My mom's an effin old-school-chinese-who-can't-stop-discriminating

[FuZoR]

My parents are the same, but I just ignore them.

They tell me to get Asian friends. I have 1 Chinese friend, the rest are White and Spanish? They ask me whatever happened to (insert Chinese kid I knew) more times then I can count. My sister has 99% chinese friends, my parents tell her to make your brother go hang out with them. They drive me insane.

 

[Kojak]

erikiksaz I must commend you for not carrying on her bigotry. I do not know what to tell you regarding mom. Maybe she will amend her views in time.

 

[Gibson486]

It's not just Asians, it's all nationalities that do it. Coming from an Asian family, my mom has always said, "stay from thi srace, this race is that bad...blah blah blah". Now, my g/f is Columbian. Her father is worse than my mom! Man, he has a bad comment for every single ethnic group including his own. Behind my back he has called me a "dirty Asian". erikiksaz, I know where you are coming from. There is nothing you can really do, just sit back and take it.

 

[Gibson486]

I am NOT going to date a chinese girl ... EVAR ...

they remind me too much of my mom

hahahha....I said the same exact thing to all my friends

 

[ChurchOfSubgenius]

Do you think if I was really, really nice to your mom she would introduce me to a bunch of teenage whore's? being the handsome BAC GUIY that I am I would promise to keep them all to myself and away from her son. (and all other honorable chinese folk)

My mom's Canadian and she is nice to everyone, stupid Canadians.

 

[gotsmack]

she sounds like a commie. Tell her she sold out by giving you an american name. If she doesn't like the people here then why doesn't she go back?

I'm chinese and 85% of my family is in the US, I've never heard them complain about these things. My mom never admits she's wrong though. She'll say I'm right, but never that she is wrong. and she tells me that she's going to get me a fat wife from the mainland (not HK where she is from) if I'm not maried by the time I turn 29.

I just ignore her most of the time. no talking = no arguement

 

[KokomoGST]

Originally posted by: erikiksaz
First, it was my brother's girlfriend. She's taiwanese.

What can i do? I have a korean girlfriend now, and she thinks all korean people are evil, and no good. I asked her what korean people did to us chinese, and she didn't say anything. Why does my mom discriminate? I hate her for this. Does she never learn from past experiences? Is there ANY POSSIBLE FSKING WAY I CAN SHOW/TEACH HER?

Nope... That's pretty normal... you can't really blame parents for not overcoming the values of the society they were raised in. The Taiwanese thing might be political but even then if it wasn't, she'd still hate every non-Chinese out there. Heck, she might hate Chinese people from Singapore or Fukien province or whatnot. It seems most 1st generation immigrants are bigoted or biased at the very least.

If you haven't figured it out... she wants you to marry a "nice Chinese girl"... she's not quite as subtle as my parents about it. My parents say that, "You don't have to marry a Taiwanese girl. You can even marry a white girl, but we wouldn't be against you marrying a Taiwanese girl." IOW, they want me to marry Taiwanese... do you know how HARD it is to find a Taiwanese girl let alone one I find attractive in my area?

Anywho, I'm just curious... where do you put yourself on the Asian American spectrum... are you a FOB, a banana, FOBulous, somewhere in between?

 

[PG]

Anywho, I'm just curious... where do you put yourself on the Asian American spectrum... are you a FOB, a banana, FOBulous, somewhere in between?

Help a cracker out....what do those terms stand for?

 

[ThreeLeggedGnome]

send her back to china, f**king racist b**ch

 

[Sust]

LOL!
What better way to spice up the work day, than to think about the weirdness of our asian parents.
I think ALL parents are biased in one way or another. It just so happens that some are more biased than others.
In regards to how to deal with it, I suggest you just suck it up and accept it as just one of the many weird quirks parents can have.
Aside from the possibility that these views were seared into her brain by the society she was raised in, there is also the possibility that maybe she's had past negative experiences with caucasian, taiwanese, etc, and she's now used those one time experiences to generalize upon every other person she meets.
It's a lot easier for some to walk around with their predjudice as a shield, than to risk injury taking a peek from behind to see if their enemies are really their enemies.

