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My parents are driving me insane...

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Originally posted by: melly
Originally posted by: bugle25
Are luis's grades TOP SECRET?
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LOL.

My mom used to ask me questions about my friends' grades also. It was her way of finding out if I was keeping good company. Drove me nuts.
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I agree. It sounds like your mother has a control issue. This is typical of mothers who are used to looking out for their sons on a daily basis, but can't now that they are away at college. Since you have been the good son, from what you have posted about your jobs and caring about your youngest sister; in her mind the problem with your grades can't be you so she is fishing for a way to solve your problem.

The indirect question is a tactic used to create a wedge between you and Luis with out you knowing it. She probably planned on subtly widening that wedge all winter break and is hostile because her plan backfired! Is there something about Luis that she does not approve of? Clothes, race, religion, etc? Sounds like what she asked could have been phrased in a threatening manner, but your reaction is in the past and dwelling on it can't change what you said.
Originally posted by: Tab
It seems to me that being silent before going to church isn't going to work or me hiding in my room. Since, she wasn't leaving anytime soon and kept nagging about my "beliefs"
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This also sounds like a mom desperate to maintain control. Religious mothers tend to think that if everything else is going to hell, being right with God will solve the problems. At 19 years old you are probably questioning the beliefs and dogma that you followed growing up. This is either bound to send your mother running for the liquor cabinet or into heavy praying for you to get saved. Your sisters competing for approval and possibly control of the family dinner does not help either.

If I were you, I would thank your mother for her concern over your grades, but emphasize that the slump is your responsibility and not the direct result of the friends you keep or your religious beliefs. Reassure her that you will work hard to get your grades up the same way she raised you to work hard. Also while you appreciate her trying to help, learning to stand on your own is part of becoming a man. That if you need her help you won't hesitate to ask (even if you have your fingers crossed when you say it).

Finally, apologize to you mother for getting defensive when she asked about Luis's grades, but your own grades have you on edge. You will soon learn that every argument with a woman you love needs to end with an apology on your part for them to fully get over it. Even if you are 100% right!

Good luck.


 
Originally posted by: Tab
Originally posted by: Vic
Welcome to the first part of adulthood, Tab. That's the point in your life when you discover that your parents are truly insane... and were all the time they were raising you.


edit: Happy Festivus! :wine:
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My festivus isn't complete with out a ...Festivius Pole!
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Sounds like your mother has already had the Airing of Grievances, now it is time for the Feats of Strength. Good luck pinning her to the ground.
 
Originally posted by: HomeAppraiser
Originally posted by: melly
Originally posted by: bugle25
Are luis's grades TOP SECRET?
Click to expand...

LOL.

My mom used to ask me questions about my friends' grades also. It was her way of finding out if I was keeping good company. Drove me nuts.
Click to expand...

I agree. It sounds like your mother has a control issue. This is typical of mothers who are used to looking out for their sons on a daily basis, but can't now that they are away at college. Since you have been the good son, from what you have posted about your jobs and caring about your youngest sister; in her mind the problem with your grades can't be you so she is fishing for a way to solve your problem.

The indirect question is a tactic used to create a wedge between you and Luis with out you knowing it. She probably planned on subtly widening that wedge all winter break and is hostile because her plan backfired! Is there something about Luis that she does not approve of? Clothes, race, religion, etc? Sounds like what she asked could have been phrased in a threatening manner, but your reaction is in the past and dwelling on it can't change what you said.
Originally posted by: Tab
It seems to me that being silent before going to church isn't going to work or me hiding in my room. Since, she wasn't leaving anytime soon and kept nagging about my "beliefs"
Click to expand...

This also sounds like a mom desperate to maintain control. Religious mothers tend to think that if everything else is going to hell, being right with God will solve the problems. At 19 years old you are probably questioning the beliefs and dogma that you followed growing up. This is either bound to send your mother running for the liquor cabinet or into heavy praying for you to get saved. Your sisters competing for approval and possibly control of the family dinner does not help either.

If I were you, I would thank your mother for her concern over your grades, but emphasize that the slump is your responsibility and not the direct result of the friends you keep or your religious beliefs. Reassure her that you will work hard to get your grades up the same way she raised you to work hard. Also while you appreciate her trying to help, learning to stand on your own is part of becoming a man. That if you need her help you won't hesitate to ask (even if you have your fingers crossed when you say it).

Finally, apologize to you mother for getting defensive when she asked about Luis's grades, but your own grades have you on edge. You will soon learn that every argument with a woman you love needs to end with an apology on your part for them to fully get over it. Even if you are 100% right!

