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how the heck did a taxi get its fugly name? >>
You asked for it:
"A taxi, on the other hand, is not a kind of carriage. It is an abbreviation of taximeter, which was a device used to indicate, in a hired carriage, the distance traveled and the fare due. Taximeter dates from the late 19th century, and it was borrowed from French taximètre, formed from taxe "tariff" and mètre "meter". It was shortened to taxi in the early 20th century."
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