Official "funniest lines from the Simpsons"thread

[normajean]

Ground shakes
Homer:"what was that?"
Tribesman:"we call that ack kich ech kic uch,(reaches in mouth), sorry fishbone stuck in throat, we call that earthquake"

 

[punkrawket]

eh.... that one is okay, there is a better one from that episode (actually lots)

my favorite is

Homer : "No beer and no tv make Homer..."
Marge : "Go crazy?"
Homer : "Don't mind if I do !"

EDIT: oh ya, almost forgot, look at my sig

 

[astriy]

"It's because they're stupid, that's why! That's why everybody does everything." - Homer J.

 

[minendo]

"It tastes like burning"

also, see sig

 

[FrogDog]

Homer (trying to sound like Mr. Burns): "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me.
Mailman: "Alright Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"
Homer: "I don't know..."

 

[MrDingleDangle]

3 favorites-

"When you dont like your job you dont strike. You go in and do it really half assed. THATS THE AMERICAN WAY!" -Homer-

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of lifes problems"

"what do you have to drink?"
"Mountain Dew or Crab Juice"
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I'll have the crab juice"

you see, the last one is funny becuase most people in today society within the United States are very used to Mt. Dew, while crab juice is something that is rare and most people havent had, even wouldnt like to try. But you see Homer, says EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW, and you think he is saying that about the crab juice, but actually he is saying that about the Mt. Dew, therefore he chooses to drink the crab juice, which to most americans is not the normal choice.

 

[normajean]

Homer (trying to sound like Mr. Burns): "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me.
LOL, I love that one!

 

[FrogDog]

<< you see, the last one is funny becuase most people in today society within the United States are very used to Mt. Dew, while crab juice is something that is rare and most people havent had, even wouldnt like to try. But you see Homer, says EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW, and you think he is saying that about the crab juice, but actually he is saying that about the Mt. Dew, therefore he chooses to drink the crab juice, which to most americans is not the normal choice. >>

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

 

[geekybear]

"I bent my wookie."-Ralph

 

[libertine]

Homer: "Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a q-tip!"

Homer: "Don't worry, head, the computer will do our thinking now. Computer - kill Flanders."
Flanders: "Did I hear my name? My ears are burning!"
Homer : (whispering to the mouse) "Good start. Now finish the job!"

 

[royaldank]

There was an episode when they were trimming the tree. Lisa was on a stool spraying fake snow on the tree and getting light headed and dizzy.

Lisa (to Marge): "Can we stop now? I'm getting dizzy."
Marge: "Not yet, there's still some green left."

If you're not an avid smoker, you might not catch this as some of the best pot humor that was so prevelant for a few seasons. Back when Conan was with the show.

 

[KeyserSoze]

Did ANYONE see this past Sunday's episode where Homer was going with Mr. Burns on all of his dates.

And at one point, Mr. Burns goes "Homer, can you put my hand on her knee." Then a second later, Mr. Burns goes, "I said HER, and KNEE." (Your supposed to assume that HOMER put Mr. Burns hand on him.) You have to see that one. I was dying laughing.


Yeah, too many lines.
LISA: Aunt Patty, have you ever considered artificial insemination?
HOMER: I don't know Lisa, you'd have to be pretty desperate to do it with a robot. (Marge whispers in Homer's Ear.) I know THAT"




KeyserSoze

 

[jobberd]

s'all been done before

 

[LordThing]

"My Cat's Breathe smells like cat food" -Ralph
"My Cat's name is mittens" -Ralph Again
"The Goggles. They do nothing!!" -McBain being covered with Acid.
"You cannot hurt a twinkie" -Apu


Man...there are so many...will have to sit and think of some more.

 

[BigJohnKC]

I can't remember what episode it was from, but:

"mmmm....melted hog fat..."

 

[areohbe]

Homer - "I am Smart! S-M-R-T I am Smart!"

Homer (pronouncing Uruguay) - "U R Gay heh heh heh heh!"

oh yeah not sure if i'm getting this one right but

Homer to Marge - "You don't snuggle with Max Power. You just sit back and FEEL THE G's!"

 

[MrDingleDangle]

Ok brain, i dont like you and you dont like me, but lets just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer

 

[Saltin]

**Two Marge's outside. One raking leaves, the other chopping wood. Homer lies in a Hamock***

Marge says " you know, Homer, theres alot of *other* things two wives could be doing for you....."

Homer says " I hear raking, but I dont hear chopping!"

 

[FrogDog]

Moe (looking at his truck-sized deep fryer): I got it special from the military. This thing can flash-fry a buffalo in 8 seconds.
Homer: Ohh, 8 seconds, but I want it now!

 

[Haircut]

In the episode where Homer gets the sugar and is being stung by bees.
'Ow, owwwww they're defending themselves somehow'

The one where Bart becomes friends with Ralph.
Chief Wiggum: 'What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery"

 

[DnetMHZ]

Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: [pause] Yes.

Classic!..

DnetMHZ

 

[habib89]

(this isn't exact, but it's the jist)

this is the one where bart is handcuffed to homer...

bart: i need to go bathroom
homer: just use this bottle
marge: NO! just bring him to the bathroom!
homer: FINE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY WE HAVE A BOTTLE!

and when homer has a crayon stuck in his brain

doctor: we can remove the crayon. it may kill you, or vastly increase your brain power
homer: increase my killing power eh?!?!

 

[flood]

Me fail english? Thats unpossible!

Arr! Matey!
Aye, The Hotpants.

 

[normajean]

marge talking about homer's brain surgury,""homer, you lost 10% of your brain"

homer:"me lose brain? Hahahahhahaha.........................why I laugh?" "

 

[Amused]

SAVE ME JEEBUS!!!