Old(er) Folks Speak Without Thinking (Rude comments)

[Lola]

Yesterday evening I went to visit my grandmother in the hospital. She was in a shared room but the gal that was with her was moved or sent home so to save on space, she was transferred to another room down the hall. This occurred during the time I was visiting with her.

When she arrived in her new room, they wheeled her past the other patient. She did not have her glasses on and due to another medical problem, she could not see in one of her eyes... so as she getting "hooked back up" to the machines, etc, she asks me in a VERY loud whisper: "Is that lady next to me black or white"?

I was mortified she said this, even worse, the woman's husband was sitting just a few feet away as well. I ignored her at first but she kept asking! I asked her why it mattered and got rather annoyed. Finally, I was so embarrassed, I went over to the gentleman and apologized for what she had said. This was not the worst either. Her old room-mate was also African-American and in casual conversation with her brother, she kept saying the "N" word as well.

Instances like this happen ALL of the time with my 88 year old grandmother and two old great-aunts. They grew up in Detroit their whole lives and still use very derogatory words no matter what race they are talking about. I am not saying this should be an excuse for them to continue to say things like that, but I am wondering if others notice older people saying things without thinking about them or saying things and thinking nothing is wrong.

To be honest, I am surprised they have never been attacked, physically or verbally because of the rude things they have said in passing, at a store, hospital, restaurant... anywhere.

Do older people think they have a right to say what they please because they are so old? I feel bad reprimanding them when they say something out of line, but with on-going occurances, it is constantly embarassing.

 

[James3shin]

Lola, that's just old people acting the way they were brought up and taught to behave. When I was in the hospital I was around some of the older patients and it was common for them to say things that would be considered taboo these days. One patient would call the doctor the "n-word" repeatedly, and I've personally been called a "beloved patriot," a "jap" and a "g00k" by both elderly male/female patients. It's just how they were brought up.

 

[moshquerade]

Do older people think they have a right to say what they please because they are so old? I feel bad reprimanding them when they say something out of line, but with on-going occurances, it is constantly embarassing

I've chided my grandmother a few times for calling a black person "colored". i tell her, "look, grandma, i'm colored too. we're all colored."

i wonder how we grew up so colorblind and tolerant when you hear some of the things our grandparents say that they think is perfectly fine conversation.

i let them know when they are speaking out of line. i don't know that it sinks in.

 

[James3shin]

At a certain age for people, I think the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" applies.

 

[yours truly]

i look after elderly people, on a regular basis, as a volunteer, and find 99% of them are very sweet and polite.

some of them are set in their ways and very occassionally make silly comments

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: James3shin
At a certain age for people, I think the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" applies.

That is what I am thinking too... as much as I say that they should not say certain things, or others will be offended, they come back with. "How silly, I wasn't saying it very loud, and it doesn't matter".

It is as though I have to go behind them, following them in public making sure they are behaving well.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Lola

Originally posted by: James3shin
At a certain age for people, I think the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" applies.

That is what I am thinking too... as much as I say that they should not say certain things, or others will be offended, they come back with. "How silly, I wasn't saying it very loud, and it doesn't matter".

It is as though I have to go behind them, following them in public making sure they are behaving well.

it gets to the point where you are mothering them and they are acting like children. that's how i feel sometimes.

 

[Nitemare]

I call it senility

 

[Perknose]

My grandmother was French. Her husband was English. Because of this, she took it upon herself to be openly prejudiced against some of my mostly Irish cousins! Go figure!

 

[daveshel]

Crass people come in all ages.

 

[SAWYER]

LOL OMG I would have died, so embarrassing.

 

[waggy]

yeap.

my wife's grandmother just passed away last month. Well her sister came out to stay for it.

she stayed with my wife's mother. well my wife has 2 black sisters and a black younger brother. who asked to stay with us because the great aunt does not like blacks. WTF!

then to top it off she told my wife she is a bad influance on the other cousins! why? we are not sure on that. My wife is a pain in the ass but a bad influance? she does not drink often (never seen her drunk), does not smoke, NEVER tried drugs. is the only member of her family to get a college degree let alone a high school diploma! only one that has had kids while married. only one that has been married more then 2 years (we are going to have oure 10th year this june!)