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Now, thats sound advice... I suppose it's hard to let go...

All I really want is to be left alone, I spent last month feeling like crap about my bad grades and staying up all night for one class which I managed to get a B in...

Anyway, I plan to spend tomarrow playing DoD:Source, that's a great way to spend Christmas...
 
Originally posted by: Epoman
Originally posted by: Tab
Since I've created such a lovely Christmas atmosphere, I'll respond to a couple people...

Connsoisseur - You can't make people enjoy spending time together, essentially Christmas is no different than any other day, unless of course you're religious.

MontanaFan - My mother didn't ask the question "How's luis" she asked "How are luis's grades" this is something that you just don't ask, it's completely socially unacceptable. Maybe I am from a different generation, but I find "It's none of you're buisness" the most polite and honest way to reply to something that invasive. You're right I could have easily dodged the question, but would you really want your own parents asking something like that?

TheRaven - Yes, my grades are slipping but that's not because of my poor grammatical skills. My parents should be concerned about me and maybe the well-being of my friends, but not their grades. For reference I don't beileve in God, why? I just find the evidence for the exsistance of such a being very poor. There is no inheret point to life, you're here it doesn't matter why you're here you just are here.

Schfifty Five - Alright I see you're point, but they're my parents not my friends. It's quite difficult to discuss the movie "The 40 year old virgin" with my parents. Well, yes they do in essence have a right into my personal life, my friends grades aren't exactly my personal life.

Thanks for your constructive criticism, I'll think about this a little bit more...

As to the rest of you who can't offer anything but childish insults, you're no better than I am.
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God I hope my son doesn't turn out like this guy. Unless luis is a real fuckup (which he must be since you have to dodge the bullet) why hide the truth.

I think saying it's none of your business is very rude and just shows me how much respect you actually have for your mother, none.

But one day the tide will turn.
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I pretty sure I must have been adopted at birth, I've done some research and your DNA matches mine...

Hello father...
 
LOL. It's called angst, and everyone has it at some point to varying degrees. At 19 you're on the verge of adulthood societally, but in physical terms you're an adult. It's a very frustrating and confusing point of life, it hit me at 18. And I agree about the perspective with life changes statement. I remember holding my dad's hand and talking to him as he struggled for his last breaths in ICU, the last thing I said to him when he died was I'm sorry for all the times I wasn't a good son. You'll miss you're parents when they're gone, cherish them while they're still here.
 
whenever my parents ask about friends grades i just so i have no idea, to be fair i dont care what my friends are attaining...it doesnt help me any, i just concern myself with myself.

and the religious crap....i dont get that coz no ones religious in our family (and im definately not and never gonna be......you can thank R.E. lessons at school)
 
Originally posted by: Tab

Now, thats sound advice... I suppose it's hard to let go...

All I really want is to be left alone, I spent last month feeling like crap about my bad grades and staying up all night for one class which I managed to get a B in...

Anyway, I plan to spend tomarrow playing DoD:Source, that's a great way to spend Christmas...
Click to expand...

Oh yeah that's sound advice when someone posts something that agrees with you. Grow up buddy. You're 19. This stupid stuff was ok at puberty but hopefully your testicles dropped a while back. Show your parents respect and do the mature thing.

 
The Real Question: Who's paying for your education? If your parents are paying, then your grades are completely their business.
Edit: Since they help out and feed you, it's very justified.
 
Originally posted by: Connoisseur
Originally posted by: Tab

Now, thats sound advice... I suppose it's hard to let go...

All I really want is to be left alone, I spent last month feeling like crap about my bad grades and staying up all night for one class which I managed to get a B in...

Anyway, I plan to spend tomarrow playing DoD:Source, that's a great way to spend Christmas...
Click to expand...

Oh yeah that's sound advice when someone posts something that agrees with you. Grow up buddy. You're 19. This stupid stuff was ok at puberty but hopefully your testicles dropped a while back. Show your parents respect and do the mature thing.
Click to expand...

Kind of ironic, you feel it's ok to show HIM disrespect but he shouldn't do likewise. Ever consider following your own advice?
 
Your parents should've thrown your disrespectful and ungrateful little bitch ass out for saying that.
 
Originally posted by: mindless1
Originally posted by: Connoisseur
Originally posted by: Tab

Now, thats sound advice... I suppose it's hard to let go...

All I really want is to be left alone, I spent last month feeling like crap about my bad grades and staying up all night for one class which I managed to get a B in...

Anyway, I plan to spend tomarrow playing DoD:Source, that's a great way to spend Christmas...
Click to expand...

