Seems to me that both sides are overplaying their hands here. The al Qaeda connection is full of wiggle room. Yes, these groups all have ties to al Qaeda and al Qaeda may well have consulted on the attack, but it clearly was not an al Qaeda attack. The video was used by radical Muslim clerics to whip up an anti-American frenzy, but the video itself was not the cause or even a cause; this attack like the others before it was part of the campaign to make Libya an Islamic theocracy rather than a democracy. Everyone knows this. As to whomever issued the stand-down order, that may well be a blessing in disguise. Clearly we stepped on our collective dick by neither being prepared for the attack we knew was coming nor fleeing the area like our allies. We had, what, a dozen or so troops in position to respond, with no back-up, no heavy weapons, no air support or recce, not even freakin' transport. Standard Islamic terrorist technique is to hit the QFR, hit and run/remotely detonated bomb if it's strong and attempt to overrun it if it's weak. As witnessed by them hitting the reaction force the next morning, they were clearly prepared to execute this technique. As always our Libyan "allies" promptly scattered when fired upon (and that's the best one can hope for, that they merely run rather than joining in the attack.) Had we sent a small force on foot or in civilian vehicles that night, they might well have been massacred. Yes, it's deplorable that the Obama administration lied, but hardly surprising. Does anyone really think Bush didn't pick the most politically favorable scenario when needed, even when his advisers were telling him that's most likely not what happened? Or Clinton before him? I rate them both considerably above Obama in terms of honesty, but this is politics, people. This is not a game where honesty is rewarded, and that's on us voters as much as on the politicians.
I favor on principle always responding, never leaving a man behind, always making the effort. But there are exceptions, times when your side has fucked up so badly or been beaten or out-maneuvered so badly that it's just not practical and you're merely sending more men to die. That's probably the hardest call a commander has to make, to abandon men who are his responsibility, but there are times when it's the only right call. This may have been one of those times. I'd love to know for sure, but since at this point I trust neither side to tell the truth I doubt I'll ever know for sure.