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OMG, Customers crack me up.

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Originally posted by: bonkers325
this isnt a customer story - a salesperson was in our office trying to peddle some product. she offers to demo the product for us and asks to use a computer. we walk over to the computer where she blankly asks, "internet?". i reply, "yea sure, it's got internet" and she starts to click around. she then says "i cant find internet explorer", so i point to firefox. then she says "oh you have firefox, so this is a mac!". needless to say, i wasnt very impressed with the demo 😛
Click to expand...

but was she hot?
 
I was working at a computer lab while I was in college, for beer money. A 30ish attractive woman in a business suit and expensive looking briefcase walks in and says "Do you have anything that will make a calendar?" This was in 1997, so that wasn't a basic thing, and we didn't have any software that could do it. Mind you, this was 15 minutes before the computer lab was about to close... I say "No, but we have some paint programs if you just wanted to make some boxes with numbers in them..."
She says "Can you show me how?"
Me: Grrr.... "Ok, let's sit at this Mac. OK, open Paintblah"
Her: Huh?
Me: Doubleclick on Paintblah....
Her: Click?
Me: ??? Oh, hell no...

Just to see if this was for real, I grabbed the mouse and opened the paint prg.

Me: OK. Click "File"
Her: Huh?
Me: Click right here with the mouse.
Her: Mouse?
Me: !!!!
She proceeds to pick up the mouse and is swinging it in the air...
Me: You know the 24 hour lab across campus? I think they have a calendar program.
Her: Oh. OK!
*facepalm*

I have no problem with people who are new to computers... We all start somewhere... but since she was young, she had to at least have SEEN someone use a computer... On tv or something... 🙂
 
Originally posted by: 40Hands
I had one woman who called me to tell me her computer wasn't reading a CD. I go down and look in her drive and there is no disc. I told her that and she says that was impossible and that she put it in. So when I finally ask her how she got the disc in she says she just slid it in. She got it in there alright. Inside the case laying on the top of the actual drive. *face palm*
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my great aunt did that recently
 
Some of these stories make me feel better bout my position. Its usually once a month I get someone trying to reboot their machine by turning the monitor off and on. And then they ask me what the box is behind the monitor.

Ive had users put the cd's in upside down.
 
Originally posted by: DefDC
I was working at a computer lab while I was in college, for beer money. A 30ish attractive woman in a business suit and expensive looking briefcase walks in and says "Do you have anything that will make a calendar?" This was in 1997, so that wasn't a basic thing, and we didn't have any software that could do it. Mind you, this was 15 minutes before the computer lab was about to close... I say "No, but we have some paint programs if you just wanted to make some boxes with numbers in them..."
She says "Can you show me how?"
Me: Grrr.... "Ok, let's sit at this Mac. OK, open Paintblah"
Her: Huh?
Me: Doubleclick on Paintblah....
Her: Click?
Me: ??? Oh, hell no...

Just to see if this was for real, I grabbed the mouse and opened the paint prg.

Me: OK. Click "File"
Her: Huh?
Me: Click right here with the mouse.
Her: Mouse?
Me: !!!!
She proceeds to pick up the mouse and is swinging it in the air...
Me: You know the 24 hour lab across campus? I think they have a calendar program.
Her: Oh. OK!
*facepalm*

I have no problem with people who are new to computers... We all start somewhere... but since she was young, she had to at least have SEEN someone use a computer... On tv or something... 🙂
Click to expand...

you n00b!

she wanted no strings attached HOT nasty sticky dirty sex with you!!! argggg
 
Sadly, occasional brain farts are not always limited to customers. I worked in a Best Buy service center as a computer tech for a few months way back when, and I remember having to call Sony or HP one time to order a new processor. This was back when (I think) the new Pentium 3's were coming out, so some were slot 1 and some were socket 370 or whatever. Anyway, the customer had a socket motherboard, but Sony/HP sent a slot 1 processor, so I called back to tell them about the parts mix-up and request the correct CPU.

After about 20 minutes of trying to explain what the actual problem was, the employee gets back on the phone and says, "ok, I think I've finally got your problem figured out. I've pulled up a schematic of the motherboard here, and I know it may not look like it, but if you push down on the chip REALLY hard, it'll fit in there, trust me." That's when I decided to hang up and call back later.
 
Tech support delivered and set up a dot matrix printer for an ancient app I had to use.

It took approximately 8 weeks to get it. In the meantime, I was printing and walking approximately a quarter mile round trip through the facility to get my print jobs.

So anyway, they show up all proud of their accomplishments and turn it on and it starts printing what appears to be gibberish. Eventually it stops, they're perplexed, but because it stopped they're happy. This is the start of 5 weeks of hell. I must turn the printer on before launching the app, and 8 times out of 10 it spontaneously starts printing gibberish as I'm walking back to my desk. Mind you, I have not even sent a print job to it yet. I have no control over it. I can make it stop only by turning it off and when I restart it, it takes right off again.

