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No I am not hiring and even if I were I wouldn't consider you!!
- Thread starter shiner
- Start date
BatmanNate
Lifer
Damn it I posted your info in the seeking employment ad instead of the seeking hermaphrodite section that was next to it. 🙁 Hold on a sec.
Yep. When the economy is tight and jobs are scarce, people get desparate for a job. They have mortgages to pay and mouths to feed. After they have contacted 1000 HR departments only to never hear anything, I understand where they might try something more aggressive. You might not hire them, but in their mind, that is no worse than getting an automatic no response from HR departments.
shiner
Lifer
This is an example of the crap I've been getting...
Dear ******,
Kindly permit my enterance to your organisation
for the experience needed to accomplish my
goal.
Looking forward to hearing from you. I do not
have my resume handy right here, but will send it as
soon as you give the go ahead to do so.
Sincerely,
*******
Now what the hell am I supposed to think after reading that? What is his goal? Why would I want to give him the experience or permit him "enterance" to my organisation?
Dear ******,
Kindly permit my enterance to your organisation
for the experience needed to accomplish my
goal.
Looking forward to hearing from you. I do not
have my resume handy right here, but will send it as
soon as you give the go ahead to do so.
Sincerely,
*******
Now what the hell am I supposed to think after reading that? What is his goal? Why would I want to give him the experience or permit him "enterance" to my organisation?
DaveSimmons
Elite Member
Sounds like a message from Lord John Whorfin.
"Not my damn planet monkey-boy." -- John Bigboote
shiner
Lifer
Here are some of my favorite phrases from the resumes I've been getting....
To obtain a position designing applications for data manipulation utilizing databases combining with web
technology where vision innovation and problems solving skills will help improve the company?s information
system while utilizing proactive ideas to encourage more proficient use of new data.
That's one hell of a sentence.....too bad I have no idea what it means....
Led a team of 20 multi-functional employees in daily efficiency exercises
Does that mean they could chew gum and walk at the same time?
Requested by group leader, of Personal Computer Applications, to transfer to assist him in developing structure and stability to his organization.
Ummm....Maybe I took it the wrong way but I'm not sure I would put that on a resume.
ENGINEERING TECH at ****** INCORPORATED 12/00 to 10/01
Assisted in testing security software system.
Installed modem, and reconfigured monitor drives.
Does that first part mean he's a hacker? As for the second part....wow...he installed a modem all by himself. Anyone know what a "monitor drives" is?
Quantitative photometric assays using partition/gel-filtration/ion-exchange chromatography;
kinetics of enzymatic and nonenzymatic catalysis of a reaction; enzyme assay in purification of
glutamate-oxalacetate transaminase from pig heart using ammonium sulfate
fractionation/desalting by dialysis/chromatography on carboxymethyl cellulose; glucose-1-
phosphate enzymatic formation from starch using Fiske-Subbarrow method; heat of combustion
using bomb calorimeter; emulsification of fat by bile salts; acid-base titration on bile acids;
solubilities of silver halides by EMF measurements; kinetics of Ester hydrolysis catalyzed by
imidazole; diffusion coefficient using optical theory
That's impressive....not sure how it's useful for someone seeking a server engineering job. Unless of course she's going to make our servers from scratch.
The best I've seen so far was from someone who was a "Unics Administrator" wish I hadn't deleted that resume.....had me laughing for a solid 30 minutes.
To obtain a position designing applications for data manipulation utilizing databases combining with web
technology where vision innovation and problems solving skills will help improve the company?s information
system while utilizing proactive ideas to encourage more proficient use of new data.
That's one hell of a sentence.....too bad I have no idea what it means....
Led a team of 20 multi-functional employees in daily efficiency exercises
Does that mean they could chew gum and walk at the same time?
Requested by group leader, of Personal Computer Applications, to transfer to assist him in developing structure and stability to his organization.
Ummm....Maybe I took it the wrong way but I'm not sure I would put that on a resume.
ENGINEERING TECH at ****** INCORPORATED 12/00 to 10/01
Assisted in testing security software system.
Installed modem, and reconfigured monitor drives.
Does that first part mean he's a hacker? As for the second part....wow...he installed a modem all by himself. Anyone know what a "monitor drives" is?
Quantitative photometric assays using partition/gel-filtration/ion-exchange chromatography;
kinetics of enzymatic and nonenzymatic catalysis of a reaction; enzyme assay in purification of
glutamate-oxalacetate transaminase from pig heart using ammonium sulfate
fractionation/desalting by dialysis/chromatography on carboxymethyl cellulose; glucose-1-
phosphate enzymatic formation from starch using Fiske-Subbarrow method; heat of combustion
using bomb calorimeter; emulsification of fat by bile salts; acid-base titration on bile acids;
solubilities of silver halides by EMF measurements; kinetics of Ester hydrolysis catalyzed by
imidazole; diffusion coefficient using optical theory
That's impressive....not sure how it's useful for someone seeking a server engineering job. Unless of course she's going to make our servers from scratch.
The best I've seen so far was from someone who was a "Unics Administrator" wish I hadn't deleted that resume.....had me laughing for a solid 30 minutes.
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