Need advice: my life is a mess.. *UPDATE 03/08*

[skace]

Compromise. Do you like yourself being a bit of an asshole? Realize that if you have to change your actual personality to succeed then you will have to maintain that same attitude to continue succeeding. So you have to think whether you enjoy being the way you currently are.

So find a way to be the personality that you enjoy being and also to be able to get work done. And then sculpt your life around it. You may not end up back with your gf and that will have to be something you will live with.

It comes down to priorities. You place your job above your own personality and above your gf.

 

[robh23]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.

My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).

A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...

I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...

juu sould like a luser so get a job at the local cable place as a cameraman.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: robh23

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.

My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).

A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...

I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...

juu sould like a luser so get a job at the local cable place as a cameraman.

WTF is a "luser?" And did you know that tv- cameramen can get 6 figure salaries?

 

[Ness]

Originally posted by: robh23

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.

My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).

A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...

I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...

juu sould like a luser so get a job at the local cable place as a cameraman.

No, a loser would be someone that spells like they just flunked the first grade and trash talks like the kid in junior high that is trying to set the record for most times being expelled from school. Looks like you've got the loser category pretty much wrapped up.



Anyway, Freedom, If you still love your now-ex, then I think your best course of action is to tell her you are trying to fix yourself up. You may want to make the decision to ask her for her help, or to tell her that you want to take some time and work on that before you waste any more of her time. It depends on how much you love her and where you think your relationship is going.

The first step to tackling any problem is recognizing the problem. Unfortunately, contrary to what most people believe this is the easiest of the steps. Any moron can say they have a problem, and any moron can make half an effort to do something about it. If you're serious here, then you need to act the part and fix the problem. I would suggest finding someone to help you overcome these problems. As horrid as it sounds, maybe some sort of support group could help. It sounds a little extreme, but it's likely to work.

Just as with weight loss, changing one aspect of your life usually means changing your ENTIRE life.

My overral suggestion to you is to find someone to help, and to take an hour out of each day. No matter how busy you are, how much someone wants that time from you, whatever. Take that time and be alone, but no matter what, don't spend it sitting on a computer. Leave your house, take a walk (especially with the beautiful summer weather coming!), go to the library and read, go do a few things you've needed to get done, whatever. Just get out of the house and away form it all.

Good luck, PM me if you ever need help or someone to talk to

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: KGB
Don't be ashamed man. Most people who are posting online (here also) have no reason whatsoever to judge you or what you do. I see you're online during the late night hours (which I can understand if you're busy all day dealing with people and life) Other's just try to keep themselves busy with computers and distractions to not deal with what's really going around their life.

Instead of turning a blind eye, you're taking action, changing some roles, doing something different, yet never out of the ordinary. People change, just as your ex didn't understand this "new" you doesn't mean YOU'RE doing something wrong. She liked you for what you were before, and no one can be expected to act a certain way forever. Mark this moment man, people make revolutionary changes. Once school is finished, people don't have time to waste with jargon or hang outs. People look for familiarity and worthwhile things to make up for time. I think you're feeling sorry for hurting other people, instead they should be sorry for not changing along with you and commenting on your needs also.

Man, this post really made me feel better.. Thanks Though I would like to win my girl back.. I can't call her my ex.. Yet. Six years is a very long time and we were already making long term plans (marriage, kids, etc.).. I don't want to make her seem like a cliche- she DID stand by me when I talked about making movies "follow your dreams" is what she said.. But now that I'm actually doing it I think the focus kinda scares her.. She has a right to be scared- I've been very intense lately.. But, I don't know.. I've never wanted to be the guy that lets his career come before love... It's just a difficult situation for me..

Perhaps what she's objecting to is your rude behavior and your letting your physical condition slide.Being ambitious about taking a new career direction needn't mean that you must become a pushy,rude overweight individual.

 

[robh23]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.

My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).

A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...

I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...

you sound way too dumb and naive to work in film, you are a babe in the wood when it comes to commercial production.

even local cable you probably couldnt do, and i very much doubt point and shoot cameramen get anything like that much, they certainly dont in the uk. maybe in holywood and big ads they get 100k plus but some on some sausage meat production - no way!

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: robh23

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.

My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).

A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...

I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...

you sound way too dumb and naive to work in film, you are a babe in the wood when it comes to commercial production.

even local cable you probably couldnt do, and i very much doubt point and shoot cameramen get anything like that much, they certainly dont in the uk. maybe in holywood and big ads they get 100k plus but some on some sausage meat production.

What exactly is your problem with me? Just go away...

