- Jul 18, 2000
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Arafat Looks to Recruit Major-League Pitchers for
Rock-Throwing Brigade
NEW YORK, NY-- Palestinian President Yasser Arafat visited the office of
Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig today in an effort to recruit
big league pitchers to join the cause of the Palestinian people. Arafat has
long marvelled at the throwing speed and accuracy of baseball's finest;
sources close to the Palestinian leader have heard him apoplectically utter,
"If my people could throw stones like that, I'm sure we could easily drive
the Israeli army out of Palestine."
Rumor has it that Arafat is looking to set up an ad hoc pitching camp in
Lebanon where pitchers from Major League Baseball would train young
Palestinians the art of throwing. "We're a nation of soccer players,"
explained one official close to the President. "You can see on the evening
news that we can't throw stones worth beans. It's pathetic. It's no wonder
that our stone-throwing can't defeat the best-equipped army in the region.
But with a little coaching--oy vey! Won't the Israelis be surprised."
The strategy has won the support of the Arab League of Nations, who have
long suspected that rock throwers with "serious heat" would provide a
tactical advantage against Israel's hodge-podge force of tanks and missiles
and armored infantry. A spokesman for the Israeli Army voiced concern over
the matter, stating that, "If the Palestinians learn to accurately throw
curves, knucklers, and even some off-speed pitches, they might make a game
of it."
Always open to the possibility of expansion franchises in foreign markets,
Selig is said to be seriously considering the idea, though a spokesman for
the commissioner warned that no agreement would be reached without the
consent of United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan. Annan, in keeping
with his attempts to "umpire" the mideast conflict, has turned a blind eye
on this matter.
Rock-Throwing Brigade
NEW YORK, NY-- Palestinian President Yasser Arafat visited the office of
Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig today in an effort to recruit
big league pitchers to join the cause of the Palestinian people. Arafat has
long marvelled at the throwing speed and accuracy of baseball's finest;
sources close to the Palestinian leader have heard him apoplectically utter,
"If my people could throw stones like that, I'm sure we could easily drive
the Israeli army out of Palestine."
Rumor has it that Arafat is looking to set up an ad hoc pitching camp in
Lebanon where pitchers from Major League Baseball would train young
Palestinians the art of throwing. "We're a nation of soccer players,"
explained one official close to the President. "You can see on the evening
news that we can't throw stones worth beans. It's pathetic. It's no wonder
that our stone-throwing can't defeat the best-equipped army in the region.
But with a little coaching--oy vey! Won't the Israelis be surprised."
The strategy has won the support of the Arab League of Nations, who have
long suspected that rock throwers with "serious heat" would provide a
tactical advantage against Israel's hodge-podge force of tanks and missiles
and armored infantry. A spokesman for the Israeli Army voiced concern over
the matter, stating that, "If the Palestinians learn to accurately throw
curves, knucklers, and even some off-speed pitches, they might make a game
of it."
Always open to the possibility of expansion franchises in foreign markets,
Selig is said to be seriously considering the idea, though a spokesman for
the commissioner warned that no agreement would be reached without the
consent of United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan. Annan, in keeping
with his attempts to "umpire" the mideast conflict, has turned a blind eye
on this matter.
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