Official P&N Joke Thread

[Stunt]

Converted to keep "some people" happy.

Conservative jokes:

Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.' Because I'm not a liberal Democrat.''Then,' asks the teacher, 'What are you?''Why I'm a proud conservative Republican,' boasts the little girl.The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why sheis a conservative Republican.'Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too.'The teacher, now angry, loudly says, 'That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?'She pauses, and lets out a smile. 'Then,' Lucy says, 'I'd be a liberal Democrat.'

Liberal Joke:

You Might Be A Republican If:

-You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
-You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
-You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
-You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend".
-You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
-You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
-You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
-The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
-You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
-You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
-You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
-You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
-You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
-You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
-You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
-You answer to "The Man."
-You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
-You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
-You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
-You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
-You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
-When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
-You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
-You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
-You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
-Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
-You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
-You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
-You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
-You've ever called education a luxury.
-You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
-You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
-You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
-You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
-You're afraid of "[the so-called "liberal media"]."
-You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
-You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
-You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
-You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

 

[Tab]

HA HA HA HA HA

 

[Proletariat]

Heard it before.

Thats a pretty crappy joke regardless.

 

[TastesLikeChicken]

 

[Gigantopithecus]

Why don't Republicans support the right to have an abortion?





It's not as sporting to kill the unborn as it is an 18 year old in a war!

 

[Tommunist]

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

 

[Darthvoy]

Ahh yes... God forbid someone helps another in need.. :disgust:

 

[Gigantopithecus]

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

Only a lib would laugh at this joke, the conservative wouldn't recognize the exaggeration of the analogy.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

 

[Proletariat]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

Pssst its not funny.

Btw that thread in your sig is retarded.

 

[zendari]

Haha.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: Gigantopithecus

Originally posted by: Tommunist

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

Only a lib would laugh at this joke, the conservative wouldn't recognize the exaggeration of the analogy.

*sigh*

Give it up, Stunt. There's not such ting as "keep it light" when the Gods of Punditry are online. :roll:

 

[Stunt]

Oh well...what can you do...
People take things way too seriously around here.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: Proletariat

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Tommunist


worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

Pssst its not funny.

Btw that thread in your sig is retarded.

1) Then don't laugh. Problem solved.
2) OK.

Anything else I can help you with today, Princess?

 

[NJDevil]

I chuckled ... to all you asshats who are ruining this thread:

:thumbsdown:

 

[Proletariat]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Gigantopithecus

Originally posted by: Tommunist

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

Only a lib would laugh at this joke, the conservative wouldn't recognize the exaggeration of the analogy.

*sigh*

Give it up, Stunt. There's not such ting as "keep it light" when the Gods of Punditry are online. :roll:

Its a dumb joke and pretty insulting.

The only reason you like is because you're a conservative. Admit it.

 

[Tommunist]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

have you heard any good jokes about blacks or jews lately? man those are funnaaaaay! b/c they are just jokes right?

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: Proletariat

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Gigantopithecus

Originally posted by: Tommunist

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

Only a lib would laugh at this joke, the conservative wouldn't recognize the exaggeration of the analogy.

*sigh*

Give it up, Stunt. There's not such ting as "keep it light" when the Gods of Punditry are online. :roll:

Its a dumb joke and pretty insulting.

The only reason you like is because you're a conservative. Admit it.

Sure, just as soon as you admit you don't find it funny for the exact same reason. :lips:

 

[Proletariat]

Originally posted by: NJDevil
I chuckled ... to all you asshats who are ruining this thread:

:thumbsdown:

Your the asshat.

Post a better joke and maybe we'll laugh.

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Tommunist

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

have you heard any good jokes about blacks or jews lately? man those are funnaaaaay! b/c they are just jokes right?

Yes, because the plight of the liberals is similiar to that of the holocaust and years of slavery and oppression.

You might want to rethink your "worst analogy ever" award there, huh?

 

[TastesLikeChicken]

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

have you heard any good jokes about blacks or jews lately? man those are funnaaaaay! b/c they are just jokes right?

Liberals are an ethnic and religious group now?

When did this happen?

 

[1EZduzit]

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

And the point is?

 

[RightIsWrong]

I just thought that it was an incredibly stupid joke. I was waiting for her to reply with an analogy that would have been humorous to save it but alas......

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: TastesLikeChicken

Originally posted by: Tommunist

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger

Originally posted by: Tommunist


worst analogy evarrrrrrr

(psssst - see the letters j, o, k, and e in the title?)

have you heard any good jokes about blacks or jews lately? man those are funnaaaaay! b/c they are just jokes right?

Liberals are an ethnic and religious group now?

When did this happen?

I think the response you are looking for is:

worst analogy evarrrrrrr

 

[daveymark]

Originally posted by: Stunt
Sandy a liberal college student was looking forward to going home for the holidays and having some good debates with her conservative father. After the small talk her father asks her how she is doing in her classes. "I'm doing very well so far, I'm getting a solid 4.0 GPA but it sure takes a lot of hard work. Between classes, studying and homework there is not much time left for any social life"

That's good to hear you're doing so well her father replies, how is your friend Sally doing?

"She's not doing very well at all. She goes out partying almost every night, very rarely does any homework, and is just barely squeeking out a 2.0 GPA"

"Well how about this" her father replies "why don't you offer to give her 1 point from your GPA so she will be able to continue her education. You will both finish with a 3.0 and be able to continue next year"

Sandra replied "what are you crazy, I worked hard for my GPA and I'm not giving it up to anyone who is lazy and doesn't do any work to help themselves"

"Welcome to the conservatives dear" her father replied

I thought liberals were the ones that were all about welfare?