My biggest pet peeve is people who are constantly tardy or late! I am very punctual and when I say I'll be somewhere at a certain time I do everything I can to be on time. If I know I won't be able to make it(which is rare)I will call well beforehand. The problem is I have a relatively new girlfriend who is always running late and is never on time. She's such a sweet girl that I don't want to get mad at her but it really bothers me. How do I go about telling her? This is not a racist remark but it seems different ethnic groups regard time differently. For example, Hispanics and African-Americans I find are usually more relaxed with time while people of Asian descent are more rigid. Thoughts?
My pet peeve...tardiness!
- Thread starter Medellon
- Start date
SaltBoy
Diamond Member
- Aug 13, 2001
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All I know is that when I want people to show up to a meeting at 9:00, I mean show up BY 9:00. NOT 9:05. NOT 9:10. NOT 9:30!
To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, to be late is to be dead. <-- Wise words from my high school band teacher.
To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, to be late is to be dead. <-- Wise words from my high school band teacher.
About the Asians being more rigid. I come from a country (South East Asia) where if the invitation says 7:00pm. Everybody will only show up at 7:30pm or later. The host expects this too.
MartyMcFly3
Lifer
So it wasnt just MY band director??? Did every band director in America go to like a meeting and took that???
Yup, in India, there is "Indian Standard Time". You show up one hour later, and you are on time. But Indians seem to be on time in the US
I heard the Germans are very good with being on time, but I have not had the pleasure of visiting yet.
My Asian friends always joke about being on "Asian Standard Time" which dictates that they MUST be late to all appointments. YMMV.
I was born late and I've been chronically late ever since. It's a good thing I work for a flexible company
BTW are you the one who posted asking if you should marry your new gf? Her chronic tardiness may be one of those showstoppers that you should worry about. It seems like a little thing, but if it bothers you, you know it's just going to get worse as time goes on....
wtf is this asian standard time crap? i hate that...im always on time. always. in fact most of the time i tend to be early just so that no one would have to stand around like an idiot waiting for me. but usually i just end up standing around waiting for my friends because they dont understand the concept of time.
Ryan
Lifer
- Oct 31, 2000
- 27,519
- 2
- 81
Yea, americans are so anal about time. I live in Panama for a good part of my life, and being on time was never important. You were expected to be a little late, etc. Hell, even teh movies started about 10 minutes then they were supposed to. Americans put too much importance on being on time.
The Dutch are spastic about punctuality. But it does serve a purpose, and greatly contributes to success.
Personally I get very tired of waiting for the roommate if we've got something to go too. 30 - 45 min late every time.
Personally I get very tired of waiting for the roommate if we've got something to go too. 30 - 45 min late every time.
Malaysia. But since everyone expects this. People just schedule everything about 30mins earlier now.
I'm just like you bro. I hate being late because it shows a lack of respect for everyone else involved. I encourage you to get your new relationship with this girl off to a great start with open communication. You NEED to tell her that this really ticks you off, but do so in a really loving way. Don't bottle it up and say nothing...that's the worst thing you could do. Calling people out regarding their faults is a really hard thing to do and must be handled delicately. Explain to her why you really value being on time and why it is a character trait that you really value. Don't point a finger at her, rather, explain to her this characteristic in your life. Let her know that when she is late to something you have planned, you feel disrespected, ect. She'll hopefully understand. She has probably never had anyone tell her this about herself, and she probably doesn't know that it really eats at you. If she is willing to change, don't expect it overnight.
I totally agree that each person's concept of punctuality is largely based on your culture or nationality. Many cultures have a slower pace of life where exact punctuality is not required or expected.
However, in more advanced nations, business and economy demand that people be on time. Things happen fast in business and daily life here in the US. This is why most businesspeople expect punctuality. I think that this necessity to be exactly on time has trickled down into the average American's belief system. Many Americans find themselves constantly wishing for more time in the day because of the frantic pace and many responsibilities of US life. This leads to much frustration on their part if someone doesn't meet them exactly on time, since they feel their precious time is being wasted. That being said, exact punctuality is usually associated with the more successful cultures.....if only because that's what successful business demands.
My guess is that your parents were very punctual and brought you up that way. Because of this, try not to hate your girlfriend for not being on time all the time. (I'm not saying that you can't talk to her about it and let her know how you feel.) This is how she was brought up, and you shouldn't expect that to change too much. It is part of who she is and will most likely never go away unless she herself wants to and makes a great effort to change. As stated by Jzero, you need to search within yourself and see if this is something you can live with forever. You may love her, but if this drives you to the point of insanity each time it happens.....you have some serious thinking to do. If you decide that you can live with it, stop getting mad or resenting her about it.....it was your choice. If she feels that you get angry at her every time she's late, resentment can build up on her part.
