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Need a joke...

GTaudiophile

GTaudiophile

Lifer
I will be visiting a middle school class of kids tomorrow. That's grades 6-8. I have been told they are in a special STEM program.

The teacher inviting me has a tradition of having his guests tell a joke to the kids at the start of the school day.

Any AGE-APPROPRIATE jokes to suggest?

Thanks.
 
Two flys are on a piece of shit. One fly farts. The other says, "Hey! Do you mind?! I'm eatin' here."

-Drew Carey
 
my ex gf owned a parrokeet, did you hear what just said? She owned a parokeet. God, that fcking thing never shut up...but the bird was cool
 
I remember telling this in my youth

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-animal/1qanmg/three-dumb-hunters

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
 
Why does a bicycle always fall over?

Because it's two tired.

----------------------------------------------------

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
 
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From the time Charlie was a little kid he wanted to drive a street car. He dreamed about it, talked about, had pictures of street cars in his room, read books about them, everything in Charlie's world was street cars. On his 21st birthday, Charlie went down to the public works department and took the driver's exam. He flunked. So Charlie spent the next six months studying night and day to pass the exam. He flunked again. Now Charlie was desperate. If he failed the exam a third time, that was it, he could never be a street car driver. So Charlie studied all the more. He read every manual over and over. He memorized the routes, knew all the rules. Yet on his third try he flunked for good. Charlie was heart broken. He wandered the streets in anguish.

Then, one day Charlie saw a driver hop off the street car to fetch a soda. Charlie thought "Here is my chance". Charlie jumped in the driver's seat and took off. Charlie was in heaven, he was driving a street car! He laughed aloud in absolute joy. He slammed into a crowd of pedestrians, killing fourteen. The police lead him away in cuffs as he screamed that it wasn't his fault.

Charlie was found guilty of fourteen counts of negligent homicide and sentenced to death. On the day of his execution Charlie, still pleading his innocence, was strapped into the electric chair, and the switch was thrown. The power surged yet nothing happened to Charlie. The warden came forth and told Charlie that he was free to go. Under the rules of the state, if an execution failed the prisoner was freed. Charlie broke down in utter despair, sobbing and cursing his fate. The warden, puzzled to say the least, asked Charlie why he was so sad. Charlie replied "I just realized that I really am a bad conductor."
 
IronWing said:
From the time Charlie was a little kid he wanted to drive a street car. He dreamed about it, talked about, had pictures of street cars in his room, read books about them, everything in Charlie's world was street cars. On his 21st birthday, Charlie went down to the public works department and took the driver's exam. He flunked. So Charlie spent the next six months studying night and day to pass the exam. He flunked again. Now Charlie was desperate. If he failed the exam a third time, that was it, he could never be a street car driver. So Charlie studied all the more. He read every manual over and over. He memorized the routes, knew all the rules. Yet on his third try he flunked for good. Charlie was heart broken. He wandered the streets in anguish.

Then, one day Charlie saw a driver hop off the street car to fetch a soda. Charlie thought "Here is my chance". Charlie jumped in the driver's seat and took off. Charlie was in heaven, he was driving a street car! He laughed aloud in absolute joy. He slammed into a crowd of pedestrians, killing fourteen. The police lead him away in cuffs as he screamed that it wasn't his fault.

Charlie was found guilty of fourteen counts of negligent homicide and sentenced to death. On the day of his execution Charlie, still pleading his innocence, was strapped into the electric chair, and the switch was thrown. The power surged yet nothing happened to Charlie. The warden came forth and told Charlie that he was free to go. Under the rules of the state, if an execution failed the prisoner was freed. Charlie broke down in utter despair, sobbing and cursing his fate. The warden, puzzled to say the least, asked Charlie why he was so sad. Charlie replied "I just realized that I really am a bad conductor."
Click to expand...

:awe:
 
Ask any question.
Pause
Call out, Deeez Nuts.
Pause
Say, Got 'em.

It's the current joke/vine for middle school kids.
 
I went on a guided cave tour a few weeks ago, and the guide told this one to the kids:

How do Mexicans cut their pizza?

<Mexican accent>With Little Caesars</Mexican accent>
 
Might need some explaining for kids:

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
 
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