whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don?t act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don?t tell her you love her if you don?t.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine?s Day, and any cheesy ?anniversary? she so-names.
45. Don?t try ro change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don?t let your friends pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don?t lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn?t fair either, and it balances everything.
**Addendum to #37: Be waiting at the gate. NOT baggage claim.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE RECORDING:

&quot;Hello--welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.....&quot;

If you are Obsessive Compulsive, please press 1, repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have Multiple Personality Disorder, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid-Delusional, we know who you are and what you want, just stay on the line till we can trace the call.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He
tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say:&quot;Jesus is watching you!&quot;

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

&quot;Jesus is watching you,&quot; the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: &quot;Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?&quot;

&quot;Yes&quot;, said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: &quot;What's your name?&quot;

&quot;Clarence,&quot; said the bird.

&quot;That's a dumb name for a parrot,&quot; sneered the burglar. &quot;What idiot named you Clarence?&quot;

The parrot said, &quot;The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.&quot;
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins!

1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing &quot;Put me in my little bed&quot; accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All ladies wishing to be &quot;Little Mothers&quot; will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter.
11. The service will close with &quot;Little Drops of Water.&quot; One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be &quot;What is Hell?&quot; Come early and listen to our choir practice.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
FUNNY NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says...

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers...

Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted...

Drunk gets nine months in violin case...

Survivor of siamese twins joins parents...

Farmer Bill dies in house...

Iraqi head seeks arms...

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Stud tires out...

Prostitutes appeal to Pope...

Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over...

British left waffles on Falkland Islands...

Eye drops off shelf...

Teacher strikes idle kids...

Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead...

Squad helps dog bite victim...

Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66...

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax...

Plane too close to ground, crash probe told...

Miners refuse to work after death (West Virginia paper...?)

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant...

Stolen painting found by tree...

Two soviet ships collide, one dies...

2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter...

Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years...

Never withhold herpes infection from loved one...

Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84...

War dims hope for peace...

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while...

Cold wave linked to temperatures...

Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide...
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, &quot;When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.&quot;

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his @ss.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his @ss.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the &quot;Big T&quot;
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, &quot;Take this and eat it for it is my body.&quot; He did not say &quot;Eat me.&quot;
12. The Virgin Mary is not called &quot;Mary with the Cherry.&quot;
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
An office manager had money problems &amp; had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk.

Then the manager thought he'd wait &amp; see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack &amp; the manager went up to her &amp; said, &quot;Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off.&quot;

Jill said, &quot;Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus.&quot;
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

&quot;Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!&quot;

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, &quot;I had no idea you were this religious.&quot;

The boy turns, and whispers back, &quot;I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Three guys found themselves in Hell: Bob, Joe, and Dave. A little confused at their present situation, they were startled to see a door in the wall (which they hadn't noticed before) open, and behind the door was perhaps the Ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4&quot;, dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard,&quot;Bob, you have sinned!!! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!&quot; And Bob was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his doom.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and lo! an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7', covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.

The Voice of the Devil was heard, &quot;Joe, you have sinned!!! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!!!&quot; And Joe, like Bob, was whisked off.

Dave, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of... Cindy Crawford!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delighted, Dave jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a shiny metallic NASA-space-age material bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil say :

&quot;Cindy, you have sinned ........&quot;
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his &quot;pain&quot;.

&quot;Please allow me to help, I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!&quot;, she told him earnestly.

&quot;Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes&quot;, he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

The woman takes it upon herself to begin to &quot;ease his pain&quot;. She began to massage his groin.

After a few moments she asked, &quot;Does that feel better?&quot; The man looked up at her and replied, &quot;Yes, that feels pretty good...but my thumb still hurts like hell!&quot;
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK
------------------------------------------------------

1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got really pissy.

2. I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say &quot;Get well soon&quot;..but it?s incurable.

3. My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....when I looked at the wheel, I realized I hit your cat...sorry!

4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends....here's a bouquet of flowers, and some Depends.

5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out...that your one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day...look at the bright side...at least she is a good lay.

