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OK to ask in-laws for $$ for 1/2 a guest bed?

S

slackerinabox

Lifer
This is pretty embarrassing for me to even consider asking but here's the whole story, in dashed form:

-I'm currently unemployed and honestly, as hard as I'm trying, don't see me finding a job for at least a few more months

-Last year we bought a Queen mattress set for guest use, which was recently destroyed by my cat due to "moving anxiety" (after we moved from a rental to our own home our cat freaked out and pissed and crapped all over it).

- We constantly get guests, all related to my wife, who visit because NYC is a tourist destination, not because they want to see us. In six months we've had visits 7 times

-We bought an affordable futon for guests

-My portly mother-in-law and her equally portly church friend will be visiting in 3 weeks, her specifically' stating "we're going to need something bigger than a futon - and an air bed won't work"

-Two months of unemployment mixed with an expensive mortgage [that we're paying on time and without complaint, mind you] plus my guess that I have a few more months of unemployment left makes me very, very worried about spending ANYTHING, let alone $300+ for a new Queen sized mattress set

I don't want guests, I never do - while I'm not going to say my in-laws can't visit, I'm really worried about any big purchases. I've kinda gone into survival mode and we've stripped all of our utilities to basic levels, and have a ton of house and car expenses that I've put off because spending money right now seems foolish. Dropping so much money when I know I have a mortgage to pay and so many other responsibilities is stressing me out so much - is asking for 1/2 of the bed purchase a terrible idea?

*UPDATE*
Thanks for all of the suggestions - my wife spoke to my MIL today and,when asked if we needed any $$ to prepare for their visit, accepted. All is well 🙂
 
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I don't think it would be unreasonable to say "money's been tight and outfitting our guest room hasn't been a priority. if the accommodations we can provide aren't good enough, feel free to stay in a hotel."

of course, true hospitality would be giving them your best while you suffer on the futon for a night or two.
 
Not at all. If they are not comfortable on a futon then they can buy a bed at their expense. If you need money for rent 6 months from now are they gonna pay it?
 
"we're going to need something bigger than a futon - and an air bed won't work"

Reply: There's a nice hotel near us located at...

You need to let your wife know you aren't running a bed and breakfast.
 
loki8481 said:
true hospitality would be giving them your best while you suffer on the futon for a night or two.
Click to expand...

This.
It's your mother-in-law. She's in the wrong for demanding something other than what you have, but she's still your mother-in-law.

And it's your wife who should deal with her mother, not you.
 
x_86 said:
"we're going to need something bigger than a futon - and an air bed won't work"

Reply: There's a nice hotel near us located at...

You need to let your wife know you aren't running a bed and breakfast.
Click to expand...

I had to already put my foot down when her cousin visited TWICE in Feb so that he could screw his boyfriend - he wanted to visit for an entire week this month and I held my ground - "I've had long distances before and I sure as hell didn't expect other people to be inconvenienced for me!" ... She agreed and, after winning that battle, I don't want to be a hard ass about her own mom.

Thanks guys for the reasoning, I'm going to ask for 1/2 because I know they'll get repeated use out of it (and hotels in NYC/Brooklyn cost quite a bit so $150 or so for a mattress will probably seem reasonable to them), and going 1/2 seems like a reasonable compromise... I don't want to seem like a stick in the mud, especially after the drama with her cousin (and me banning him from monthly visits)
 
allisolm said:
This.
It's your mother-in-law. She's in the wrong for demanding something other than what you have, but she's still your mother-in-law.

And it's your wife who should deal with her mother, not you.
Click to expand...

I considered letting them use our mattress but, honestly, two people who weigh 300+ sweat.. A lot.. I'm a portly fellow myself, so I'm not mocking them but recognizing that we sweat...Call me weird but I just don't like sharing beds with people other than my wife.... Never have liked it, maybe it's me being anal but I don't want our bed to turn into communal thing.
 
I would let your wife handle the situation. If you are not going to pony up the money for a new mattress she needs to make other arrangements with her mother not you.
 
dbk said:
She's really cute :awe:.... but i could see her having a fat mom :twisted:
Click to expand...

hAHA, thanks. She's a doll and, yeah, both sides of the family have weight problems... But it's kinda awesome having a mate who's going through the same weight battle as you - makes weight loss easier when you have a partner.
 
ZOOYUKA said:
I would let your wife handle the situation. If you are not going to pony up the money for a new mattress she needs to make other arrangements with her mother not you.
Click to expand...

Agreed, but I'm the budgeter of the family so it all falls on me in the end (regardless if she does the actually asking or not). My wife's not in the wrong here and, in fact, is the primary wage earner right now. She just defaults to me when it comes to expenses.
 
ZOOYUKA said:
I would let your wife handle the situation. If you are not going to pony up the money for a new mattress she needs to make other arrangements with her mother not you.
Click to expand...

That's the best advice I've heard. Let your wife explain the situation.

And to the people saying "give up your bed and suffer on the futon" -- I strongly disagree. It isn't a Holiday Inn; it is his house and they need to take what he has or stay in a hotel. He has a right to sleep comfortably in his own home.

EDIT: I read that you handle the finances, so your wife would probably defer to you anyway. That's fine, but I would still let your wife handle the discussion with her mom.
 
Posting pics of your wife online is dangerous territory 😛

Yeah I don't see why you're wife can't do the talking on this one since they are her relatives and she's the one having so many guests over. Infact, tell her to ask for 100% of the cost of the guest bed.
 
blanghorst said:
That's the best advice I've heard. Let your wife explain the situation.

And to the people saying "give up your bed and suffer on the futon" -- I strongly disagree. It isn't a Holiday Inn; it is his house and they need to take what he has or stay in a hotel. He has a right to sleep comfortably in his own home.

EDIT: I read that you handle the finances, so your wife would probably defer to you anyway. That's fine, but I would still let your wife handle the discussion with her mom.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the bit on not suffering on the futon - comfort aside, am I the only one who thinks it's skeezy to share the mattress you sleep on every night with strangers? My MIL is one thing, but her church/knitting buddy? I have no idea what her personal hygiene standards are and...I'm getting nauseous just thinking about them coming home from a long, tiring day of site seeing, sweaty feet and all and plopping down on my bed.. Soaking through our memory foam topper, dripping into the mattress and.. Ack! Hell no, I'm not lending them my mattress!
 
Given the context : I still don't think it's ideal to ask her for money. Worst case: I'd just deal with the futon, but really: if she has those kinds of requirements it'd be better to get a hotel/motel i'd imagine.
 
freedomsbeat212 said:
-My portly mother-in-law and her equally portly church friend will be visiting in 3 weeks, her specifically' stating "we're going to need something bigger than a futon - and an air bed won't work"
Click to expand...

That comment is completely unacceptable. If I was in your situation, I would tell the wife that no more relatives will be staying in the house/apartment. Period. (This is probably one of the reasons I am not married.) And if the wife pushed back and invited them anyway, I would find another place to stay while they are in town.

-KeithP
 
this is a really INSANE idea, but how about actually communicating to them what you have, and how it isn't enough, and how much you'd like to be able to afford a brand new bed for them to sleep in, but times are tight right now so they'll have to make due.

communicating with people instead of asking ATOT. it's a really crazy concept... frankly i don't know if it's been tried before... but something you might want to consider. just a WILD thought. g/l
 
another WILD WILD WILD crazy idea...

let them use your bed (if it's big enough) and you rough it out on the fouton for the duration of their stay.

these ideas... so crazy... wow. i better just stop now.
 
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