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Need idea for an awesome Valedictorian speech

V

Viper0329

Platinum Member
One of my friends is valedictorian of her graduating class in HS and has to give the speech. She's a very quiet girl and never draws attention to herself or anything. She has to come up with something soon (by tomorrow morning).

It has to be clean (Catholic HS), and we want it to be really funny.

Any ideas?
 
Well some good Catholic Jokes would be funny as hell {no pun intended} and she could pull her speach out of a garter belt under her gown {too risque?} and her finale could be shooting the audience with one or two of these, sure to draw attention!!! lmao Oh Yeah!
 
"It is a great honor to be selected as the Valedictorian for this class. I have worked hard to come to this position, and I could not have achieved it without the help and encouragement of my teachers, my peers, and the faculty of somethingerather highschool. Over my years at somethingerather highschool, I have learned many valuable lessons. The first and foremost of these lessons is that people work in different ways. As the age old addage goes, 'you can't please everybody'. In an effort to for once, either please or displease everyone in the administration, I am going to strip buck naked and run around screaming vulgarities for the remainder of the commencement exercises."

Hey, I might be worth something as a speechwriter.
 
She could do a Nicole and Parris themed speech and talk about how she stuck her hand up a cow's ass or something. That would be hilarious!
 
Dear Cretins

It has been my sincere displeasure getting to know you all these past few years. i hope that bad luck follows you thru all the days of your life. I shall not miss seeing you again after (or before) graduation

may your rot in hell,
(insert your name)
 
I would go with either the Kurt Vonnegut graduation speech (that wasn't written by Vonnegut).

Or perhaps the Chris Rock rendition would be better.

Or, simply she could use the same idea as those speeches and make up her own material/ideas. It has the potential for being very humorous, but also serious/touching at the same time. Something that people won't forget.

Wish her good luck.

R
 
Two words:
"Peace out."
Everyone will love it because it's short, and it says everything you need to know about graduation.
 
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