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Need opinions on this poem

M

Magnum357

Member
Do you find it stupid/lame/good/bad or whatever. I have never written poetry before, but I did today in school about my friend who died on sunday. Please give your honest opinion

A million words to say to you
With no time left to speak
Thoughts never meant to be dreamt of
Now make us feel so weak
There is no fairness in it all
How you were torn away
Yet through injustice your spirit remains
To guide us along our way
 
A million words to say to you
With no time left to speak
Thoughts never meant to come to mind
Now make us feel so weak

There is no fairness in it all
How you were torn away
Yet through injustice your spirit remains
To guide us along our way

[revised edition]

please give me input
 
i like all of it except the last 2 lines, they dont fit in my opinion. (specifically i dont like the word injustice)
 
Originally posted by: Magnum357
A million words to say to you
With no time left to speak
Thoughts never meant to come to mind
Now make us feel so weak

There is no fairness in it all
How you were torn away
Yet through injustice your spirit remains
To guide us along our way

[revised edition]

please give me input
Click to expand...

You left me in pain on that day
and never have i thought it would go away
I wait for the day when once again we are together
sharing our thoughts and concerns
just enjoying everything from each other

I miss you totally
I miss you completely
I feel your spirit guiding me through my sorrow
but now i wish that it were 'morrow
I swam in your eyes and felt safe in your presence
your love and spirit i shared
and felt love's true esence

I long for the day when i shall see you again
I know in my heart you are with me
but always do I hate the day that you left me
In pain, in sorrow, I fight towards tomorrow
guide me now, for it hurts so much
Oh, I pray so hard to be able to feel your touch.

😀

i give you a thumbs up
 
Originally posted by: Michael1897
Originally posted by: Magnum357
A million words to say to you
With no time left to speak
Thoughts never meant to come to mind
Now make us feel so weak

There is no fairness in it all
How you were torn away
Yet through injustice your spirit remains
To guide us along our way

[revised edition]

please give me input
Click to expand...

You left me in pain on that day
and never have i thought it would go away
I wait for the day when once again we are together
sharing our thoughts and concerns
just enjoying everything from each other

I miss you totally
I miss you completely
I feel your spirit guiding me through my sorrow
but now i wish that it were 'morrow
I swam in your eyes and felt safe in your presence
your love and spirit i shared
and felt love's true esence

I long for the day when i shall see you again
I know in my heart you are with me
but always do I hate the day that you left me
In pain, in sorrow, I fight towards tomorrow
guide me now, for it hurts so much
Oh, I pray so hard to be able to feel your touch.

😀

i give you a thumbs up
Click to expand...


Very cool

thnx
 
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