I used to live in South Philly and my mom got mugged in broad daylight by some teenaged punk who thought he would take advantage of my mom who had her 4,6,and9 y.o. kids with her at Pathmark. I HATED this certain ethnic group for a while as a kid, but as I grew up I came to realize there are exceptions to my preconceived notions and those exceptions eventually grew to a large enough sample that I realized my error and dropped it altogether.
Now I just hate the kid who robbed my mom. I hope he dies a slow, fiery, and painful death.
Basically, intelligent people grow out of the stupidity(hopefully) eventually.

Maybe as the years go by your mom will realize on her own that good/evil is colorblind .
Don't bother trying to change your mom. Love her for the wacky and paranoid person she is.
My grandma says some pretty wild things too, but my bros. and I just laugh it off because we know how ridiculous it sounds and it would be disrespectful to argue with her.
Now if your mom is letting the poo fly right in front of their faces and causing an uproar, then it's time for some help from a mental health professional.
Oh wait, old skool asians dont believe in mental health stuff... (this would be a toughie)

 

[Howard]

One word: Deportation.

I have decent Chinese parents. Before, they used to be racist (and they still are, against black teenagers), but now they're generally lenient.

 

[psteng19]

Originally posted by: notfred
your mom's a fvcking beloved patriot.

There, we're even.

Was really really waiting for an opportunity to post that weren't you, you racist bastard?

 

[Azraele]

Is there ANY POSSIBLE ... WAY I CAN SHOW/TEACH HER?

Barring her eventually learning through experience, and barring an effective argument against stereotyping people, there may be nothing you can do. Some people are so set in their ideas, that it is very very hard to change them. It can be eternally frustrating to deal with such people. However, you've been able so see above her set example, and I think that's something to be proud of.

 

[KokomoGST]

Originally posted by: PG

Anywho, I'm just curious... where do you put yourself on the Asian American spectrum... are you a FOB, a banana, FOBulous, somewhere in between?

Help a cracker out....what do those terms stand for?

FOB = Fresh Off the Boat... aka, your a 1st-2nd generation (1.5ers included) Azn that probably learned another language before English and you've still got a lot of ties to your old culture, date only asians & usually speak in your native Asian tongue with your friends.

Banana = yellow on the outside, white on the inside. IOW, you hate/ignore everything not "American" or that might link you to your cultural/ethnic roots. You don't like your native food, language, customs, etc. or you don't even know them. You like white girls/boys a lot and have never dated an Azn. You have no idea who Hikaru Utada, Cecilia Cheung, Aaron Kwok, and etc are nor do you care. You were most likely born in the US and don't speak your native ethnic language at all.

FOBulous = best of both worlds. You can either be an Americanized FOB or an awakened "banana" that has discovered their heritage. You can speak both English and your native language(s) quite well. You love both things Azn and "American" and have dated both azn and non-azn. You celebrate your own culture while taking note that the US kicks some serious @$$ too.

There are more terms that escape me at the moment... there is one for a white guy that's got "Yellow fever" but I forget the name. There's also others such as "chiggers",gangsta azns, and TABs (Trendy Azn B1tch3s). There's even one for the pre-FOBulous... like me... my Taiwanese sucks @$$, I speak like a kid... can't really read or write in Mandarin but like asian stuff, I forget the name of the term though.

 

[LuDaCriS66]

Originally posted by: FuZioN
My parents are the same, but I just ignore them.

They tell me to get Asian friends. I have 1 Chinese friend, the rest are White and Spanish? They ask me whatever happened to (insert Chinese kid I knew) more times then I can count. My sister has 99% chinese friends, my parents tell her to make your brother go hang out with them. They drive me insane.

