- Jan 9, 2001
- 7,572
- 2
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I should probably label this "yet another woe-is-me teen angst thread" or something to that effect, but these are just some thoughts running through my mind as I went for a walk this afternoon. I was wandering around my neighborhood where I've lived for a number of years, and recalling my days of elementary school. When I was in 3rd grade my eldest sister went off to college (big age difference, huh?), but my other sister was in 8th grade at the time. She and I were always really close.
Anyhow, I was looking at the houses and remembering the activities from those days, there were dozens of kids of all ages festering about the neighborhood, always something to do. We would hold big games of "Kick-The-Can" in the cul-de-sac, games of basketball or Horse at any of the basketball hoops in the various driveways, softball, you name it. We would do this until the street lights came on, then usually we'd gather inside my friend Matt's house who lived down the street. Matt was about three years older than me, but we shared a lot of interests (namely sports), and always got along real well. The whole flock of kids, aging from a year or two younger than me up through early high school. We'd play hide-and-seek and watch Bulls games on TV, and whatever else struck our fancy.
9:00 or so the shouts would come out from the parents for us to scurry home. We never wanted to, but didn't dare give more than a single whine of protest. My sister would rush home and head up into her bedroom. She had a TV and a CD player, all we needed. That, and candy. You see, in the afternoons, she and I would go to the local convenience store further down the street and splurge what little money we had on gummy bears and chocolate. At this 9:30-ish hour, she and I would whip out the candy and watch Nickelodeon (Saturday night was SNICK!- "Are You Afraid of the Dark?").
Of course, in retrospect, what always made it so enjoyable had nothing to do with the basketball, the candy, or the TV. It was that there were always lots of kids to play with and lots of fun to be had.
Then I hit middle school. The aforementioned sister left for college just as the first was graduating college, leaving me the only kid in the house. This was not, however, before she experienced high school, dating a guy for close to three years. She had the time of her life, though she'll never admit it now. She NEVER stayed home on weekends, she was always out having a good time with someone or another. By this time, many of the kids on the block were no longer kids, and were either in college or about to be. I didn't care. Middle school was terrible in so many respects, I don't ever want to go back to that time. The only good things to come out of it were two best friends: Greg and Jake. It didn't take too many sixth-grade months to figure out that my friends from elementary school had been replaced. I loved hanging out with these guys-we thought we were so bad-ass, stealing cigarrettes and smoking pot (in the latter part of middle school, anyhow). Girls had of course become the coolest thing ever and were more often than not the topic of conversation. Video games rocked, too. I remember going to Greg's house on weekends (he had a Nintendo 64) and playing stupid shooters to death. His older brother was slightly younger than my sister, and whenever he was home it was wonderful-he was hilarious, and, still being in high school, always had a beautiful girl on his arm, and was always on his way out with friends.
Indeed there was a lot to enjoy, but I didn't realize that at the time. In middle school, stupid things matter. Popularity was the most important thing to have, and I did not have it. Still, I wasn't completley miserable, but I have no urge to go back to a time where some random childish insult from someone I'd never met (middle schoolers are malicious little devils) would haunt me endlessly.
Then I hit freshmen year. Jake and I became closer than ever this year, and in a way, so did Greg and I. The three of us hung out all the time, playing music (our "band" sucked, but we didn't care), listening to music, or just hanging out and doing random sh!t. School was so much better-both in terms of the academics and the student body's overall personality. Yeah, there were still idiots out there, but the demographic seemed to be smaller.
Sophomore year ran similarly to freshmen year. My "trio" was strong as ever, we hung out constantly and always had a blast. Music really started to take off for me; for the first time in my life I was getting paid to play (and write). As a result, my grades suffered, but I always somehow managed to bring them back to an acceptable level before the terms ended. Driver's Ed happened, and we couldn't have been more excited. This, I told myself, was when high school started. See, I'd been telling myself all this time that once my friends and I got our liscences, we would start experiencing what we had in our minds high school truly was. It was what we watched my sister and Greg's brother experience. It seemed to be social bliss.
I am now a junior in high school, and the 3rd quarter of school has just concluded. I've been reflecting on this year, and am disappointed at the lack of things to tell about it. Greg and I are still best friends, but he started dating this really sweet girl. I couldn't be more happy for them, but it does mean I end up taking a backseat on weekends sometimes, if you know what I mean. Jake and I have distanced considerably. We haven't hung out once outside of school this entire school year, at least not since September.
My emotions are sort of mixed at the moment. The year I was expecting high school to take off, it sort of seemed to die. I have a car, but where do I go with it? I think I have a false image of what my life should be, taking bits and pieces from Hollywood, as well as witnessing my sister's gleeful journey through grades 9-12. I have these ideas of what I should be experiencing, and am so disappointed that I'm not. And then I get to thinking: "wait a minute...I never enjoyed all these past years either, I never realized what I had. I always expected it to get better later, and never realized, took for granted really, all the good things I had going for me then. Could that happen this year, too? Am I gonna look back later and realize how I good I have it right now? As the movie says: What if this is as good as it gets?"
Anyhow, I've been typing for far too long, I don't really expect anyone to read this whole thing. Just what was going on in my head. Jake and I are actually supposed to hang out this afternoon sometime for the first time since school started, but we'll see if that actually pans out or not (I'm not optimistic).
