Official "funniest lines from the Simpsons"thread

[JC]

Oh, so many classics

I love the Sideshow Bob episodes....they rule!

Sideshow Bob: "This is because I got to be Krusty's sidekick, isn't it?"
Cecil: "I don't know what you're talking about"
Bob: "Oh, come now.....what about the buffoon lessons.....the four years at clown college?"
Cecil: "I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way"

Cecil: "I'm Chief Hydrological and Hydrodynamical Engineer"
Bob: "Ooh, Hydrological and Hydrodynamical....you really run the gamut"
Cecil: "Laugh if you will, Bob, but you'll find you get more respect as a humble civil servant than as a homicidal maniac"
Bob: "Touche, Cecil"

PS oh yeah, see sig

 

[MrCodeDude]

"Freeze you crazy mommy!" - Ralph Wiggum
-- mrcodedude

 

[Deeko]

Bart(to half frog-man): Hey, defend my honor!
frog thing: blaarhgh(throws up) every moment I exist is agony

Homer: I'm stuck with these stupid one-tuplets
Bart: Geez homer, sorry for being born
Homer: (hugs bart) I've been waiting all my life to hear that
Bart: (shrugs and hugs back)

Homer: You could sit here eating dogfood until your tears smell enough like dogfood to make your dog comes home, or you could go out and find your dog!
Bart: You're right! (runs out)
Homer: Rats, I almost had him eating dogfood

Doctor: You have a crayon in your brain.
Homer: (points to his chest) I have a crayon in my brain?
Doctor: (pushes his hand up to his brain)

 

[Deeko]

moe: I'll scare it away with my cougar call (does cougar call)
Homer: ooh! A Cougar! (shoots)
Moe: Ow! You shot me in the leg!
Homer: I shot the cougar in the leg!

 

[BaDNaN0TH0N]

mr burns: "What country is that over there, it just screams capitalism"
smithers: "Thats Cuba sir."
mr burns: "Ok, land the plane Smithers."
smithers: "Sir, you're flying"
mr burns: "Excellent."

 

[lestat]

in the halloween episode where lisa and bart turn the town into zombies:

homer blows away ned flanders with a shotgun

bart: you killed zombie flanders!
homer: he was a zombie?

 

[StuckMojo]

Homer: "Oh, i might offend some of the blue noses with my cockey stride and my musky odors.
Sure, i'll never be the darling of these so called town fathers, who cluck there tongues and
stroke their beards and proclaim: "what is to be done with this Homer Simpon?""

 

[Ferrari355]

"Aw hell diddly ding dong crap."

 

[Mucman]

My two favorites are now censored

(Episode of Homer Kong)

(Marge asks to join the expedition...)
Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Burns: We know what you think.

(Episode where Homer gets the job in Cypress Creek working for Hank Scorpio)

(Hank Scorpio giving Homer a cup of coffee)
Hank: Do you want sugar with that?
Homer: Sure!
(Hank grabs some sugar out of his pocket and hands it to Homer)
Hank: Cream?
Homer: uhhh, no! (looking grossed out and backs away)

 

[AGodspeed]

Lol, I love the Simpsons. Anyway, here's one of my favorite lines:

- Principle Skinner : "It's true, I'm not the real Principle Skinner, that man is."

- Disbelief on the faces of Everyone in the School Auditorium

- Homer, thinking to himself: "Look shocked and move slowly towards the cake."

 

[CivilRightsLawyer]

i dont remember the exact phrase, but it was a new episode a few weeks ago, where Mr. Burns went on a date and he had Homer do all the talking for him.

In one scene, Mr. Burns is at the bar with his date, and Homer is sitting next to Mr. Burns.

Mr. Burns tells Homer "put my hand on her leg".

Home moves his hands.

Mr. Burn goes "I said my hand. I said her leg"

or something like that........

i thought it was hilarious...because i thought Homer might have put Mr. Burns hands on Homer's wee-wee!!

 

[normajean]

knock,knock

Homer:"Who is it?"

Voice:"Goons"

Homer:"Goons?"

Voice:"Hired Goons"

 

[CStroman]

Homer and Marge are singing their version of "Those Were the Days" and Homer has this line:

"Michael Jackson still was black..."