I'm in the exact same situation... cept my friends aren't Spanish but European nonetheless... now they keep asking me if I'm gonna marry an Asian girl now since I practically have no Asian friends.. and to be honest, I'm not attracted to Asian girls either.. lol

Oh well.. as long as they're not as serious as the original poster's mom.. that would suck

 

[weezergirl]

well try this one...not only is my mom a racist but she also descriminates against people of other religions. which is funny because we're buddhist and generally supposed to be very accepting of other religions. not my mom! anybody who is not buddhist or vietnamese is somehow inferior. it amazes me how racist asian folk can be. it's also sad though because most of them are too old and set in their ways to change. the kids are always the ones who have to suffer. well, at least have comfort in that most of us are changing in this way of thinking and the next generation won't have to deal with this kind of stuff as much.

<-- 22 years old and STILL hasnt' told her parents about her taiwanese, christian bf of 2 years.

 

[Gibson486]

Come to think about it....my mom (and her side of the family) is the only one who really says such things. My grandma (my father's side) has never said anything like that (or atleast I never heard). when my grandma first met my g/f, she served her a whole meal!

 

[erikiksaz]

How old is your mother? How long has she been this way?

My mom's in her upper fifties. It's impossible to tell exactly how hold she is, since you know how women are about their ages. One day it's forty something, the next it's fifty. And yes, she has ALWAYS been this way towards girls. One funny thing is that my mom's sister, otherwise, my aunt , is not like this. She was always open to teenage girls, so long as they appeared "nice." Maybe it helps that my aunt's family consists of 10 boys?

ask ur mom if she likes the commies in china, cuz their economy is way behind

My mom keeps telling me to brush up on my Mandarin, since China is going to be a superpower again. Sorry to say mom, but if those terrorist-supportin' far easterners rise to power, i'm sure we'd all be living underground by then.

Anywho, I'm just curious... where do you put yourself on the Asian American spectrum... are you a FOB, a banana, FOBulous, somewhere in between?

The way you described it, i would be FOBulous. I still speak cantonese (even though fukienese should have been my main language, long story) although it's been fading ever since. Otherwise, everything else related to being asian is still pretty much intact. I'm worrying about my children though. I fear that they will no longer be asian. Those customs, tradtions, POOF!

 

[fluxquantum]

your mom has issues.

 

[Vinny N]

Originally posted by: Linflas
The wonderful thing about the melting pot America is is that these things tend to take care of themselves in a generation or 2. You have white, blacks, asians, hispanics, gentiles, and jews all falling in love with one another, getting married, and having kids. The new grandparents in a lot of cases seem to come around when presented with their grandchildren no matter what the ethnic background. If they don't then it really is their loss.

Heh yeah, I think my grandmother and parents were deluded to ever think that the family bloodline would stay "pure". As my friend once told me, "Vinny, your youngest brother is going to marry a black woman. Your other brother is going to marry a white woman, and you are going to marry a european woman." He surely was speaking of the good odds that you'll love someone else.

Originally posted by: erikiksaz

How old is your mother? How long has she been this way?

My mom's in her upper fifties. It's impossible to tell exactly how hold she is, since you know how women are about their ages. One day it's forty something, the next it's fifty. And yes, she has ALWAYS been this way towards girls. One funny thing is that my mom's sister, otherwise, my aunt , is not like this. She was always open to teenage girls, so long as they appeared "nice." Maybe it helps that my aunt's family consists of 10 boys?

Maybe your aunt should have a chat with your mother? My uncle lives pretty close by and visits at least every month or so, he's always willing to retort on my brother's behalf or my behalf on our latest dating venture I think it helps that he has a fine appreciation of non-vietnamese women despite being traditional enough years and years ago to marry a vietnamese woman anyways.

Anywho, I'm just curious... where do you put yourself on the Asian American spectrum... are you a FOB, a banana, FOBulous, somewhere in between?