They're very responsive, but it's obvious that they have no clue. It's what they're terming a mainframe printer and they've got an endless stream of reasons why it's doing what it's doing, but no fix.

One day I actually look at the gibberish and I see what looks like a user ID. I call them and ask, sure enough it is a user ID. Now mind you, I'm supposed to be the only one that can print to this printer and it sure isn't my ID.

I tell them they've got two printers set up with the same IP address. They scoff at me, look down their noses and tell me "that's impossible". After begging and pleading with them to look at their silly spreadsheet containing all this information, they decide to humor me and lo and behold, two printers have the same IP.

It goes both ways kids.
 
Okay, I've had a ton of really bad ones...but heres one I had just a few days ago that I couldn't stop laughing about.


Customer comes in, he shows me a plastic ziploc bag with an HP branded battery inside.
Him: Can you tell me what this is?
Me: Sure, thats a battery for a laptop.
Him: are you sure?
Me: I'm sorry? (I wasnt positive I had heard him)
Him: are you sure its a battery?
Me: Yep, positive.
Him: You're sure it isnt a hard drive?
Me: Yep, positive.
Him: How do you know?
Me: Hard drives usually have different connectors on them, such as a row of pins. Your battery has just this small connector here to go into a laptop. I've also seen dozens of these batteries before.
Him: Ohhhhkaaaay, I guess I'll trust you.
Me: /chuckle
Him: You think its for my HP Laptop?
Me: Do you only have one laptop?
Him: yeah.
Me: Yeah, id say its probably for that then..
Him: Oh...okay. I always thought I had a battery laying around somewhere for it. Thanks!


Seriously, he walked away and I was just like did that just happen?
 
"Welcome to the customer helpline, may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my software."

"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?"

"They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in the software, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor? "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are.

I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
Click to expand...

😀
 
Originally posted by: DefDC
I was working at a computer lab while I was in college, for beer money. A 30ish attractive woman in a business suit and expensive looking briefcase walks in and says "Do you have anything that will make a calendar?" This was in 1997, so that wasn't a basic thing, and we didn't have any software that could do it. Mind you, this was 15 minutes before the computer lab was about to close... I say "No, but we have some paint programs if you just wanted to make some boxes with numbers in them..."
She says "Can you show me how?"
Me: Grrr.... "Ok, let's sit at this Mac. OK, open Paintblah"
Her: Huh?
Me: Doubleclick on Paintblah....
Her: Click?
Me: ??? Oh, hell no...

Just to see if this was for real, I grabbed the mouse and opened the paint prg.

Me: OK. Click "File"
Her: Huh?
Me: Click right here with the mouse.
Her: Mouse?
Me: !!!!
She proceeds to pick up the mouse and is swinging it in the air...
Me: You know the 24 hour lab across campus? I think they have a calendar program.
Her: Oh. OK!
*facepalm*

I have no problem with people who are new to computers... We all start somewhere... but since she was young, she had to at least have SEEN someone use a computer... On tv or something... 🙂
Click to expand...


Liar, that never happened. Theres no way on this planet somebody can be this ignorant!

Im just playin'. Seriously though, I got a story myself. Although it isnt a tech support story, its actually the complete opposite.

I took my car-less friend to find a car. He was looking for a good deal on a Subaru WRX STi. We go to this Subaru\Mazda dealership on OBT\Orlando and we start talking to this 20-25year old-ish guy about how my friend wanted a WRX STi. The salesman asked why he wanted it and my friend replied "because of the AWD" followed by how it has the best traction off the line. The salesman did not agree and claimed that Front Wheel Drive vehicles had better traction off the line. As soon as he told us that, we both laughed in front of him and asked him if he was serious. Then he got defensive and starting talking all this bullshit....needless to say, we walked out.


 
One of my more recent jobs was to drive 2.5 hours to another town to recable a network rack. They had invested in a huge remodeling project and part of the project was to make the ugly tangled up cables disappear into a pretty rack. Spending 29 hours on this job over one weekend, we finally get it all plugged back in where it should be. Powered on all the servers and made sure the network side of things worked. We then asked the "on-site IT professional" (those are loose quotation marks) to check the several programs that the employees used to process transactions and the like and make sure it worked. His exact words, "I'm sure everything will be just fine. You did a good job". After arguing with him for another 15 minutes about it, he convinces us to not worry about it and make the 2.5 hour drive back to our town.

Next morning, phone call within 10 minutes of them opening. Phrases such as "You told me this was all working!" "Why didn't you check these things while you were here" (Speaking about me and my coworker) "Those two didn't seem to take pride in their work".

