Next step in leaving the house?

[zzuupp]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
...

There are no cliffs. lol.
1 more post 'till lifer.

Why do I think that is the cliffs?

 

[Babbles]

Wow, that is pretty much a fucked up family. While normally I would chant the "It's their roof, it's their rules" mantra, but from what you described it does sound like they are being unreasonable. It's one thing to get treated like an adult while also living within certain boundaries under their rules, but they are not treating you like an adult - seems like they are treating you like a little kid.

Seems like it would be best to just play the game until you are able to move out on your own.

 

[IEC]

If your family is truly as dysfunctional as described, I don't blame your older sister for wanting OUT. Your parents tried to *bribe* you to turn against your younger sister? WTF.

Now, I know you are 1 post away from a McBaine and I wish this was shens, but somehow I doubt it... too crazy to be made up

 

[Hacp]

So you've been on today but haven't posted. I think this is one huge elaborate lifer scheme. Nice try, but you've been found out.

 

[Mo0o]

This is the most feeble attempt at moving out ever

 

[BrownTown]

Well, my parents were pretty much like that I guess, actually it seems like you had it better since I never had an allowance, or allowed to drive the car (wouldn't let me have a driers licensee until i was 20), and never let me spend a night at a friends house (although after a few years you just end up not having any friends anyways). My parents DID call the police on me before when me and my brother were gone for 3 hours without telling them (at age 15 I think). I'm not going to try to put a "moral" sort of view on this, but I think financially its best in your life to just take it up the ass from your parents until you can get out of college and don't need them anymore. I can't see how dropping out of college, or running away could help you out.

Escalating the situation will likely only make your life worse, and legally and financially your parents have all the cards here. Your only real "power" comes from the fact that your parents are supposed to love you and not want to make you miserable. But apparently that power is weakened in your case since they don't seem to care what makes you happy anyways.

 

[Bignate603]

If they won't help you pay for school you probably won't be eligible for aid because the FAFSA still considers your parent's income. There is one easy way around this though. Find a girl in a similar situation, go down to the local courthouse and get hitched. The student aid money will start flowing like crazy.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

damn necro

 

[JEDI]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
Continuation of this

I just finished my winter quarter, and told my parents I would be going to the movies, which they didn't want me to because coming home at 10:00 PM is too late. So I called them back, and told them I'm spending the night at a friends... The next day:

- Voicemail threatening a missing persons report and stolen vehicle report
- Parents told me they'll disconnect me from phone, take me off car insurance, and not pay my spring quarter tuition (which they originally agreed to pay)
- They want the car back
- Mom decided to take the incentive to change the password to our home security system.

They can't file for a missing persons report because... I'm not missing. They can't file for a stolen vehicle report until after they take me off the insurance.
So now, I can't go back to college (just got accepted into the EE department), cell phone less, and now staying at friends' houses. I have no loans yet, and my financial aid needs to be changed but doesn't start until the 2009-2010 school year. They also called me and said "Good luck, I love you." So I guess all this for wanting some freedom over break huh?...

SO... where are the best places to get jobs? Any other tips?

Updated: Page 4

wow.. controlling parents actually letting you go?!

revel in the idea! celebrate! make it on your own.

and most importantly:
DO NOT TALK TO YOUR PARENTS EVER AGAIN!

move w/o telling them. leave them a voicemail saying your ok so that they dont call the cops and file missing persons.

do not invite them to the wedding. hell, do not even tell them you're getting married.

ditto for when you have kids.

NO CONTACT!!!

 

[liluqt]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: randay
aporogize

fixed.


srsly though your parents are fail. not all asian parents are loco like that. usually only to their daughters.

No way, jose! There were times when I thought I was going to lose it at home, but it's not nearly as bad as the OP. When I was in college, my parents picked me up from the dorm every weekend for 2 years and made sure I was home/back at dorm by a certain time or blow up my cell until I came home/threaten to come get me. Till this day, I am still not allowed to sleepover anywhere because I'm an unmarried girl and apparently it's shameful , but I have a ton more freedom now that I'm working in the real world, have more experience than they did as they're immigrants from China/Hong Kong, and they look to me for some guidance and help now that they're older. And now that I'm older, I'm more appreciative of them plus I'm living rent free until I save up enough to move out and buy my own place! It's really not a bad deal. I'm sure once I'm married, they'll try to make me live in the basement or something, but it ain't happening :disgust:

Want my parents to give yours a call?

