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NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

M

Murpheeee

Diamond Member
If you are bored.......

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the
reason why the human race has not achieved, and
never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe
with all of its glories, decides to deliver a
message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His
messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a
way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a
solution and is willing to take command. Very
often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you
a clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal about
your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all
organized protests is to annoy people who are
not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very
important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try
something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built
the Titanic.
 
haha...you're too wise, murphee. i agree with almost all of them. I'd offer some lessons myself, but unfortunately, I'm a slow learner.
 


<< 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
 >>



Unfortunately, that is very, very true. Everybody should drive like me, because I'm the best driver in the world. Why don't they? They think THEY'RE the best driver in the world. But guess what "Chuckie," YOU'RE NOT!! :|😉
 
Re: #2. Meetings have become their own life force and are able to call themselves. It's the only explanation.
 


<< 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
 >>



How long did it take you to learn that??? 😀




<< Never be afraid to try
something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark. A large group of professionals built
the Titanic. >>



I was wondering when the quote in my sig was gonna show up somewhere in the forums 😀
 
I would like to disagree with number 13 on the list and tell you that I know why we have day light savings time. I am a history major so believe me when I say that I know what I am talking about. Day light savings time came about during World War II so people could save on coal to heat their house. Everything was in short supply during this time in our history and some one figured that if people were asleep longer during the colder parts of the day it would save on coal. Thank you
 


<< I would like to disagree with number 13 on the list and tell you that I know why we have day light savings time. I am a history major so believe me when I say that I know what I am talking about. Day light savings time came about during World War II so people could save on coal to heat their house. Everything was in short supply during this time in our history and some one figured that if people were asleep longer during the colder parts of the day it would save on coal. Thank you >>



Yeah, that's all well and good during WW2, but why do we still observe it??

amish
 


<< 14. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.
 >>



VERY important guys. I made that mistake once......once.
 


<< 3 Words: California Energy Crisis
😀:|:Q >>


zoit? That thing is over with... and it wasn't much a crisis, now was it...
Murpheeee nice find BTW...
 


<<

<< 14. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.
 >>



VERY important guys. I made that mistake once......once. >>


So did my friend :Q 😀
 


<< 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. >>



Lol. I'll have to remember that should I ever need those.
 
Just pointing this out...but it appears some people here didn't notice the list was written by Dave Barry, and just reproduced here 🙂
 


<< I would like to disagree with number 13 on the list and tell you that I know why we have day light savings time. I am a history major so believe me when I say that I know what I am talking about. Day light savings time came about during World War II so people could save on coal to heat their house. Everything was in short supply during this time in our history and some one figured that if people were asleep longer during the colder parts of the day it would save on coal. Thank you >>



How the hell did you major history when that is not entirely accurate. You're right about saving energy (coal) but DST was based on BST (British Summer Time) based on a the idea was first advocated seriously by a London builder, William Willett (1865-1915), implemented in 1909 and adopted into law by 1916, well before the world wars. 🙂




<<

Yeah, that's all well and good during WW2, but why do we still observe it??

amish >>



Because it still saves energy



<<

Daylight Saving time saves energy

One of the biggest reasons we change our clocks to Daylight Saving Time (DST) is that it saves energy. Energy use and the demand for electricity for lighting our homes is directly connected to when we go to bed and when we get up. Bedtime for most of us is late evening through the year. When we go to bed, we turn off the lights and TV.

In the average home, 25 percent of all the electricity we use is for lighting and small appliances, such as TVs, VCRs and stereos. A good percentage of energy consumed by lighting and appliances occurs in the evening when families are home. By moving the clock ahead one hour, we can cut the amount of electricity we consume each day.

Studies done by the U.S. Department of Transportation show that we trim the entire country's electricity usage by about one percent EACH DAY with Daylight Saving Time.

Daylight Saving Time "makes" the sun "set" one hour later and therefore reduces the period between sunset and bedtime by one hour. This means that less electricity would be used for lighting and appliances late in the day.

We also use less electricity because we are home fewer hours during the "longer" days of spring and summer. Most people plan outdoor activities in the extra daylight hours. When we are not at home, we don't turn on the appliances and lights. A poll done by the U.S. Department of Transportation indicated that Americans liked Daylight Saving Time because "there is more light in the evenings / can do more in the evenings."

Daylight Saving Time also saves a small amount of energy in the morning when we rise. Studies show that 70 percent of all Americans rise prior to 7 a.m. during the work week. During the summer months, sunrise is very early in the morning, so most people will wake after the sun rises. Because the sun is up, we will turn on fewer lights in our homes. Thus, we actually use less energy in the morning.

So, we save energy in both the evening and the morning because we use less electricity for lighting and appliances.

In the winter, the afternoon Daylight Saving Time advantage is offset by the morning's need for more lighting. In spring and fall, the advantage is less than one hour. So, Daylight Saving Time saves energy for lighting in all seasons of the year except for the four darkest months of winter (November, December, January and February) when the afternoon advantage is offset by the need for lighting because of late sunrise.

 >>

 


<< 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very
important. Pay attention. It never fails.) >>



In a list full of things with a joking tone, this is very true. Those people are the gossips that annoy me so much that are only nice to your face.

CK
 


<< So leave it on DST all year around.

amish >>



It doesn't work like that. The whole reason for DST is to save energy during the winter months when there is less sunlight.
 


<< I remember reading this a while ago, but it is still funny and relevant. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 >>



I got this emailed to me this morning. I thought it was more amusing than the usual "jokes" people mail me....thought I'd share it.......still expected to get flamed though 😉 Glad you all enjoyed it.
 
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