The way you described it, i would be FOBulous. I still speak cantonese (even though fukienese should have been my main language, long story) although it's been fading ever since. Otherwise, everything else related to being asian is still pretty much intact. I'm worrying about my children though. I fear that they will no longer be asian. Those customs, tradtions, POOF!

Fading? Do you speak to your parents their native dialect? What language do you think in? I've always wondered if that made a big difference.

I learned vietnamese first but I can't recall ever thinking in any language but english. I'm a FOB that made the move to Banana quickly as I grew up. The culmination was when a friend at college flat-out told me, "Vinny, you're white on the inside." My only concern about losing my speaking knowledge of vietnamese was that I wouldn't be able to talk to my grandmother and parents(well they know a fair amount of english but it still isn't as good as it could be). It was kind of odd being away for my first couple of years, I really thought it would vanish. But it seems to be like riding a bike.

What about children though? There shouldn't be any shame in things disappearing. It's like making a lossy copy from an already lossy copy from another lossy copy. It can't be helped. If you're really concerned, there must be some communities you could join.

 

[Jugernot]

My parents aren't quite that stubborn, but they just about $hit when I brought my current girlfrend home. I was 19 and she was 32. Needless to say... they've gotten used to her over the last 1.5 years and are quite friendly now. Though my mom still has moments where she's a bitch. :frown:

 

[diskop]

Originally posted by: erikiksaz
First, it was my brother's girlfriend. She's taiwanese. My mom called her a slut, a hoe, a good-for-nothing XXX, even yelled at her parents. About a year later, she calms down, learns that my bro's gf is not a slut. BUT, initially she thought that all young girls were, and this has not changed.

Second, it was my sister's husband. He's caucasion. My mom called him and his whole nationality money grubbing "BAC GUIY" which means "white devil." She also thought he was going to marry her, steal her money, and leave her. Needless to say, she loves him now. He's not a money grubbing white devil to her anymore. BUT, what she initially thought has not changed.

To her, those two people are just exceptions to her rule. Her rules:

1) all teenage girls are whores

2) all other nationalities besides chinese are evil, and have tried to hurt us chinese people in one way or another

I have teenage girl cousins, plenty of them. "Mom, why isn't cousin Lucy a whore?" I ask. No reply. "Why wasn't Chris (my older sister) a whore?" No reply. And with her being extremely hardheaded, what can i possibly do to get through to her? She never thinks she's wrong, even when you shove the truth down her throat with a large helping of evidence.

What can i do? I have a korean girlfriend now, and she thinks all korean people are evil, and no good. I asked her what korean people did to us chinese, and she didn't say anything. Why does my mom discriminate? I hate her for this. Does she never learn from past experiences? Is there ANY POSSIBLE FSKING WAY I CAN SHOW/TEACH HER?

It sounds like her being Chinese doesn't have anything to do with it, other than the fact that she is Chinese. Sorry to say, but she is just a racist and a bigot. She could be any race and still be called the same thing. No offense to you of course.

 

[joe678]

Originally posted by: Jugernot
My parents aren't quite that stubborn, but they just about $hit when I brought my current girlfrend home. I was 19 and she was 32. Needless to say... they've gotten used to her over the last 1.5 years and are quite friendly now. Though my mom still has moments where she's a bitch. :frown:

that is just a tad out of the ordinary... at least they like her now...

 

[tweakmm]

Originally posted by: Ameesh
just so you know i get the same thing from my family, my mom knows better then to be openly racist but ive gotten the "no racial dilution speech from some of my aunts" so i flashed a gang sign at her and yelled "eastside till i die!"

I don't know why, but when I read this I burst out laughing.

 

[Hooligan]

Originally posted by: PG

Anywho, I'm just curious... where do you put yourself on the Asian American spectrum... are you a FOB, a banana, FOBulous, somewhere in between?

I consider myself somewhat to be Asian American. I am not a banana, although I do like punk rock and skateboarding, I'm not a fob, i speak chinese (sorta). Chinese and American as they come I suppose