 

[slackerinabox]

double post

 

[robh23]

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Originally posted by: robh23

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.

My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).

A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...

I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...

you sound way too dumb and naive to work in film, you are a babe in the wood when it comes to commercial production.

even local cable you probably couldnt do, and i very much doubt point and shoot cameramen get anything like that much, they certainly dont in the uk. maybe in holywood and big ads they get 100k plus but some on some sausage meat production.

What exactly is your problem with me? Just go away...

smell the coffee! you are clueless. go to hollywood and work on a production and inch closer to the action, or go to directors school if there is such a thing. otherwise the best you will do is some chump work on local cable, and as a cameraman/ director it will be hard to move to a better environment.

 

[cerebusPu]

youre making a student film. theres no need to be edgy, pushy, arrogant, and obnoxious. it only makes you unpleasant to work with. it doesnt make you a better director. she left you because of your personality change, not the career change.

for gods sake....its not like you suddenly became peter jackson.

 

[rufruf44]

He's just giving you a taste of real life. Some ppl would take advantage of you and will pounce on you even more if they knew you're in a vulnerable state. Others are simple jerks who enjoy seeing others suffers or feel miserable about themselves.

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: cerebusPu
youre making a student film. theres no need to be edgy, pushy, arrogant, and obnoxious. it only makes you unpleasant to work with. it doesnt make you a better director. she left you because of your personality change, not the career change.

for gods sake....its not like you suddenly became peter jackson.

Well, this project is seperate from school and the goal of it is to make a feature in a year... it's hard organize these shoots but, you're right, i should keep things in perspective... The problem is that actors and other creative types are insanely unreliable and flakey.. Dealing with all of these people's driving me nuts..

 

[slackerinabox]

I just wanted to thank you guys for caring and for some sound advice.... I'm dealing with the break up and working on fixing my self up a bit.. I'm back on a diet, working on my school work, and am hiring 2 assistants to help me on this film project... It was too much work for one person anyways. I'm meeting with my ex-gf this friday to have some coffee but she asked me not to try to get back together - she needs some time to think... I've already been asked out so my self esteem is repaired a bit.. But I won't be going out with another young lady until my ex makes up her mind (I don't want to give her a deadline but two weeks seems fair)..

I'd still like to hear what you guys have to say, but thanks for all the people who actually care about this sap's life..

 

[slackerinabox]

**UPDATE: 3/5/04**

So I went to my ex's place today to help her clean up... We had a bit of a talk and I'm pretty sure that we can get back together.. In fact, I feel like i'm being played a little.. It was awkward because she wouldn't let me hug her yet she ended up laying on me while we were talking.. I think she just wants me to feel bad ... I do feel bad and I do have to change, but I'm going to continue to look for other girls.. At least for the time being.. I'm going to invite Andreea out for a movie, but only as a friend.. I really enjoy talking to her and, while I doubt something will happen between us (she's too good for me) we do talk for like 4 hours a day and I would like to at least be closer friends.. We'll see what happens either way.. Thank you guys for being there for me
-sam

 

[ucdbiendog]

btw, i noticed in your edit that you said that andrea chick is too good for you. dont think like that man. youll never get anywhere. keep your head up

 

[slackerinabox]

Originally posted by: ucdbiendog
btw, i noticed in your edit that you said that andrea chick is too good for you. dont think like that man. youll never get anywhere. keep your head up

hah.. yeah, I said (at first) that she looks like a model.. but it's not what she looks like -that's why I edited my post.. she's gorgeous but she's insanely smart and, well.. too good for me .. i appreciate your reply though - i'm not letting my lack of confidence keep me back.

 

[slackerinabox]

**UPDATE: 3/8/04**
My life is slightly less of a mess lately... Last week was miserable and I think this week will be better. I spent some time with a new friend of mine who's quickly becoming a close friend.. We saw a movie together and then went to a bar to chat... I don't think that we'll be hooking up but just spending time with someone helps... She's been wonderful and supportive and is making this a whole lot easier for me. My ex, on the other hand, gets in fights with me every day.. I love her but I stopped calling her because it was just getting too stressful.. I think she needs to either see a therapist or smoke something strong - obviously she's taking out her exterior stresses on me.. Since I'm not her bf I'd rather just ignore her until she calms down.. I'm still a bit depressed though and my school work has suffered due to this who drama - I'm a solid week behind on all of my reading and the stress is building up.. Any advice? I've tried the "just do it" attitude but it's not working..
Thanks guys for your continued support and take care of yourselves..
-Sam