However, in more advanced nations, business and economy demand that people be on time. Things happen fast in business and daily life here in the US. This is why most businesspeople expect punctuality. I think that this necessity to be exactly on time has trickled down into the average American's belief system. Many Americans find themselves constantly wishing for more time in the day because of the frantic pace and many responsibilities of US life. This leads to much frustration on their part if someone doesn't meet them exactly on time, since they feel their precious time is being wasted. That being said, exact punctuality is usually associated with the more successful cultures.....if only because that's what successful business demands.
My guess is that your parents were very punctual and brought you up that way. Because of this, try not to hate your girlfriend for not being on time all the time. (I'm not saying that you can't talk to her about it and let her know how you feel.) This is how she was brought up, and you shouldn't expect that to change too much. It is part of who she is and will most likely never go away unless she herself wants to and makes a great effort to change. As stated by Jzero, you need to search within yourself and see if this is something you can live with forever. You may love her, but if this drives you to the point of insanity each time it happens.....you have some serious thinking to do. If you decide that you can live with it, stop getting mad or resenting her about it.....it was your choice. If she feels that you get angry at her every time she's late, resentment can build up on her part.
it definately pays to leave even 5 mins before the time you originally thought you needed to leave
Another solution is to tell her a time that is 30 minutes - 1 hour before the expected time you would have normally set. I did this to some friends who were perpetually late, and it worked.
In my parents' defense I will state that I was NOT brought up this way. My parents have battled my entire life against my habitual tardiness, but to no avail. My mom is punctual to a fault and is never late for anything, and my father is equally punctual.
I agree with this, though. You can't expect her to change.
Originally posted by: spartan
Malaysia. But since everyone expects this. People just schedule everything about 30mins earlier now.
hehe, I'm from Malaysia too and I totally noticed this.
my dad is never ever ever late..he will alwys be there 30 minutes or more before he has to...his day starts at 5:30 every morning since as long as i can remember, he gets up this early even on weekends and holidays!...goes to the 6 am mass and basically drove me and my siblings crazy when we were kids....
if he tells me he will be at my house at 8 to pick me up he will be here at 7:30 on the dot...
and he is mexican btw.
if he tells me he will be at my house at 8 to pick me up he will be here at 7:30 on the dot...
and he is mexican btw.
I am psychotically punctual. It makes me really nervous if I'm not 15 minutes early for an appointment, because what if I cant find the room, or I get lost, or I have to take an emergency crap or something else disastrous? I think it always pays to be early.
My high school newspaper advisor (VERY cool, btw) told me once that he was meeting some students for dinner (who happened both to be African-American). One of them got there early and the other one was late. While they were waiting, the early student commented that the other kid was running on C.P.T. (Colored People's Time). When he told me that story, I thought it was hilarious - apparently C.P.T. dictates a 15 minute buffer of lateness.
My high school newspaper advisor (VERY cool, btw) told me once that he was meeting some students for dinner (who happened both to be African-American). One of them got there early and the other one was late. While they were waiting, the early student commented that the other kid was running on C.P.T. (Colored People's Time). When he told me that story, I thought it was hilarious - apparently C.P.T. dictates a 15 minute buffer of lateness.
dullard
Elite Member
- May 21, 2001
- 26,066
- 4,712
- 126
My friend from Malaysia is consistantly 1 hour late. It is very annoying. Especially when it causes you to miss your airplane...
I just wanted to point out one of my worst jokes from when I was young. Anytime the teacher was late, I'd point it out to the people near me that the teacher is tardy. Then the next day if the same teacher was late, I have to annouce that the teacher was 'retardy'. Ok lame joke, but I've gotten more laughs out of that one than any other joke.
I just wanted to point out one of my worst jokes from when I was young. Anytime the teacher was late, I'd point it out to the people near me that the teacher is tardy. Then the next day if the same teacher was late, I have to annouce that the teacher was 'retardy'. Ok lame joke, but I've gotten more laughs out of that one than any other joke.
Schadenfreude
Lifer
- Dec 28, 2001
- 11,391
- 3
- 0
On all the things that matter, I try to get there ASAP - usually I'm at least 15 minutes early before the session begins - but if it's in class, unless there's a test, I'm usually 5 minutes late, and during the days that we have tests, it's not a guarentee that I'll be there in time either . . ..
Listen carefully....
Your new girlfriend is NOT going to change. Ever.
You have two choices: Either accept this trait of hers, or move on.
Your new girlfriend is NOT going to change. Ever.
You have two choices: Either accept this trait of hers, or move on.
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