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Nerdiest jokes you have ever made?

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Originally posted by: tkotitan2
I never found them very funny, but people around me in engineering school found these hilarious.

1) Get a life. Pound include life dot h.

2) (I was drunk and about to continue to drink shots) Querying stomach.................stomach returns NULL so it's ok to drink now.
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You have no soul. Those are great.
 
Back in High School a while ago, we were playing Football, and some of the Science Team were there. And so, we were playing on the High School field. When, we said we got 10 yards for the first down, one of their members goes "Maybe Pi Yards....", and their entire team proceeded to laugh like crazy.

Looking back, it was sorta funny....and it was probably the nerdiest thing I've ever heard.





KeyserSoze
 
My girlfriend (a physics major) told me this one. For those of you who aren't physics majors or haven't dated someone who was, Shrodinger proposed the quantum mechanics theory that it is impossible to know both a particle's position and velocity at the same time:

One day Shrodinger was pulled over by a police officer on the highway. The officer came up to his window and asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Shrodinger said "No, but I know exactly where I was."
 
to be or not to be = 0xFF

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
- because Oct 31 = Dec 25

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
- it's undefined. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.
 
My Chemistry Honors teacher had a bunch of lame, old-man science jokes.

I only remember when he said, "Nitrate, it's cheaper than the day rate." Only when I mentioned I thought he was referencing the price of sucky sucky did the people around me find the joke funny. 🙂

There was another that was like:

A proton was walking down the street, happy as a clam and a neutron came up and asked him if he had any electrodes he could borrow. The proton said, no. And the neutron asked if he was sure. To which the proton replied, "Yep, I'm positive."

Something like that, I never really did pay attention in that class.
 
Originally posted by: TheLonelyPhoenix
My girlfriend (a physics major) told me this one. For those of you who aren't physics majors or haven't dated someone who was, Shrodinger proposed the quantum mechanics theory that it is impossible to know both a particle's position and velocity at the same time:

One day Shrodinger was pulled over by a police officer on the highway. The officer came up to his window and asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Shrodinger said "No, but I know exactly where I was."
Click to expand...

I think you meant Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle.
 
We were at a high school event once, in a joke contest, and my ex bf (EpsiIon on these boards) stood up and said:

He's so negative, he attracts protons.
 
Originally posted by: HotChic
We were at a high school event once, in a joke contest, and my ex bf (EpsiIon on these boards) stood up and said:

He's so negative, he attracts protons.
Click to expand...

What event/what geographical location was this? I think I heard that one, at a high school event.
 
Originally posted by: Darien
Originally posted by: TheLonelyPhoenix
My girlfriend (a physics major) told me this one. For those of you who aren't physics majors or haven't dated someone who was, Shrodinger proposed the quantum mechanics theory that it is impossible to know both a particle's position and velocity at the same time:

One day Shrodinger was pulled over by a police officer on the highway. The officer came up to his window and asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Shrodinger said "No, but I know exactly where I was."
Click to expand...

I think you meant Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle.
Click to expand...

No
 
Originally posted by: Darien
Originally posted by: TheLonelyPhoenix
My girlfriend (a physics major) told me this one. For those of you who aren't physics majors or haven't dated someone who was, Shrodinger proposed the quantum mechanics theory that it is impossible to know both a particle's position and velocity at the same time:

One day Shrodinger was pulled over by a police officer on the highway. The officer came up to his window and asked him "Do you know how fast you were going?" Shrodinger said "No, but I know exactly where I was."
Click to expand...

I think you meant Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle.
Click to expand...

yeah, a joke about Schroedinger would probably involve PETA breaking down the door in search of the cat...
 
And, of course, why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the...uhh... same side?
(credit due to kyteland)
 
Originally posted by: DrPizza
And, of course, why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the...uhh... same side?
(credit due to kyteland)
Click to expand...

I actually enjoyed that one. I will likely make it a new away message.
 
One day, a Mushroom decides to go to a bar and pick up some chicks.
He sees this hot piece of brocolli and decides to go talk to her.

Mushroom(trying to be manly): "Heey baby, how YOU doin'?"
Brocolli: . . .. (rolls eyes)
Mushroom: You must be tired, 'cause you've been running through my mind!
Brocolli: Ugh, excuse me.
Mushroom: Okok, I'm sorry but hey, let's name your legs words, and let's spread the word!
Brocolli: Listen buster, don't make me call security!
Mushroom: What? But I'm a fun-gi!

*rimshot*
 
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