 

[L1FE]

Is it just me or does ATOT have an abnormally high percentage of Asian members with seriously fucked up parents? I'll admit that my parents were a bit psycho at times, but really nothing to compare with evident's or FBB's experiences. The vast majority of my Asian friends had similarly no-so-crazy upbringings. Looking back, a lot of us take a certain amount of pride in the punishments we had to "endure" as children - but only as children. Sure, my mom gives me the occasional guilt-trip about not visiting her often enough, but that sort of maneuvering isn't anything unique to the Asian culture. Sometimes I wonder if some of these stories are more hyperbole and pent-up teen angst, but I also can't dismiss that I've known a couple friends with bat shit crazy Asian parents either...

 

[geno]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
Continuation of this
Updated: Page 4

I don't have a page 4.

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
Updated: Page 4

Posts per page setting is adjustable. When you were editing the OP to tell us you posted an update, you could have copy/pasted the update into the OP.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Ricemarine
This is really odd, cause I did not realize I had gotten a whole page full of comments today :laugh:...

Basically how it turned out:
- They bluffed taking me off the car insurance, but took my car away (expected and reasonable)
- To counter that, I have to take a different bus route to get to school which the best time occurs at 7:40 in the morning, reasonable.
- They weren't bluffing about changing the security code to the house.
- They were bluffing about changing the locks

- I am now taking out a "loan" with them until I can apply for a Stafford loan
- I'm applying like hell for a job to move out.
- No more free $$ (spoiled there..), so whatever I buy is coming from my bank account.
- My older sister did come home, moved out the first day I left, and isn't coming back (can't stay with her, she won't allow it).

Before I came home, I set up a meeting with my father to negotiate outside the home, but he went back on his word and never showed up. Instead he took that time to sleep. At the same time, all my friends had told me that the best option was to go back. Basically... a lot of people heard what I was saying and went with the shocked face, we're here for you. etc etc. I learned the hard way, there will always be limitations to friendships, and some things you got to keep to yourself. I spent the whole week trying to figure out how to approach the situation, and so I didn't really have fun over spring break. I did turn down a lot of events to just have time to think, because that was more important to me than ever.

What did happen was that my older sister did come home to grab her passport, but it's "missing [as in my mother might have it]." So therefore my mom didn't like how I was backing up my older sister and actually being rational about it. But, I got my older sister out of the house without any problems since she was machine-gunning "I want my passport" which got her nowhere.

They tried to make me to sign a "contract," that my dad would keep, and attempted to trick me into signing it. I'm not really sure as to the credibility of a contract like that, because it basically enforcing the same rules that I had originally left from. While that was occurring, my mom tried to see who I called, and took the car key from me while I was talking with my dad. No trust from her. She also tried taking anything that she considered valuable, until I figured out and talked to her about it. In the end she gave it back.

My little sister on the other hand I tried to help out for I thought she wanted change. Turns out there is no change there. I stood up for her a few times, and she came back siding with my parents to coerce me into doing things against my will. I'm disappointed with it, so in the end I'm the only one that will take a stand.

Because I backed up my little sister, my mom tried to persuade me to giving me $40 bimonthly as an allowance if I stopped helping my little sister. Originally my dad was saying he was willing to give me $40 bimonthly because he wanted things to return to normal. Since I needed to save money too, I thought... why not. Hugged my mom cause it was part of the deal and said thanks. Yeah, no. There it goes. So, I stood up for it, there goes the $40, but to hell with it, I don't need it.

My father is willing to allow me to drive the car again for going to internships. But... to hell with that. If I have to learn about being independent it's now. The car will be my last resort if there is no bus that will go to where I need to go. I haven't driven in the past 4 weeks. It kind of feels like me being in high school again, but if they're willing to give rides, that's a privilege that I wouldn't mind having for a while.

The new thing that is going on to say is that for now, it seems I can go out a bit more? I'm not sure, since my main excuse was to work with my lab group on my EE lab. I'll have to see about that later. I asked my friends to drive me home to pick up my tennis gear, and my father said okay, but then talked to the friends to assure that I'd be home at a certain time (6-9, and 3-7). Reasonable, yet it feels like I'm being babysitted. I'll probably have to get used to it. I did tell them in advance what I was doing and they agreed with it. But, it still feels as if there is a leash that they're trying to tighten again, so I'll have to be sure to tell them "NO."