 

[SAWYER]

So you married into a black family? If so, maybe it's the great aunt's way of talking shit about you without admitting it.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: waggy
yeap.

my wife's grandmother just passed away last month. Well her sister came out to stay for it.

she stayed with my wife's mother. well my wife has 2 black sisters and a black younger brother. who asked to stay with us because the great aunt does not like blacks. WTF!

then to top it off she told my wife she is a bad influance on the other cousins! why? we are not sure on that. My wife is a pain in the ass but a bad influance? she does not drink often (never seen her drunk), does not smoke, NEVER tried drugs. is the only member of her family to get a college degree let alone a high school diploma! only one that has had kids while married. only one that has been married more then 2 years (we are going to have oure 10th year this june!)

I have an Uncle who wouldn't let his daughter watch the Cosby show because they were "colored".

Hatred and bigotry is easily taught, it's just hard to unlearn it from people.

 

[pnad]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
I've chided my grandmother a few times for calling a black person "colored". i tell her, "look, grandma, i'm colored too. we're all colored."

i wonder how we grew up so colorblind and tolerant when you hear some of the things our grandparents say that they think is perfectly fine conversation.

i let them know when they are speaking out of line. i don't know that it sinks in.

Nothing wrong with an older person using the term 'colored'. That was the accepted term from their era. I wouldn't expect my Grandparents to stay on top of what the current PC terms are. Besides, the NAACP still exists and stands for what?

PS, I still use the term 'black' and refuse to use 'african american'.

 

[TruePaige]

Originally posted by: pnad
PS, I still use the term 'black' and refuse to use 'african american'.

Is black not PC anymore? Because I still say Black.

Everyone calls me white.

It's the same thing right?

 

[SirStev0]

Just wait till you figure out how antisemitic they are... Assuming they aren't jewish.

 

[Tifababy]

My great uncle who is 94 tells people he's going to the n***** bar when he wants a drink. Apparently, it started during prohibition, but it's one of his black neighbors who sells beer out of a cooler in his kitchen. My jaw almost hit the floor when I heard him say it the first time. He still calls all the black people in his town the N word and they just laugh at him, because he doesn't mean any harm.

My wife's grandma will say anything on her mind. When my sister-in-law went to give her a hug, her grandma asked "Why are you trying to grow a mustache?" and my sister-in-law could only respond with "I guess it's time to get my upper lip waxed."

 

[jagec]

Originally posted by: TruePaige

Originally posted by: pnad
PS, I still use the term 'black' and refuse to use 'african american'.

Is black not PC anymore? Because I still say Black.

Everyone calls me white.

It's the same thing right?

Black makes more sense, unless you ask to see their passport every single time.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Lola
Yesterday evening I went to visit my grandmother in the hospital. She was in a shared room but the gal that was with her was moved or sent home so to save on space, she was transferred to another room down the hall. This occurred during the time I was visiting with her.

When she arrived in her new room, they wheeled her past the other patient. She did not have her glasses on and due to another medical problem, she could not see in one of her eyes... so as she getting "hooked back up" to the machines, etc, she asks me in a VERY loud whisper: "Is that lady next to me black or white"?

I was mortified she said this, even worse, the woman's husband was sitting just a few feet away as well. I ignored her at first but she kept asking! I asked her why it mattered and got rather annoyed. Finally, I was so embarrassed, I went over to the gentleman and apologized for what she had said. This was not the worst either. Her old room-mate was also African-American and in casual conversation with her brother, she kept saying the "N" word as well.

Instances like this happen ALL of the time with my 88 year old grandmother and two old great-aunts. They grew up in Detroit their whole lives and still use very derogatory words no matter what race they are talking about. I am not saying this should be an excuse for them to continue to say things like that, but I am wondering if others notice older people saying things without thinking about them or saying things and thinking nothing is wrong.

To be honest, I am surprised they have never been attacked, physically or verbally because of the rude things they have said in passing, at a store, hospital, restaurant... anywhere.

Do older people think they have a right to say what they please because they are so old? I feel bad reprimanding them when they say something out of line, but with on-going occurances, it is constantly embarassing.

I stopped reading at that point.

 

[Mxylplyx]

I've known plenty of very sweet old ladies who dont have a racist bone in their body, but still refer to blacks as ***** because that is the word most of society used when they were growing up. Many of them dont mean any offense when they say it.

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: James3shin
At a certain age for people, I think the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" applies.

I think it's more lack of motivation, or some kind of pride. I know older people who can use computers with considerable skill, and who aren't afraid of technology. Old people can adapt to new things. Some just don't want to. They like the way things used to be, and view new things as bad or unnecessary. This can include social behaviors. Just because they were brought up in an environment where racial slurs were acceptable doesn't mean it's ok to keep using them.