It's just funny.

EDIT: typo

 

[HydroStream6]

LOL! ahh these bring back memories...

I also love that conversation with Scorpio about the hammocks.... it goes something like this:

Hank Scorpio: Homer, what can I do for you?

Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

Hank Scorpio: Hammocks. My goodness what an idea! Why didn't I think of that!? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on Third...

Homer: Uh huh.

Hank Scorpio: There's Hammocks R Us, that's on Third too. You've got Put Your Butt There. That's on Third. Swing Low Sweet Chariot, wait, as a matter of fact, they're all in the same complex, it's the Hammock Complex down on Third.

Homer: Oh.. the Hammock District!

Hank Scorpio: That's right.

 

[kranky]

That hammock one is good.

(HOMER EATS POISON FUGU)
Dr. Hibbard: You have only 24 hours to live.
Homer: I do?
Dr.: Well, really only 23. Sorry I kept you waiting.
Homer: Marge, I'm going to die.
Dr.: Now you'll go through 5 different stages; the first is denial.
Homer: NO WAY, 'cause I'm not dying.
Dr.: Secondly, anger.
Homer:Why you dirty little @#$%&*!
Dr.: Then comes fear.
Homer: Doc, what'll I do, what'll I DOOOO?
Dr.: Next, bargaining.
Homer: Hey Doc, you gotta get me outta this. I'll make it worth your while.
Dr.:And finally, acceptance.
Homer:Well, we all gotta go sometime.
Dr.: Mr. Simpson, you progress is amazing. Perhaps this pamphlet Will help. *hands Homer pamphlet*

Title Of Pamphlet: "SO YOU'RE GOING TO DIE".

 

[normajean]

Homer singing "my bologna has a first name it's H O M E R, my bologna has a second name it's H O M E R."

 

[normajean]

homer:

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

"To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems"

my favorite...

"What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

 

[Deeko]

Marge: Umm, Homer, he enjoys the company of men.
Homer: Who doesn't??

 

[normajean]

moe "now this is a shell, now to me...this may sound crazy...this is a helmet for a mouse..."

 

[Masas]

Frank Grimey: SIMPSON! You've got a 3-14 (or something) in your sector!
Homer raises hand and looks at watch
Grimey: NO...a 3-14!
Homer gives blank look
Grimey: A 3-14!!!
Homer "glances" at watch
Grimey: 3-14!
Homer: OHHH, a three-FOURTEEN...
*walks to safety module and pours water over it*


bahhahahahaha

 

[Perknose]

From last night's (Dec. 9th) episode:

Homer is remembering his youth under hypnosis. He and Lenny and Carl hike to an anbandoned quarry, and are considering their futures. Lenny says that new invention the "Internet" is hot. Carl asks what it is. Lenny explains it's a radically new supportive mesh pocket for his "boys" in his shorts. Homer subsequently dives into the quarry, which is drained of water. He lands in the mud, and starts screaming, which alarms all three of them.

Lenny then says, looking down at his shorts, "Oops. I think I just logged on to my internet." ROTFL!!

 

[normajean]

Moe: You did it, Grampa! You really are a love expert.
Grampa: Dang right. Fact is, I invented kissing. It was during
World War I, and they were looking for a new way to spread
germs...

 

[aphex]

Mmmmmmm.... Old thread i was lookin at, thought id share

 

[PrinceofWands]

Homer and the family in the car, all wearing hats and tshirts that say 'Witness Relocation Program'. Sideshow Bob is hanging under the car.

Homer(excitedly): Who wants to drive through a cactus patch?!
Marge: YEAH!
Lisa: YEAH!
Bart: YEAH!
Sideshow (faintly): Noooooo.


-----------------------------

Homer, at the American Embassy in Australia, is jumping back and forth across the property line while a US Marine watches.

Homer: America...Australia...America...Australia...America...Australia...America...Australia...

The Marine punches him, knocking him out.

Marine: Here in America we don't go for that kind of crap, sir!

 

[LeStEr]

*Barney wins a life supply of Duff Berr*

"Just give it to me in my veins!"