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Need Advice-Here's the update

Z

Zysoclaplem

Diamond Member
Okay, I have been dating a guy now for a little over a month, but I have know him for a long time. He comes from a poor single mother family, and does not yet have a car or even a license, or a job. He cannot actually get a job because when he was a baby, he was brought here illegally. But I have known him forever and we really like each other.
I don't make tons of money, and every time I want to see him, I have to make an hour and a half drive there, and an hour and a half drive back to my city, because there is nothing to do in the little town he is in except go to walmart. Then I have to drive him back again, and drive back again. So basically I am on the road for 6 hours every time he spends the weekend. Not only that, I have to pay for everything we eat and do.
It's a difficult situation, as I am already in debt, going to school full time, and working full time.
It's getting hard for me to handle because I cannot afford it anymore.
But there won't be any chance of it changing within the next 2 years.

I know alot of people here have been in LDRs. Any advice?

UPDATE: He broke up with me. After all I did and all I spent, time wise and money wise.
 
Originally posted by: aidanjm
What happens to people like that? Are they never able to get a job, ever? Are they ever able to become a citizen?
Click to expand...

He is trying to get his citizenship. But it may not be possible.
It's not his fault though. He cannot work. But he is in college and earning his degree in Bilingual Education. He speaks perfect english. You would never have any idea.
 
BS. I see hundreds of illegals every week. They have jobs. They have a driver's license. They have plenty of money.

Your boyfriend is being a mooch.
 
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Do you love him?
Click to expand...

I think so. We both care very deeply about each other.
I told him I would get a second job to pay for the times he came down and I had to get him.
But he said no, he would break up with me first. Because that would be two jobs, and full time school.
 
I don't think love is enough in this situation. If it's taxing on your life, and in the long run can cause more problems for you...then I think the answer is obvious.
 
Originally posted by: Nik
BS. I see hundreds of illegals every week. They have jobs. They have a driver's license. They have plenty of money.

Your boyfriend is being a mooch.
Click to expand...

My bf is not mexican-mexican. He is a college student. He is amazing in art. He draws portraits and paints. He also has a little sister (3 years old) he has to care for because his mother is single and cannot afford daycare while she is at work.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Do you love him?
Click to expand...

I think so. We both care very deeply about each other.
I told him I would get a second job to pay for the times he came down and I had to get him.
But he said no, he would break up with me first. Because that would be two jobs, and full time school.
Click to expand...

Then you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about whether or not the financial stress and hardship on both of you will be worth it.

Do you think he would really break up with you if you got a second job? Would he break up with you because he doesn't want you working harder, or because it would take time away from him seeing you?

It's admirable what you're willing to put yourself through in the name of love, but seriously consider the long-term effects and make sure you communicate all your thoughts, concerns, and of course caring with your partner.

Good luck.
 
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Do you love him?
Click to expand...

I think so. We both care very deeply about each other.
I told him I would get a second job to pay for the times he came down and I had to get him.
But he said no, he would break up with me first. Because that would be two jobs, and full time school.
Click to expand...

Then you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about whether or not the financial stress and hardship on both of you will be worth it.

Do you think he would really break up with you if you got a second job? Would he break up with you because he doesn't want you working harder, or because it would take time away from him seeing you?

It's admirable what you're willing to put yourself through in the name of love, but seriously consider the long-term effects and make sure you communicate all your thoughts, concerns, and of course caring with your partner.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Because of both. He doesn't want me to put myself through that. He said we have little enough time together as it is. He would never see me if I had to work two jobs.
He understands that it is hard for me, and said he would be upset if we broke up, but not mad. He said he is in no position right now to tell me what I should do though.
 
get out.

people here stand on the side of the street and trucks come pick them up for jobs and drop them back off

they make a good $100 a day at least.

there is no excuse for him not to be working.
 
Originally posted by: Aimster
get out.

people here stand on the side of the street and trucks come pick them up for jobs and drop them back off

they make a good $100 a day at least.

there is no excuse for him not to be working.
Click to expand...

Yes there is. He has to take care of his sister while his mother works. It's not his fault, but his mother is paying for his college in cash. She is not illegal, but she brought him over when he was an infant.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Do you love him?
Click to expand...

I think so. We both care very deeply about each other.
I told him I would get a second job to pay for the times he came down and I had to get him.
But he said no, he would break up with me first. Because that would be two jobs, and full time school.
Click to expand...

Then you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about whether or not the financial stress and hardship on both of you will be worth it.

Do you think he would really break up with you if you got a second job? Would he break up with you because he doesn't want you working harder, or because it would take time away from him seeing you?

It's admirable what you're willing to put yourself through in the name of love, but seriously consider the long-term effects and make sure you communicate all your thoughts, concerns, and of course caring with your partner.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Because of both. He doesn't want me to put myself through that. He said we have little enough time together as it is. He would never see me if I had to work two jobs.
He understands that it is hard for me, and said he would be upset if we broke up, but not mad. He said he is in no position right now to tell me what I should do though.
Click to expand...

Why does it have to be an all or nothing situation? What if you only visited him every second weekend instead of every weekend? (or whatever the frequencies are)
 
Nik is right, illegals work all the time. If he doesn't get citizenship does he plan to go through his entire life without a job?

I am seeing a definite pattern here with you. You constantly end up with guys who live far away and YOU have to do all the travelling and YOU pay for everything.

You really need to change the things you are looking for in someone.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: Nik
BS. I see hundreds of illegals every week. They have jobs. They have a driver's license. They have plenty of money.

Your boyfriend is being a mooch.
Click to expand...

My bf is not mexican-mexican. He is a college student. He is amazing in art. He draws portraits and paints. He also has a little sister (3 years old) he has to care for because his mother is single and cannot afford daycare while she is at work.
Click to expand...

How is it that his mother can work but he can not?
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Do you love him?
Click to expand...

I think so. We both care very deeply about each other.
I told him I would get a second job to pay for the times he came down and I had to get him.
But he said no, he would break up with me first. Because that would be two jobs, and full time school.
Click to expand...

Then you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about whether or not the financial stress and hardship on both of you will be worth it.

Do you think he would really break up with you if you got a second job? Would he break up with you because he doesn't want you working harder, or because it would take time away from him seeing you?

It's admirable what you're willing to put yourself through in the name of love, but seriously consider the long-term effects and make sure you communicate all your thoughts, concerns, and of course caring with your partner.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Because of both. He doesn't want me to put myself through that. He said we have little enough time together as it is. He would never see me if I had to work two jobs.
He understands that it is hard for me, and said he would be upset if we broke up, but not mad. He said he is in no position right now to tell me what I should do though.
Click to expand...

Ironically, that is very selfish and considerate of him at the same time. Selfish because he'd rather have more time with you than have you work (and ease your current financial burderns), considerate because he doesn't want you to have to go through that - even if it would be for him.

It sounds like he would be understanding if you were to break up with him. However, you obviously care very much for him and will have to make the final decision on your own. Sit down, weigh the pro's and con's of the relationship (short and long-term), talk to him about it, and then decide. Once again, good luck.
 
Originally posted by: Chryso
Nik is right, illegals work all the time. If he doesn't get citizenship does he plan to go through his entire life without a job?

I am seeing a definite pattern here with you. You constantly end up with guys who live far away and YOU have to do all the travelling and YOU pay for everything.

You really need to change the things you are looking for in someone.
Click to expand...

This is the first one that has lived far away and I have to do the traveling. The other one had a car and a job. He was just lazy.
 
No one is telling you to stay with the guy but you'll disregard their advice because of your need to be in love with someone. This will end very badly. Your lucky numbers are 12-5-23-17-9-22.
 
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Do you love him?
Click to expand...

I think so. We both care very deeply about each other.
I told him I would get a second job to pay for the times he came down and I had to get him.
But he said no, he would break up with me first. Because that would be two jobs, and full time school.
Click to expand...

Then you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about whether or not the financial stress and hardship on both of you will be worth it.

Do you think he would really break up with you if you got a second job? Would he break up with you because he doesn't want you working harder, or because it would take time away from him seeing you?

It's admirable what you're willing to put yourself through in the name of love, but seriously consider the long-term effects and make sure you communicate all your thoughts, concerns, and of course caring with your partner.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Because of both. He doesn't want me to put myself through that. He said we have little enough time together as it is. He would never see me if I had to work two jobs.
He understands that it is hard for me, and said he would be upset if we broke up, but not mad. He said he is in no position right now to tell me what I should do though.
Click to expand...

Ironically, that is very selfish and considerate of him at the same time. Selfish because he'd rather have more time with you than have you work (and ease your current financial burderns), considerate because he doesn't want you to have to go through that - even if it would be for him.

It sounds like he would be understanding if you were to break up with him. However, you obviously care very much for him and will have to make the final decision on your own. Sit down, weigh the pro's and con's of the relationship (short and long-term), talk to him about it, and then decide. Once again, good luck.
Click to expand...

Okay. Thanks for the advice. I don't want anyone to cry or be sad.
 
I hate to be a downer, but it sounds like he is taking advantage of you. He might claim to love you, but what is he really doing to benefit the relationship. There is no excuse for not trying to do something.

Perhaps you guys should put everything on hold until you get your degrees and he grows up a little. If you still care for eachother then, go for it! You don't necessarily have to kick him out of your life completely, but downgrade him to a friend for a while.

And, being illegal does not preclude getting a driver's license or a job. thumbs down for your man.

 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Okay. Thanks for the advice. I don't want anyone to cry or be sad.
Click to expand...

I am sad but if you got another job and sent me the money then I would be happy.
 
Originally posted by: lytalbayre
I hate to be a downer, but it sounds like he is taking advantage of you. He might claim to love you, but what is he really doing to benefit the relationship. There is no excuse for not trying to do something.

Perhaps you guys should put everything on hold until you get your degrees and he grows up a little. If you still care for eachother then, go for it! You don't necessarily have to kick him out of your life completely, but downgrade him to a friend for a while.

And, being illegal does not preclude getting a driver's license or a job. thumbs down for your man.
Click to expand...

Umm, how could he get a drivers license when he is illegal? Besides, he is a full time college student. And he cannot get a job because of his responsibilites. He has to take care of his sister while his mother works. He will not abandon his mother.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: lytalbayre
I hate to be a downer, but it sounds like he is taking advantage of you. He might claim to love you, but what is he really doing to benefit the relationship. There is no excuse for not trying to do something.

Perhaps you guys should put everything on hold until you get your degrees and he grows up a little. If you still care for eachother then, go for it! You don't necessarily have to kick him out of your life completely, but downgrade him to a friend for a while.

And, being illegal does not preclude getting a driver's license or a job. thumbs down for your man.
Click to expand...

Umm, how could he get a drivers license when he is illegal? Besides, he is a full time college student. And he cannot get a job because of his responsibilites. He has to take care of his sister while his mother works. He will not abandon his mother.
Click to expand...

How can he be a college-student and be an illegal?
 
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