7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't fret about your loss, she is moving in with me.

8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have installed Win?95.

9. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it was... that case of Bud Dry.

10. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life... Next time...stay away from the boss's wife.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends? &quot;Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got to second base!&quot; Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was second base? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? No one was really sure. Also, the bases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older.
What's a person to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using baseball analogies to describe sexual activity. But let's face it, there are more than four stages in today's day and age of sex play. So, in the interests of both bringing baseball sex metaphors in line with the complications of modern romance and with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide to the Bases.

First, let?s examine what the bases could have meant in the old days.

--First Base--
This was almost always kissing, although one guy I knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was toungue-kissing and sometimes not.

--Second Base--
Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact.

--Third Base--
Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your partner.

--Home Run--
This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.

Well that system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new factors enter the equation, such as oral sex? And what about the exact definitions? Well we have attempted to answer such puzzling questions and present without further ado...

Standardized Guide to the Bases!

--On Deck--
Having plans for a date

--Strike Out--
Duh!!

--Walk--
Kissing

--Bunt--
Masturbation

--Single--
Tongue kissing

--Double--
Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing and feels

--Triple--
Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual masturbation

--Inside the park home run-- Oral Sex

--Home Run--
SEX!

--Ground Rule Double--
Would have sex, but no condom

--Error--
Condom breaks during sex

--Banned for life for gambling--
sex without condom

--Hall of Fame--
Marriage

Now that we've got the basics, let's introduce some terms to better explain all the things that can happen now a days.

--Balk--
Premature ejaculation

--Pine Tar--
KY jelly

--Relief Pitcher--
Vibrator

--Rain Delay--
parents/roommate return home unexpectedly

--Box Seats--
Water bed

--Seventh Inning Stretch--
Unusual positions

--Rookie--
Virgin

--Minor Leagues--
Under 18

--Loaded Bases--
Menage a trois

--Grand Slam--
Sex four times in twelve hours

--Foul tip--
VD

--Three up and three down--
impotency


Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old confusion with current clarity.

OLD WAY- &quot;We, um, got to third base I guess and then we, um, got like past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her.

NEW WAY- First, there was a triple, then we got an inside the park home run, and I started thinking, it's hall of fame time.

NEW WAY- So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and I had to call in a relief pitcher.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Trivia............

-- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
-- Coca-Cola was originally green.
-- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
-- Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
--Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
--City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
--State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
-- Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
-- Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
-- Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
-- Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
-- Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
-- Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
-- The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
-- The youngest pope was 11 years old.
-- First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
-- The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments
-- Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts-Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
--111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
-- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
-- Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
-- &quot;I am.&quot; is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
-- The term &quot;the whole 9 yards&quot; came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got &quot;the whole 9 yards.&quot;
-- Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
-- The phrase &quot;rule of thumb&quot; is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than you thumb.
-- The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
-- The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the &quot;General Purpose&quot; vehicle, G.P.
-- The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
-- No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
-- The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
-- The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores (&quot;Ring around the rosey...&quot;), these sores would smell very badly so common folkswould put flowers on their bodies somewhere inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores (&quot;...a pocket full of posies...&quot;), People who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease (&quot;...ashes, ashes, we all
fall down!&quot;)
+++++++++++++++
Subj: Facts

Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.

Q. What separates &quot;60 Minutes,&quot; on CBS from every other TV show?
A. No theme song.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace.

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter &quot;A&quot; ?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
A. Honey

Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year.
A. Father's Day

Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Computer Acronyms defined:

PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
WWW - World Wide Wait
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
CD-ROM - Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP - Lots of Infuriating &amp; Silly Parenthesis
RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defective Operating System
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
IBM I've been misled
IBM I've been mugged
IBM It's badly made
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
Space Race

During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million.
The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem of writing in zero gravity, used a pencil.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
0
0
An older man goes to his doctor and says. &quot; Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills to Satisfy them all.&quot;

The doctor says &quot;You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for a man of your age.&quot; &quot;I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out.&quot;

The man says &quot;You have a deal Doc.&quot;

Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.

The doctor says &quot;what happened&quot;?

The man answered &quot;nobody showed up!&quot;