"Where I was brought up, it was perfectly acceptable to whack women in the face with your penis! Are you going to tell me otherwise, missy? Don't make me whack you one!"

Originally posted by: pnad
PS, I still use the term 'black' and refuse to use 'african american'.

Not to mention, it might not even be accurate. Maybe the person is from India or Jamaica.

On that matter of "black," "white," etc etc....
Black, white - hey, people have different skin colors. If I'm in a room with lots of white people, and I wish to indicate something about a person elsewhere, and he's got very dark skin, it's easy to say, "That black guy over there." It's not a racial slur, it's more of an observation, and a much shorter way of saying, "That guy over there with a high concentration of melanin in his skin."
I worked at a warehouse, and it was almost entirely Hispanics there. There was one other Caucasian worker on the shift (the third was one of the supervisors, so not a "worker," per se). I was simply known as "the white kid" to anyone who didn't know my name. It was easy, it was sufficiently descriptive, and it wasn't intended as an insult.

Should I be upset by being called "white?" I mean, my ancestors were fleeing Poland ahead of the Nazis. My people were oppressed, too. :roll: (No, I'm not trying to trivialize sufferings of the past of any subset of peoples. No one get your panties in a knot.)
Anyway, yeah, we all get it. This country has a pathetic history of slavery and inequality. We know, we get it. Let's acknowledge it, remember it, and stop dwelling on it so damn much. Someone else is black. I'm white. Your ancestors were born on "that" side of what amounts to a line in the dirt. My ancestors were born on "this" side of a line in the dirt. Big freaking deal. Let's just get on with life already.


Well, that got nicely off track. :laugh:

Originally posted by: Mxylplyx
I've known plenty of very sweet old ladies who dont have a racist bone in their body, but still refer to blacks as ***** because that is the word most of society used when they were growing up. Many of them dont mean any offense when they say it.

Even so, it can't be that difficult to adapt. Let's say we're now going to call cats "phligs." I think the transition would be fairly easy to make. Maybe it'd take a bit of thought initially, but it's definitely not some terribly burdensome challenge.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: pnad

Originally posted by: moshquerade
I've chided my grandmother a few times for calling a black person "colored". i tell her, "look, grandma, i'm colored too. we're all colored."

i wonder how we grew up so colorblind and tolerant when you hear some of the things our grandparents say that they think is perfectly fine conversation.

i let them know when they are speaking out of line. i don't know that it sinks in.

Nothing wrong with an older person using the term 'colored'. That was the accepted term from their era. I wouldn't expect my Grandparents to stay on top of what the current PC terms are. Besides, the NAACP still exists and stands for what?

PS, I still use the term 'black' and refuse to use 'african american'.

i don't think colored is a good way to describe a black person, as i've said we are all colored.

nothing wrong with using the word black.

i don't like the phrase African American b/c most of the time the person you address this way is no more from Africa than I am from France or Germany, and when you are this far removed it shouldn't even need to be mentioned.

 

[freakyj92]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: pnad

Originally posted by: moshquerade
I've chided my grandmother a few times for calling a black person "colored". i tell her, "look, grandma, i'm colored too. we're all colored."

i wonder how we grew up so colorblind and tolerant when you hear some of the things our grandparents say that they think is perfectly fine conversation.

i let them know when they are speaking out of line. i don't know that it sinks in.

Nothing wrong with an older person using the term 'colored'. That was the accepted term from their era. I wouldn't expect my Grandparents to stay on top of what the current PC terms are. Besides, the NAACP still exists and stands for what?

PS, I still use the term 'black' and refuse to use 'african american'.

i don't think colored is a good way to describe a black person, as i've said we are all colored.

nothing wrong with using the word black.

i don't like the phrase African American b/c most of the time the person you address this way is no more from Africa than I am from France or Germany, and when you are this far removed it shouldn't even need to be mentioned.

Totally agree. Most black people I know or meet have never set foot outside the state let alone actually came from Africa. And I get annoyed being lobbed into the caucasian group as I was born in freaking Downey California and I have (neither have my parents , or their parents, or their parents) never stepped foot anywhere near the Caucus region in Europe. I grew up in a mostly latino comunity and was referred to as the white guy all the time and it didnt bother at all.

And in regards to old folk,,, before my gramps passed away,,, he would say the N word and other racial slurs. I came to the conclusion that he didn't care. He was old, had diabetes and didnt give a crap what others thought.

 

[Perknose]

Folks, it is simple common courtesy to call people what they wish to be called, and NOT to make loud, red faced arguments about why they shouldn't be called what they fucking well wished to be called. :roll: