Need advice concerning a nice girl I know.

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: Eghck
just text her, "Happy valentines, Im doing good, hope everything is going well for you". If she wants to talk she'll text or call you back.

That is the plan already. I am just not going to give her the gratification of an instant response, I am going to use her own techniques on her, she used to take 2 days to answer my calls before, so 2 days for her to get the text message back is pretty fair IMO.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator

Originally posted by: Eghck
just text her, "Happy valentines, Im doing good, hope everything is going well for you". If she wants to talk she'll text or call you back.

That is the plan already. I am just not going to give her the gratification of an instant response, I am going to use her own techniques on her, she used to take 2 days to answer my calls before, so 2 days for her to get the text message back is pretty fair IMO.

If youre not going to text her back today to try to establish contact with her again, don't text her at all. What exactly do you hope to accomplish by texting her two days from now? She KNOWS you have a thing for her. It is not a coincidence that she texted you today.

She knows you are insane over her...any girl is smart enough to know that texting you that today is going to elicit some kind of response. If she didnt want to hear from you, *SHE WOULDNT HAVE TEXTED YOU TODAY*.

The one thing that is KNOWN, that is NOT an assumption is that she WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. Even after all the stuff you said to her...she still wants to.

The ball is in your court. You can take that ball, and do something good with it. She opened the door for you again, and while the chain is still on the door, its open that little crack. You now have the opportunity, however slight, to get her back into your life, for better or for worse.

Or you could take that ball and smash it; you hate the ball, because the ball hates you. (supposedly)

Now if youre still going to act like a baby, and treat this as some sort of battle you must fight, then you are officially validating and justifying her decision to reject you. Acting like that would make her absolutely right to reject you, because you are not emotionally ready to be an adult.

You need to grow up. Seriously. I mean that in the nicest, most non-facetious way possible. You can use this opportunity to act as an adult, or you can stay in 2nd grade perpetually.

Even if you are right that she is maliciously out to destroy you (which is absolutely inconceivable unless we are in your fantasy world), then in that case, two wrongs still do not make a right.

Be a man. Don't be a punk. Prove us all wrong.

 

[AMCRambler]

omfg this thing is back again. Let it die, let it die, let it die. That goes for your chubby for this tease and the damn thread.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: BD2003

Originally posted by: The Linuxator

Originally posted by: Eghck
just text her, "Happy valentines, Im doing good, hope everything is going well for you". If she wants to talk she'll text or call you back.

That is the plan already. I am just not going to give her the gratification of an instant response, I am going to use her own techniques on her, she used to take 2 days to answer my calls before, so 2 days for her to get the text message back is pretty fair IMO.

If youre not going to text her back today to try to establish contact with her again, don't text her at all. What exactly do you hope to accomplish by texting her two days from now? She KNOWS you have a thing for her. It is not a coincidence that she texted you today.

She knows you are insane over her...any girl is smart enough to know that texting you that today is going to elicit some kind of response. If she didnt want to hear from you, *SHE WOULDNT HAVE TEXTED YOU TODAY*.

The one thing that is KNOWN, that is NOT an assumption is that she WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. Even after all the stuff you said to her...she still wants to.

The ball is in your court. You can take that ball, and do something good with it. She opened the door for you again, and while the chain is still on the door, its open that little crack. You now have the opportunity, however slight, to get her back into your life, for better or for worse.

Or you could take that ball and smash it; you hate the ball, because the ball hates you. (supposedly)

Now if youre still going to act like a baby, and treat this as some sort of battle you must fight, then you are officially validating and justifying her decision to reject you. Acting like that would make her absolutely right to reject you, because you are not emotionally ready to be an adult.

You need to grow up. Seriously. I mean that in the nicest, most non-facetious way possible. You can use this opportunity to act as an adult, or you can stay in 2nd grade perpetually.

Even if you are right that she is maliciously out to destroy you (which is absolutely inconceivable unless we are in your fantasy world), then in that case, two wrongs still do not make a right.

Be a man. Don't be a punk. Prove us all wrong.

You know what scares me the most BD, this assumption :

"She knows you are insane over her...any girl is smart enough to know that texting you that today is going to elicit some kind of response. If she didnt want to hear from you, *SHE WOULDNT HAVE TEXTED YOU TODAY*. "

Let me talk straight from the heart here, I swear if she had made this attempt to contact me and feel the atmosphere a while back I don't think I would have had this much hesitation to reach out to her.

But what is driving me NUTS is that she might be doing this out of desperation not real feelings, I can picture it clearly : She woke up today, realized that she is lonely as hell and the rest of her friends are all going out with their BF to have some kick ass time and then she said to herself

"I couldn't find someone that matches my criteria, but well there is this guy that I used to work with he is insane about me(silly dumbsh!t !), I'll hangout with him for a while it's better than nothing , untill I can find something better 😛icks up cell;...etc"

How on Earth do you think I can support such an ASSUMPTION while staying logical? Well it's simple, if you really have feelings towards someone you don't just tell them "I seriously don't think this will work out ok ?" And not contact them for + 2 months, and then realize overnight that you really like them, I have a fear that I might be being used here as a spare tire, but what you guys seem to miss about my statements is that I draft all possible reasons, and when I focus on one it's not the only possible reason, it's the most likely from my own point of view, it doesn't overrule any other possible arguments, if I wasn't a logical person I wouldn't have posted this so that I get input from others, I would contended with whatever idea I have in mind and went for it without giving someone a chance to prove me wrong and perhaps change my mind.

I am willing to admit a mistake without shame when I commit one, I have done many of those in my attempt with her at the beginning, but nothing that I would considre eligible for her to hate me for or something, just clumsy stuff like that extra talk at the coffee shop which had proved today to not really have freaked her out like what many members posted before, as a matter of fact taking all logical reasons into consideration, there is a good possibility that the close talk with her last time at the coffee place could have struck a chord with her and she finally realized that "Hey! This guy liked me more than I thought he did!" and blah blah blah <insert girly stuff in here>!

Thinking about it, 1 day part from Valentine would be a good spot for sending here a message back, I mean since she took the intiative I want to see what she has to say, I don't think I am going back into this again nor I have the intention too I am very hurt at the time being, but I want to know is she trying to make her self feel better / make me feel better / use me for while / felt sorry for me and wants to make up some of the damage by explaining something to me / likes me in reality but was unable to let me know for some reason /.......<insert any logical reason in here>

 

[BD2003]

Then thats how it is. Believe what you will.

I'm not going to try convince you otherwise, but don't take that as validation.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: BD2003
Then thats how it is. Believe what you will.

I'm not going to try convince you otherwise, but don't take that as validation.

You will have to wait and see tomorrow, 1 day is too generous from me , she took forever to call me back before, I don't see how I a will be unfair with her, anyway the only reason why I want to answer is that she took the intitative and sent me an SMS, so I will be as corteous and send her exactly the following :

"Hi there, I am doing very well, hope you had a great Valentines day."

Either she responds or not I really don't care, ATM I have far more important things to bother myself with, including preparing for a meeting with the Dean of my Uni next week + a sht load of projects for Uni.

So really I am going to be reaching out to her in an act of maybe just re-building our communications line back, because it will work better for me if I can sort things now, because as you all know at the end of the spring semester I am going back to work and it will be very awkward if me and her bump into each other over and over without us even discussing the issue even further.

 

[Muadib]

Let me talk straight from the heart here, I swear if she had made this attempt to contact me and feel the atmosphere a while back I don't think I would have had this much hesitation to reach out to her.

That's a load of crap, and you know it. You would of had the same response if she contacted you 2 days later! Even though you were warned of what might happened, you still weren't prepared for her to reject you.

But what is driving me NUTS is that she might be doing this out of desperation not real feelings,

Gee, ya think? Why would she have feelings? She barely know you!!! You didn't give her a chance to! She knows you are insane over her though. Sure it freaked her out, (it took 2 months for her to contact you, HELLO!!!!) but she's got past it. Clearly you haven't, or you would be jumping for joy over the fact that you might have another chance.

It's a big part of my major to make assumptions, nothign shocking really.

What major teaches such negativaty? You have posted nothing positive about the fact she contacted you!!! NOTHING!!!! Then you want to be a little bit##$ about it, and wait days to reply!! WTF!!! Do you have any idea how sad that is?

 

[letdown427]

Reply, see if you can meet her, nail her, plough her, drill her, spear her, penetrate her, whatever, then, tell her "I'll call you". And don't. Unless you feel the need for some horizontal jogging again. Do what you can to use her as a sperm dumpster. It'll either work, or she'll catch on and feel used. Win win.

 

[Gunslinger08]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator

Originally posted by: BD2003
Then thats how it is. Believe what you will.

I'm not going to try convince you otherwise, but don't take that as validation.

You will have to wait and see tomorrow, 1 day is too generous from me , she took forever to call me back before, I don't see how I a will be unfair with her, anyway the only reason why I want to answer is that she took the intitative and sent me an SMS, so I will be as corteous and send her exactly the following :

"Hi there, I am doing very well, hope you had a great Valentines day."

Either she responds or not I really don't care, ATM I have far more important things to bother myself with, including preparing for a meeting with the Dean of my Uni next week + a sht load of projects for Uni.

So really I am going to be reaching out to her in an act of maybe just re-building our communications line back, because it will work better for me if I can sort things now, because as you all know at the end of the spring semester I am going back to work and it will be very awkward if me and her bump into each other over and over without us even discussing the issue even further.

Don't even give her the satisfaction of knowing you still care. DO NOT REPLY. And if she really likes you, she will keep trying to get in contact with you. You can pretend that you never got or saw the message.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: Muadib

Let me talk straight from the heart here, I swear if she had made this attempt to contact me and feel the atmosphere a while back I don't think I would have had this much hesitation to reach out to her.

That's a load of crap, and you know it. You would of had the same response if she contacted you 2 days later! Even though you were warned of what might happened, you still weren't prepared for her to reject you.

But what is driving me NUTS is that she might be doing this out of desperation not real feelings,

Gee, ya think? Why would she have feelings? She barely know you!!! You didn't give her a chance to! She knows you are insane over her though. Sure it freaked her out, (it took 2 months for her to contact you, HELLO!!!!) but she's got past it. Clearly you haven't, or you would be jumping for joy over the fact that you might have another chance.

It's a big part of my major to make assumptions, nothign shocking really.

What major teaches such negativaty? You have posted nothing positive about the fact she contacted you!!! NOTHING!!!! Then you want to be a little bit##$ about it, and wait days to reply!! WTF!!! Do you have any idea how sad that is?

It really is disgustingly pathetic isnt it? Its like unwavering negativity combined with unrealistic naive expectations served over a healthy dose of immaturity.

 

[davestar]

queen of mind games? this is the first thing she has done that could be remotely considered a mind game.

just send her back something nonchelant (sp?) - too eager and you'll scare her off (again); wait too long/don't respond and she'll think you're a puss who's still bitter.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: BD2003
All she wants to do is say hi to someone who thought might want to hear from her. It is V-Day, she is beyond emotional and vulnerable today. Anyone but you could probably take that and make something happen out of it. But youre already defeated. You seriously cant handle this. Youre freaking out over a text message. Nothing has changed. For all that is holy in this world, just forget it ever happened.

Who cares if she's emotional and vulnerable? She's not his girlfriend...or even his friend right?

I agree though. Just ignore the text message. Do it out of spite if you want, but its a waste of time to even start trying to jump through hoops. She gave you the shutdown...time to cut your losses and move on. Fretting over some girl that has already made it clear she doesn't like you is an exercise in futility.

 

[blakeatwork]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator

Originally posted by: morkus64
i'm all for waiting a couple days too. soulds like a solid plan.

also, good to hear you are doing so much better than before!

Thanks man.

Originally posted by: blakeatwork
I am not reading through eight pages of posts, but how old are you?

This sounds like a lot of High School drama, that really means nothing in the end..

Eh 39 ? And no I am pretty much two years away from getting a BS in CSE and another in EE but a good try though 😉

Hehe, I have mine set for 100 posts/page...

No offense meant, but that's pretty much how this came across.. I mean, you should write her a note "Do you like me? Yes, No Maybe?"

😛

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Good grief!!!! Text her back and say whazzup! how hard is that

You are 10x the drama queen she ever thought about being! You accuse her of playing mind games, but she would have to stand in line behind the infinately complex mind games your playing on yourself🙂

 

[Chryso]

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[The Linuxator]

OK getting ready for Uni today and just sent her the message as in OP.

We will see if my assumptions about her are true or false,if she wants to talk I am all for that, if she comes up and tells me she actually likes me I will have to ask her WTF she said she didn't 2 months ago ? Or if she just wants some company I'll tell her that I am very busy from now on, serves her fair.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
OK getting ready for Uni today and just sent her the message as in OP.

We will see if my assumptions about her are true or false,if she wants to talk I am all for that, if she comes up and tells me she actually likes me I will have to ask her WTF she said she didn't 2 months ago ? Or if she just wants some company I'll tell her that I am very busy from now on, serves her fair.

You are not going to find out anything. You are wasting your time. She is not going to come up and tell you she actually likes you, because even after all this time, you just still do not fvcking get it. You still assume that she absolutely MUST be as positively head over heels for you as you are for her, and that is a fantasy that will never come true with just about every girl. You act as if the lack of reciprocation is some sort of flaw when it is absolutely normal, and NOT A MIND GAME.

If I were her, I wouldnt even respond to you. She handed you an olive branch, and you snapped it in half. In all honesty, you are the psycho one playing mind games. I dont even know why I keep posting here, other than the fact that it is unwavering entertainment.

So congratulations on accomplishing absolutely nothing. You truly are your own worst enemy.

 

[Rayden]

Good read. I can relate to everything written. Don't hormones suck?

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: BD2003

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
OK getting ready for Uni today and just sent her the message as in OP.

We will see if my assumptions about her are true or false,if she wants to talk I am all for that, if she comes up and tells me she actually likes me I will have to ask her WTF she said she didn't 2 months ago ? Or if she just wants some company I'll tell her that I am very busy from now on, serves her fair.

You are not going to find out anything. You are wasting your time. She is not going to come up and tell you she actually likes you, because even after all this time, you just still do not fvcking get it. You still assume that she absolutely MUST be as positively head over heels for you as you are for her, and that is a fantasy that will never come true with just about every girl. You act as if the lack of reciprocation is some sort of flaw when it is absolutely normal, and NOT A MIND GAME.

If I were her, I wouldnt even respond to you. She handed you an olive branch, and you snapped it in half. In all honesty, you are the psycho one playing mind games. I dont even know why I keep posting here, other than the fact that it is unwavering entertainment.

So congratulations on accomplishing absolutely nothing. You truly are your own worst enemy.

BD with all respect to you based on your help throughout this whole thread, but I think if you have a gf now I can see why she likes you , if reciprocity means nothing to you, your gf probably likes you because she can step all over you and that still wouldn't mean a thing to you.

Why should this girl be insulted If I replied to her message after 16 hours why should I give her the benefit of doubt when it used to take her 2-3 days to reply to my calls, and I can't receive the benefit of doubt when it takes me something like 16 hours to text her back ?
It's not easy to accept, it's demising to me, and it's not fair nor logical.

 

[BD2003]

BD with all respect to you based on your help throughout this whole thread, but I think if you have a gf now I can see why she likes you , if reciprocity means nothing to you, your gf probably likes you because she can step all over you and that still wouldn't mean a thing to you.

LOL youre lecturing me about reciprocity. Reciprocity would have been returning her sentiment when she sent it to you, not concocting a scheme to get her back. If you knew anything about relationships, youd know that its NOT a war of minds like you are imagining. It requires sacrifice and often swallowing your pride. This doesnt mean you let a girl walk over you, but this doesnt mean that you take every opportunity to fight a mental war. My girl doesnt walk all over me. We walk together, and dont try to trip each other for our own ego's sake.

Why should this girl be insulted If I replied to her message after 16 hours why should I give her the benefit of doubt when it used to take her 2-3 days to reply to my calls, and I can't receive the benefit of doubt when it takes me something like 16 hours to text her back ?
It's not easy to accept, it's demising to me, and it's not fair nor logical.

Because she texted you a v-day sentiment, and its retarded to reply with your own when its not v-day anymore. Having a GF is going to open up a world of things that are not easy to accept, demising, and neither fair nor logical. Get used to it.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: BD2003

BD with all respect to you based on your help throughout this whole thread, but I think if you have a gf now I can see why she likes you , if reciprocity means nothing to you, your gf probably likes you because she can step all over you and that still wouldn't mean a thing to you.

LOL youre lecturing me about reciprocity. Reciprocity would have been returning her sentiment when she sent it to you, not concocting a scheme to get her back. If you knew anything about relationships, youd know that its NOT a war of minds like you are imagining. It requires sacrifice and often swallowing your pride. This doesnt mean you let a girl walk over you, but this doesnt mean that you take every opportunity to fight a mental war. My girl doesnt walk all over me. We walk together, and dont try to trip each other for our own ego's sake.

Why should this girl be insulted If I replied to her message after 16 hours why should I give her the benefit of doubt when it used to take her 2-3 days to reply to my calls, and I can't receive the benefit of doubt when it takes me something like 16 hours to text her back ?
It's not easy to accept, it's demising to me, and it's not fair nor logical.

Because she texted you a v-day sentiment, and its retarded to reply with your own when its not v-day anymore. Having a GF is going to open up a world of things that are not easy to accept, demising, and neither fair nor logical. Get used to it.

Ain't that the truth 🙁

 

[Zaitsevs]

you need to just walk away.

if you have the attitude that you can walk away from any relationship, you will feel beter about it. you also need to tell her that you don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: Zaitsevs
you need to just walk away.

if you have the attitude that you can walk away from any relationship, you will feel beter about it. you also need to tell her that you don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

You see what complicates the situation here is that we work together, and she will be right there at the offce when I go back this summer.

So I really can't finish this up if I wanted to I wouldn't have responded to her message at all, but it will come up again either now or later, we have to keep our friendship at least, when I used to work back there she was the kind of person that lights up the office and I think I might be the only one that really noticed that, as much disgrunted I am at my attempt with her, I want her to still be that person when I go back I don't want things to go downhill professionally between her and me too!

 

[Mo0o]

You are putting in way too much thought into this girl.

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: Zaitsevs
you need to just walk away.

if you have the attitude that you can walk away from any relationship, you will feel beter about it. you also need to tell her that you don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

She wasn't disrespecting him. He is seriously delusional about the whole situation.

If you look at his posts in just the past 24 hours you'll see that he's been vacillating between thinking that the text message (1 sentence, 12 words) is either the start of some nefarious plot to make him miserable or a prelude to her confessing that she has really loved him all along and was wrong for rejecting him.

In any case, you're right. He does need to walk away. Because he's crazy, and if he keeps interacting with this poor girl he stands a good chance of forcing her into another showdown in which she'll inevitably have to reject him again. And if that happens everyone loses.

He loses because he'll have his ego crushed even more than it already is.

She loses because she'll have to put up with his psychosis when she was just trying to be nice.

ATOT loses because we will have to hear every excrutiating detail of the exchange.