"A couple of years ago, I was sitting at home watching TV with no intentions of going anywhere, when a commercial for Birthday Cake ice cream came on. I immediately decided that I needed some. Right that minute. So I got into my car and some terrible music came on, and it was the best day of my life. Hopelessly distracted by the song and my love of ice cream, I threw my car into reverse and gassed it, slamming right into my neighbor’s new car—in front of her whole family, standing a few feet away admiring the new car. They called the police, and when they came, he said because we were neighbors and there were no hard feelings, he wasn’t going to give me a ticket. Relieved, I decided to continue on my quest for ice cream. I threw my car into reverse again, and slammed right into the parked cop car. I looked in my rear view mirror, and saw him shaking his head with this disgusted frown. He got out and told me I shouldn’t be allowed to drive. I thought he was going to write me a ticket, but he just got in his car and drove off. After all that, the store was out of the ice cream.
-Ashley"