After hearing all of this, I took my valuable time in fixing his problem and billed him for every single minute.
 
when I was a bench tech I had a guy modify his HP desktop so it would take a standard power suply (HP had their own funky sized one) He did this by cutting the case with a dremmel. I was actually rather impressed as I has done this on occasion to get one going for under 150$ as hp psu's were pricey. He said that it wouldnt boot so I opened up the case. He had not removed the mb and cards before doing this and there were metal shavings all over the case.. toast

A very sad day for him indeed.
 
Originally posted by: hanoverphist
my office "manager" called me one time saying that rebooting her computer wasnt having any effect on the problem she had. i went and looked at it, rebooted and everything worked great. the network had dropped out for some reason that i never looked into, but was reset with a reboot. annoying, but not an emergency. she had this issue a few times over the next week, which made me pull the box for repair. when she said the same thing was happening with her new box i went and asked her how she was rebooting. she was turning the monitor off and on as a reboot, and the reason was that her web browser wouldnt find her home page. her homepage was set to about:blank. i usually hit esc and go to google to make sure the net works, since it usually goes to our utilities page first. she never even tried to change the address to google or any other site, assuming that it was down when it was blank. and this lady is in charge of all our payroll.
Click to expand...
Sadly, this is probably common. A family member had the same problem. His homepage was set to www.enter.net - they were the old ISP, but the main page had various useful links.

Well I got a call one day that "the Internet wasn't working" there. It turned out that www.enter.net was offline. That was it. Since that page didn't load, that meant he couldn't do anything else, apparently.
I have since set his homepage to Google. He has Firefox, but hasn't yet mastered the exceedingly complex skill of using the search box at the upper right of the screen, the one which says "Google" in it.

When some people sit in front of a computer, it seems as though all problem-solving and analytical skills are immediately sent off on vacation.


Originally posted by: Cabages
I hate people like this. Funny as hell afterward, but I dont want to make them feel stupid.

People wanting tech support and replacements a year after they bought it just because they bought it there.
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On the other hand, if you do make them feel stupid, then maybe seeing this so clearly will encourage them to engage more than 5 brain cells simultaneously. But it's a long shot.
Too often it seems more like, "Wooooowwwwww!!! You are soooo smart! I never would have thought to press 'Power' to turn on that device. You're like, some kind of technology wizard or something. See you again tomorrow morning, same time, same place."

 
The experiance for the customer can be just as bad. I remember calling dell tech support to replace my power cable and it was the most bizzar thing. I know scripts are used, but really when the customer already tells you the problem and what they need to fix it, don't run through your script.
 
I don't know how you people can deal with more than one of these types of customers in a week. I get all worked up trying to help my mom cut & paste files over the phone.
 
Don't feel bad. I'm by no means an expert, but usually the person that people call when they have a computer problem. Okay, if I can help.....

My sister calls me on her cel phone about a week and a half ago, she can't get her (dial up) modem to connect with AOL (her first problem......trust me, I've spent the past 3 years trying to get her to switch!!). It dials, sounds like it's trying to connect, but no joy. I talk her through troubleshooting it, can't figure out why anything would be wrong, and I suggest she try replacing the modem (it's a few years old, could be the problem). I told her I could send her one, but she's impatient, so I research online, and find out that Circuit City has a $10 modem in one of her local stores. She tells me she's going to go buy that, and will call me to talk her through replacing the modem once she gets back home.

A couple hours later, she calls back, again on her cel phone, and I talk her through replacing the modem card. She gets it done, plugs everything back into the back of the computer, fires it up, and tries to go online. No go. I'm stumped, but remind her that this might be a good time to consider going broadband (never waste an opportunity). I tell her that she might have to take the computer tower to a shop, and have them troubleshoot it (I'm half way across the country, otherwise would fix it myself), but if I come up with any other ideas, I'll call and let her know.

She calls me back an hour later, and tells me never mind, she knows what the problem was all along. Seems with as busy as she's been at work, she neglected to send payment to her local phone company for that month's bill, and they cut off her service! She could still get incoming calls, but they wouldn't connect any outgoing calls!! She called them with her cel phone, made payment via credit card, and expected phone service the following business day.

Needless to say, being my older sister, I will use this as an excuse to tease her mercilessly for a long time to come!! :laugh:
 
my ISP outsourced their support to India. I always dread having to call these guys.

My high speed internet service suddenly got very slow. To make sure there was nothing wrong with the PC or cabling, I did a bunch of testing to see what the problem was. Convinced the problem was not me but instead had something to do with my ISP, I called them.