I'd also just like to add that I recognize that these are ridiculous "troubles" given current world events. I don't claim to hold a candle to what others are experiencing right now, but I can't control my emotions about my own problems, as well.
Anyhow, I was looking at the houses and remembering the activities from those days, there were dozens of kids of all ages festering about the neighborhood, always something to do. We would hold big games of "Kick-The-Can" in the cul-de-sac, games of basketball or Horse at any of the basketball hoops in the various driveways, softball, you name it. We would do this until the street lights came on, then usually we'd gather inside my friend Matt's house who lived down the street. Matt was about three years older than me, but we shared a lot of interests (namely sports), and always got along real well. The whole flock of kids, aging from a year or two younger than me up through early high school. We'd play hide-and-seek and watch Bulls games on TV, and whatever else struck our fancy.
9:00 or so the shouts would come out from the parents for us to scurry home. We never wanted to, but didn't dare give more than a single whine of protest. My sister would rush home and head up into her bedroom. She had a TV and a CD player, all we needed. That, and candy. You see, in the afternoons, she and I would go to the local convenience store further down the street and splurge what little money we had on gummy bears and chocolate. At this 9:30-ish hour, she and I would whip out the candy and watch Nickelodeon (Saturday night was SNICK!- "Are You Afraid of the Dark?").
Of course, in retrospect, what always made it so enjoyable had nothing to do with the basketball, the candy, or the TV. It was that there were always lots of kids to play with and lots of fun to be had.
Then I hit middle school. The aforementioned sister left for college just as the first was graduating college, leaving me the only kid in the house. This was not, however, before she experienced high school, dating a guy for close to three years. She had the time of her life, though she'll never admit it now. She NEVER stayed home on weekends, she was always out having a good time with someone or another. By this time, many of the kids on the block were no longer kids, and were either in college or about to be. I didn't care. Middle school was terrible in so many respects, I don't ever want to go back to that time. The only good things to come out of it were two best friends: Greg and Jake. It didn't take too many sixth-grade months to figure out that my friends from elementary school had been replaced. I loved hanging out with these guys-we thought we were so bad-ass, stealing cigarrettes and smoking pot (in the latter part of middle school, anyhow). Girls had of course become the coolest thing ever and were more often than not the topic of conversation. Video games rocked, too. I remember going to Greg's house on weekends (he had a Nintendo 64) and playing stupid shooters to death. His older brother was slightly younger than my sister, and whenever he was home it was wonderful-he was hilarious, and, still being in high school, always had a beautiful girl on his arm, and was always on his way out with friends.
Indeed there was a lot to enjoy, but I didn't realize that at the time. In middle school, stupid things matter. Popularity was the most important thing to have, and I did not have it. Still, I wasn't completley miserable, but I have no urge to go back to a time where some random childish insult from someone I'd never met (middle schoolers are malicious little devils) would haunt me endlessly.
Then I hit freshmen year. Jake and I became closer than ever this year, and in a way, so did Greg and I. The three of us hung out all the time, playing music (our "band" sucked, but we didn't care), listening to music, or just hanging out and doing random sh!t. School was so much better-both in terms of the academics and the student body's overall personality. Yeah, there were still idiots out there, but the demographic seemed to be smaller.
Sophomore year ran similarly to freshmen year. My "trio" was strong as ever, we hung out constantly and always had a blast. Music really started to take off for me; for the first time in my life I was getting paid to play (and write). As a result, my grades suffered, but I always somehow managed to bring them back to an acceptable level before the terms ended. Driver's Ed happened, and we couldn't have been more excited. This, I told myself, was when high school started. See, I'd been telling myself all this time that once my friends and I got our liscences, we would start experiencing what we had in our minds high school truly was. It was what we watched my sister and Greg's brother experience. It seemed to be social bliss.
I am now a junior in high school, and the 3rd quarter of school has just concluded. I've been reflecting on this year, and am disappointed at the lack of things to tell about it. Greg and I are still best friends, but he started dating this really sweet girl. I couldn't be more happy for them, but it does mean I end up taking a backseat on weekends sometimes, if you know what I mean. Jake and I have distanced considerably. We haven't hung out once outside of school this entire school year, at least not since September.
My emotions are sort of mixed at the moment. The year I was expecting high school to take off, it sort of seemed to die. I have a car, but where do I go with it? I think I have a false image of what my life should be, taking bits and pieces from Hollywood, as well as witnessing my sister's gleeful journey through grades 9-12. I have these ideas of what I should be experiencing, and am so disappointed that I'm not. And then I get to thinking: "wait a minute...I never enjoyed all these past years either, I never realized what I had. I always expected it to get better later, and never realized, took for granted really, all the good things I had going for me then. Could that happen this year, too? Am I gonna look back later and realize how I good I have it right now? As the movie says: What if this is as good as it gets?"
Anyhow, I've been typing for far too long, I don't really expect anyone to read this whole thing. Just what was going on in my head. Jake and I are actually supposed to hang out this afternoon sometime for the first time since school started, but we'll see if that actually pans out or not (I'm not optimistic).
I'd also just like to add that I recognize that these are ridiculous "troubles" given current world events. I don't claim to hold a candle to what others are experiencing right now, but I can't control my emotions about my own problems, as well.
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