This may sound like a YAGT but it's not really about a girl.... My ambitious lust for film has been well documented on these boards.. I've recently dedicated myself 110% to this film project that's taking up a lot of my time. I'm finishing up college and felt like I have nothing to show for myself so I got off my ass and threw myself into my film work. People around me are noticing my ambition but it's also had it's negative side. I've changed from the laid back, stoner kinda guy that I was to an edgy, driven, jerk. I'm pushy, kinda bossy, sometimes arrogant... I'm doing this because I know that the nice guy always finishes last and, since I don't have a back up, I have to succeed. But all of this stress culminated in my gf leaving me this sunday during, ironically my first shoot. I've been with her for 6 years but my rudeness (not just to her, I was on edge because my actor canceled on me) and the fact that I don't have a clear cut future caused us to split.. So the day became note worthy for two reasons -one great and one terrible.
My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).
A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...
I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...
**UPDATE: 3/5/04**
So I went to my ex's place today to help her clean up... We had a bit of a talk and I'm pretty sure that we can get back together.. In fact, I feel like i'm being played a little.. It was awkward because she wouldn't let me hug her yet she ended up laying on me while we were talking.. I think she just wants me to feel bad ... I do feel bad and I do have to change, but I'm going to continue to look for other girls.. At least for the time being.. I'm going to invite a friend of mine out for a movie, but only as a friend.. I really enjoy talking to her and, while I doubt something will happen between us (she's too good for me) we do talk for like 4 hours a day and I would like to at least be closer friends.. We'll see what happens either way.. Thank you guys for being there for me
**UPDATE: 3/8/04**
My life is slightly less of a mess lately... Last week was miserable and I think this week will be better. I spent some time with a new friend of mine who's quickly becoming a close friend.. We saw a movie together and then went to a bar to chat... I don't think that we'll be hooking up but just spending time with someone helps... She's been wonderful and supportive and is making this a whole lot easier for me. My ex, on the other hand, gets in fights with me every day.. I love her but I stopped calling her because it was just getting too stressful.. I think she needs to either see a therapist or smoke something strong - obviously she's taking out her exterior stresses on me.. Since I'm not her bf I'd rather just ignore her until she calms down.. I'm still a bit depressed though and my school work has suffered due to this who drama - I'm a solid week behind on all of my reading and the stress is building up.. Any advice? I've tried the "just do it" attitude but it's not working..
Thanks guys for your continued support and take care of yourselves..
-Sam
My gf said that she'd maybe be willing to take me back if I changed.. If I took care of myself (lost weight), calmed down, and was more careful with my future then she'd consider working things out.. This takes a lot of time so I don't know what to do... I also know that my drive is what's helping me make connections - this comes in direct conflict with her. It's hard to explain, but I know that she'd rather me have a safe computer job than be this ambitious.. It makes sense but it's hard for me to make that choice (even though I do love her).
A very odd part of this story involves this girl I met through the oddest of circumstances. I met her physically (we spoke online for quite a while) for the first time recently and she's really a great girl... We met due to very strange circumstances so I've been cautious about approaching her, but I think I may be falling for her.. She invited me out for dinner next week but I'm not sure how to deal with this.. Well, I'm just very confused and depressed...
I know this is a long rant... Sorry for wasting your time...
**UPDATE: 3/5/04**
So I went to my ex's place today to help her clean up... We had a bit of a talk and I'm pretty sure that we can get back together.. In fact, I feel like i'm being played a little.. It was awkward because she wouldn't let me hug her yet she ended up laying on me while we were talking.. I think she just wants me to feel bad ... I do feel bad and I do have to change, but I'm going to continue to look for other girls.. At least for the time being.. I'm going to invite a friend of mine out for a movie, but only as a friend.. I really enjoy talking to her and, while I doubt something will happen between us (she's too good for me) we do talk for like 4 hours a day and I would like to at least be closer friends.. We'll see what happens either way.. Thank you guys for being there for me
**UPDATE: 3/8/04**
My life is slightly less of a mess lately... Last week was miserable and I think this week will be better. I spent some time with a new friend of mine who's quickly becoming a close friend.. We saw a movie together and then went to a bar to chat... I don't think that we'll be hooking up but just spending time with someone helps... She's been wonderful and supportive and is making this a whole lot easier for me. My ex, on the other hand, gets in fights with me every day.. I love her but I stopped calling her because it was just getting too stressful.. I think she needs to either see a therapist or smoke something strong - obviously she's taking out her exterior stresses on me.. Since I'm not her bf I'd rather just ignore her until she calms down.. I'm still a bit depressed though and my school work has suffered due to this who drama - I'm a solid week behind on all of my reading and the stress is building up.. Any advice? I've tried the "just do it" attitude but it's not working..
Thanks guys for your continued support and take care of yourselves..
-Sam
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