But, less drama, more studying, routine but with sun. Haven't asked for anything that I didn't need, which was basically the textbook that I would have to pay them back for. I'm glad my girlfriend was willing to help me out through the tough times though . I'm also glad for my friend willing to be rational and talk about it with me. Although in the end I guess I can say... I just took a break?...... yeah...


There are no cliffs. lol.
1 more post 'till lifer.

Dude, your parents are fucking nazis. You're an adult for fuck sake and they're treating you like a child.

I moved out of my Mom's house when I was 18. My Mom was nothing but encouraging, even when I moved across the country to California a few years later (I'm originally from upstate NY). I'm still very close to my Mom, just not geographically.

 

[sandorski]

Bong+Guitar+Motorcycle Road Trip. In the middle of the ET interview, tell your Parents to FO. That situation is ridiculous.

 

[alyarb]

Originally posted by: JEDI

wow.. controlling parents actually letting you go?!

revel in the idea! celebrate! make it on your own.

and most importantly:
DO NOT TALK TO YOUR PARENTS EVER AGAIN!

move w/o telling them. leave them a voicemail saying your ok so that they dont call the cops and file missing persons.

do not invite them to the wedding. hell, do not even tell them you're getting married.

ditto for when you have kids.

NO CONTACT!!!

this is crazy but i like it.

 

[randomlinh]

wtf.... wow

 

[RbSX]

Originally posted by: evident

Originally posted by: rasczak
It's just time for you to break away from your parents. If they're the "typical" asian parents, and guilt trip you about everything in your life from how you dress, to what you choose to do in college, then you don't need that bullshit in your life. leave and never look back. Go to the Counselor's office, and explain the situation, maybe they can help you pick up a student loan from somewhere.

BTW, where do you go to school?

doing this would be spitting in his parents face for everything they've done for him the last 18 years of his life. they need to communicate better and both need to get a grip on the culture clash that's going on here.

the guilt trip unfortunately is part of being raised in an asian family. itll only make you stronger in the future!

Asian people don't communicate, they threaten and in exchange for subservience they provide their children with things.

 

[ivan2]

OP jw, are u a girl?

 

[Codewiz]

Originally posted by: Bignate603
If they won't help you pay for school you probably won't be eligible for aid because the FAFSA still considers your parent's income. There is one easy way around this though. Find a girl in a similar situation, go down to the local courthouse and get hitched. The student aid money will start flowing like crazy.

No they don't if you aren't claimed on their taxes. If he claims himself, his parents can't claim him and their income will not be counted when computing FAFSA benefits.

 

[waffleironhead]

Originally posted by: Codewiz

Originally posted by: Bignate603
If they won't help you pay for school you probably won't be eligible for aid because the FAFSA still considers your parent's income. There is one easy way around this though. Find a girl in a similar situation, go down to the local courthouse and get hitched. The student aid money will start flowing like crazy.

No they don't if you aren't claimed on their taxes. If he claims himself, his parents can't claim him and their income will not be counted when computing FAFSA benefits.

Wrong

"Being considered an independent student is not merely a matter of being responsible for your own educational expenses. You must meet at least one of the following seven criteria to be declared an independent student for the purposes of the FAFSA:

1. Be 24 years of age or older by December 31 of the award year;
2. Be an orphan (both parents deceased), ward of the court, or was a ward of the court until the age of 18;
3. Be a veteran of the Armed Forces of the United States;
4. Be a graduate or professional student;
5. Be a married individual;
6. Have legal dependents other than a spouse;
7. Be a student for whom a financial aid administrator makes a documented determination of independence by reason of other unusual circumstances."

So unless he can get the Fin adi dept to change his status hes out of luck.

 

[Brainonska511]

You can always join one of the armed services to get out of the house and save some money for college and later have tuition assistance. Or you could do ROTC to pull in money now and get tuition assistance.

 

[Hacp]

So this guy has got to be playing us. This stuff didn't happen or else he wouldn't have stopped at 9999. I call for a ban or reset of his post count just to frustrate him.