Oh boy, that was loads of fun. First the guy's english was bad and secondly he kept reading from that damned script. I told him what was wrong and he kept telling me that everything was working. I never said it wasn't functioning, just that it was functioning like ultra-light instead of high speed. After he told me everything was fine, I told him to get me a network tech because I needed someone who knew what they were talking about. 2 minutes later I was talking to a network tech. After I told him what was wrong, he said he had an idea and to hold for a minute while he checked it out. A bit later he came back on and said he found the problem. It seems my cable-modem became unbound from its serial# in their database and defaulted to the lowest speed possible. He said it should be back to normal in 10 minutes. It was and I was happy.

 
Originally posted by: Chapbass
Okay, I've had a ton of really bad ones...but heres one I had just a few days ago that I couldn't stop laughing about.


Customer comes in, he shows me a plastic ziploc bag with an HP branded battery inside.
Him: Can you tell me what this is?
Me: Sure, thats a battery for a laptop.
Him: are you sure?
Me: I'm sorry? (I wasnt positive I had heard him)
Him: are you sure its a battery?
Me: Yep, positive.
Him: You're sure it isnt a hard drive?
Me: Yep, positive.
Him: How do you know?
Me: Hard drives usually have different connectors on them, such as a row of pins. Your battery has just this small connector here to go into a laptop. I've also seen dozens of these batteries before.
Him: Ohhhhkaaaay, I guess I'll trust you.
Me: /chuckle
Him: You think its for my HP Laptop?
Me: Do you only have one laptop?
Him: yeah.
Me: Yeah, id say its probably for that then..
Him: Oh...okay. I always thought I had a battery laying around somewhere for it. Thanks!


Seriously, he walked away and I was just like did that just happen?
Click to expand...

LOL
 
Originally posted by: Iron Woode
my ISP outsourced their support to India. I always dread having to call these guys.

My high speed internet service suddenly got very slow. To make sure there was nothing wrong with the PC or cabling, I did a bunch of testing to see what the problem was. Convinced the problem was not me but instead had something to do with my ISP, I called them.

Oh boy, that was loads of fun. First the guy's english was bad and secondly he kept reading from that damned script. I told him what was wrong and he kept telling me that everything was working. I never said it wasn't functioning, just that it was functioning like ultra-light instead of high speed. After he told me everything was fine, I told him to get me a network tech because I needed someone who knew what they were talking about. 2 minutes later I was talking to a network tech. After I told him what was wrong, he said he had an idea and to hold for a minute while he checked it out. A bit later he came back on and said he found the problem. It seems my cable-modem became unbound from its serial# in their database and defaulted to the lowest speed possible. He said it should be back to normal in 10 minutes. It was and I was happy.
Click to expand...

I hate that crap. Ive done that many times before with dell. I diagnose all of the problems ahead of time, then have to walk through the same stupid script with them on the phone.
 
Originally posted by: ICRS
The experiance for the customer can be just as bad. I remember calling dell tech support to replace my power cable and it was the most bizzar thing. I know scripts are used, but really when the customer already tells you the problem and what they need to fix it, don't run through your script.
Click to expand...

A few things.

One, we are told to do a job a certain way. My job > your convenience. As well, for every 1 person who calls in knowing correctly what the issue is, there are at least 10-15 who think they know but have no idea 😛
 
Originally posted by: ICRS
The experiance for the customer can be just as bad. I remember calling dell tech support to replace my power cable and it was the most bizzar thing. I know scripts are used, but really when the customer already tells you the problem and what they need to fix it, don't run through your script.
Click to expand...

That rilly wuz a bizzar experiance...
 
Originally posted by: RichardE
Originally posted by: ICRS
The experiance for the customer can be just as bad. I remember calling dell tech support to replace my power cable and it was the most bizzar thing. I know scripts are used, but really when the customer already tells you the problem and what they need to fix it, don't run through your script.
Click to expand...

A few things.

One, we are told to do a job a certain way. My job > your convenience. As well, for every 1 person who calls in knowing correctly what the issue is, there are at least 10-15 who think they know but have no idea 😛
Click to expand...

You know what the problem was. The power cable was ripped in two. I am sure that would make it so I couldn't charge my notebook. First thing was I told the technician that my power cable got ripped, and I just needed a new one. But NOOO, we had to try a bunch of other things first to make sure it wasn't something other than a CLEARLY destroyed power cable that was causing my charging problem.

The person insisted that we CANNOT discuss the ripped power cable until we get to it on the check list.
 
Me: May I have your home phone number starting with the area code please?
Cust: Tuffahfive-ninosevah-toohthreenigh <---- (yes, there are ten digits in there)
Me: I'm sorry sir?
Cust: Don't you fucking Indians speak English! Git me a dayum American on the phone.
Me: 😕
 
Back in the day when I worked on helldesk, I had at least a couple of people call to say their pc was stuck at "windows is saving your settings" when they click log off. What's amazing is that these people would insist they had pulled out the power cord from the back of the pc/wall and it was "still doing it". Wtf? And no, we didn't have any UPS at the company.
 
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