Need advice

[mnewsham]

Okay, so my girlfriend found a video on her little sisters computer, the video has shall we say, inappropriate content. Her sister is 11, how would you go about dealing with this, bring it up and tell her it is wrong? Don't mention it? Punish her? I am a bit at a loss as to what advice to give. I have never run into anything like this before. Anyone care to offer advice? If this is inappropriate mods feel free to lock this thread, i am only looking for honest answers so please no troll posts.

 

[UberNeuman]

what is the "inappropriate content?"

 

[mnewsham]

what is the "inappropriate content?"

I haven't seen it myself, but from what i understand nudity, sexual banter, cursing, and some "stimulation"

Girlfriend is quite disturbed at the moment so i dont know all the details just trying to keep her calm at the moment.

 

[Arcadio]

Where are the parents?

 

[FoBoT]

where are the parents? that is a parenting thing, the sister isn't the parent(s)

 

[arcenite]

If you say anything at all you better be prepared to be cool as shit about it. Otherwise there's going to be a huge gap left in the relationship.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Show her where the good porn sites are?

Monitoring her computer use doesn't seem to be your or, your gf's responsibility. Tell the parents.

 

[mnewsham]

Where are the parents?

where are the parents? that is a parenting thing, the sister isn't the parent(s)

Father left years ago and the mother gave them both to their uncle, he lives about 200 miles away during the week and is only there on weekends, my girlfriend is the one who takes care of her during the week.

 

[UberNeuman]

Are them kids watching True Blood?

\until you or she can name what the content is, then this is meaningless...

 

[lxskllr]

Just be straight up, and talk to her like an adult. Without yelling or drama, tell her the video isn't appropriate for someone her age. Tell her why it isn't appropriate for someone her age. Acknowledge the material's interesting, but she'll have to wait until she's older(and discovers inprivate browsing :^P) to partake.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

So, the gf is the de facto parent. Your job is to be supportive but, it's the gf's responsibility after all it seems. First move the computer to a public location, install some nanny software and, limit the kids access.

 

[mnewsham]

Well it wasnt she was watching a video, she was the one who created the video... in case that wasnt clear. So she isnt watching porn, that i think my girlfriend would be okay with. (or more so) What is disturbing her is that it is her little sister doing the nude and bad things.

 

[SKORPI0]

Reminds of of this 11 year old last year. :\

Let your GF talk to her and let her know it is unacceptable behavior for her age. Limit their time in the computer and remove the webcam (if any).

 

[FoBoT]

ok, there is a good chance this kid is or has been sexually abused by an adult
you need to get some real help with this, either social services or a private counselor if you have $$$

seriously, this isn't normal, someone has introduced something into this kids life in a bad way

just my opinion, i am not a doctor, but i am not talking out my ass either

 

[lxskllr]

Well it wasnt she was watching a video, she was the one who created the video... in case that wasnt clear. So she isnt watching porn, that i think my girlfriend would be okay with. (or more so) What is disturbing her is that it is her little sister doing the nude and bad things.

Oh... Then you need to talk to her about data security, and the consequences of lax security. You can refer her to the thread here :^D

 

[quakefiend420]

This thread is going to go downhill quickly....

 

[mnewsham]

ok, there is a good chance this kid is or has been sexually abused by an adult
you need to get some real help with this, either social services or a private counselor if you have $$$

seriously, this isn't normal, someone has introduced something into this kids life in a bad way

just my opinion, i am not a doctor, but i am not talking out my ass either

Uncle is a social worker and specializes in abuse cases, i dont think this is it, but i will of course make sure it isnt this!

 

[Cyco]

ok, there is a good chance this kid is or has been sexually abused by an adult
you need to get some real help with this, either social services or a private counselor if you have $$$

seriously, this isn't normal, someone has introduced something into this kids life in a bad way

just my opinion, i am not a doctor, but i am not talking out my ass either

Probably this, but I seriously hope not.

BTW, that video could be considered child pornography. I'd tread lightly and do some damage assessment.

 

[mnewsham]

Probably this, but I seriously hope not.

BTW, that video could be considered child pornography. I'd tread lightly and do some damage assessment.

Yeah, she already deleted it and i had no intentions of watching it even if i could have. She is going to bring it up with her and ask her why she is doing these things and try to keep it civil.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

People respond to incentives and act-out in ways they are encouraged to. I would be careful about sexual abuse in her past that she'll try to cover up: I doubt we can blame an 11 year old for what must be an environmental factor.

But if not there still needs to be heavy psychological intervention. This is serious bad mo-jo.

 

[mjrpes3]

Is it a good thing for a 11 year old to have a personal computer with unrestricted access to the internet that they can use in private at any time?

 

[AreaCode707]

There are very few times when it is ok to bring in the big guns and scare the crap out of a kid. This is one of them.

****THIS DOES NOT APPLY IF SHE MAY HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED****

Do everything you can to find out why she made this video, check into every possibility that she was abused. If you can be completely confident that she was not abused and this was just a dumb kid thing, SERIOUSLY talk to her about the penalties for an underage kid making a video like this. Talk about arrests, talk about jail, talk about being on the sexual offenders list. She isn't too young to understand, but definitely explain to her WHY these things are in place, that there are bad people out there in the world.

Remove her unsupervised computer access. Limit her time even supervised. Find a class being given by local police about this type of thing and attend it with her (and make SURE she knows not to say anything about her activities at the class; do not put her at legal risk.) Find out which friends she's been with that have made her think this was ok and cut her off from them.

It sounds totally harsh but it's her life riding on the line; if she gets caught with something like this, she could ruin her future.

 

[mnewsham]

There are very few times when it is ok to bring in the big guns and scare the crap out of a kid. This is one of them.

****THIS DOES NOT APPLY IF SHE MAY HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED****

Do everything you can to find out why she made this video, check into every possibility that she was abused. If you can be completely confident that she was not abused and this was just a dumb kid thing, SERIOUSLY talk to her about the penalties for an underage kid making a video like this. Talk about arrests, talk about jail, talk about being on the sexual offenders list. She isn't too young to understand, but definitely explain to her WHY these things are in place, that there are bad people out there in the world.

Remove her unsupervised computer access. Limit her time even supervised. Find a class being given by local police about this type of thing and attend it with her (and make SURE she knows not to say anything about her activities at the class; do not put her at legal risk.) Find out which friends she's been with that have made her think this was ok and cut her off from them.

It sounds totally harsh but it's her life riding on the line; if she gets caught with something like this, she could ruin her future.

Said most of this to the girlfriend already and she seems to agree, the laptop has been taken away for the time being and internet privileges revoked as well as cell phone. Girlfriend is going to sit down and have a talk with her tomorrow and try and explain why she cant be doing this sort of thing, etc.

 

[crashtestdummy]

I disagree with the immediate hard line. You'll scare her into never talking about these things, and she'll just think "you don't understand" her.

Almost all of us explore our sexuality at a young age, the difference is that we didn't have such easy access to web cams. You need to make clear to her that learning about her own sexuality is fine, but that people do bad things with videos like that, even people she thinks are friends or potential lovers.

 

[Wyndru]

Where are the parents?

This

where are the parents? that is a parenting thing, the sister isn't the parent(s)

This

No reason for you to be involved at all. The sister should just bring it to the attention of the parents. Sounds like some technology freedom tightening is in order.