Oh yeah that's sound advice when someone posts something that agrees with you. Grow up buddy. You're 19. This stupid stuff was ok at puberty but hopefully your testicles dropped a while back. Show your parents respect and do the mature thing.
Click to expand...

Kind of ironic, you feel it's ok to show HIM disrespect but he shouldn't do likewise. Ever consider following your own advice?
Click to expand...

I see no irony there. I said "Show your parents respect". Unless Tab turns out to be my mom or dad, I see no reason why I should show this whiny crybaby any respect.

 
Rather than saying "none of your business", which is disrespectful and curt no matter who you're talking to, how about just say "I dont know" or "I'm not sure." Even a "I think they're fine" would have been sufficient.
 

First off, your parents are not perfect (and neither are you). You should prepared to cut them some slack if they occassionally phrase a question in a way that you aren't comfortable with.

As others have noted, parents are always interested in the friends that their children keep. Like it or not, it's a good way of gauging the direction their own child is headed. You will seldom find a drug-free, conscientious, dean's list college student in a group of pot smoking, probationary ones. You reveal a lot about yourself by your choice of the compant you keep.

Judging from your subsequent posts, I'm thinking that your parents do have reason to be concerned. You say that you're bummed out by your deteriorating grades, but IMHO it doesn't sound to me like you are determined to make the changes necessary to turn yourself around. I hope I'm wrong.

Good luck!
 
Originally posted by: PowerEngineer

First off, your parents are not perfect (and neither are you). You should prepared to cut them some slack if they occassionally phrase a question in a way that you aren't comfortable with.

As others have noted, parents are always interested in the friends that their children keep. Like it or not, it's a good way of gauging the direction their own child is headed. You will seldom find a drug-free, conscientious, dean's list college student in a group of pot smoking, probationary ones. You reveal a lot about yourself by your choice of the compant you keep.

Judging from your subsequent posts, I'm thinking that your parents do have reason to be concerned. You say that you're bummed out by your deteriorating grades, but IMHO it doesn't sound to me like you are determined to make the changes necessary to turn yourself around. I hope I'm wrong.

Good luck!
Click to expand...

I hope so too...
 
Originally posted by: Connoisseur
Originally posted by: mindless1
Originally posted by: Connoisseur
Originally posted by: Tab

Now, thats sound advice... I suppose it's hard to let go...

All I really want is to be left alone, I spent last month feeling like crap about my bad grades and staying up all night for one class which I managed to get a B in...

Anyway, I plan to spend tomarrow playing DoD:Source, that's a great way to spend Christmas...
Click to expand...

Oh yeah that's sound advice when someone posts something that agrees with you. Grow up buddy. You're 19. This stupid stuff was ok at puberty but hopefully your testicles dropped a while back. Show your parents respect and do the mature thing.
Click to expand...

Kind of ironic, you feel it's ok to show HIM disrespect but he shouldn't do likewise. Ever consider following your own advice?
Click to expand...

I see no irony there. I said "Show your parents respect". Unless Tab turns out to be my mom or dad, I see no reason why I should show this whiny crybaby any respect.
Click to expand...

You're just being a hypocrite, doing exactly what you're telling me not to do.
 
Originally posted by: Tab

MontanaFan - My mother didn't ask the question "How's luis" she asked "How are luis's grades" this is something that you just don't ask, it's completely socially unacceptable. Maybe I am from a different generation, but I find "It's none of you're buisness" the most polite and honest way to reply to something that invasive. You're right I could have easily dodged the question, but would you really want your own parents asking something like that?
Click to expand...


Tab, my parents did ask me questions like that about my friends and I understand you feeling defensive about it, I did as well. I would "think" it's none of their business, but I wouldn't actually say it because in a way I knew that they were just doing it out of concern for me. I don't think anyone posting here can tell you that they never got mad at their parents for delving into their personal lives, especially when they were around your age, but most of us are older now and appreciate more and more what our parents did for us and respect them for it.

I'm not saying that I don't understand the way questions like that from your parents make you feel, just that you should think about the way answers like the one you gave make your parents feel. They just want to help you and take care of you the way they always have and that's never going to change. You're always going to be their child no matter how old you are. That's just the dynamics of the relationship. When they ask you questions like that just try to remember that it's out of love and concern and return that with love and respect in the way you frame your answers and there will be a lot less friction between you. I know it won't always be easy, but when you get older, you'll be able to look back with fewer regrets.

Just .02 worth from someone whose father has passed away and wishes they had let him know more often how much he was appreciated.

 
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