I just sent this to the head of Employee Development of the Detroit Lions. 😀
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Barbara,
As I understand it, you are the head of Employee Development for the Detroit Lions.
Attached to this email you will find my resume. I am submitting this resume for the General Manager position with the Detroit Lions.
As a lifelong fan of 30 years of the Detroit Lions, it saddens me to see the team that I love absorb defeat after defeat while enduring losing season after losing season. I feel I would be able to end the suffering that all Lions fans must endure yearly.
Let me begin by stating that I have no formal training with running an NFL football team. Obviously this is not a prerequisite for the job. Unfortunately I did not play organized football either. I do, however, watch a lot of football on television, both professional and college. I also have managed multiple fantasy football teams to league championships. I read ESPN.com and NFL.com daily.
I have witnessed many college and professional football games in person, including a Super Bowl. The NFL consists of thirty-two (32) teams divided into two conferences: the American Football Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference (NFC). The last game of the year pits the best team in the AFC against the best team in the NFC. The name of this game is the Super Bowl. The winner of this "Super Bowl" is deemed the season's champion of the NFL. Last year's champion was the New England Patriots.
Aside from the fact that I have no experience and did not play organized football, I feel that I would be able to win at LEAST 30% of the games played. This would all but guarantee a 5-11 record every year. If the current GM is able to get a 5-year contract extension by winning 26% of games played over five season, then a 4% increase should dictate at least a 1-year, incentive-laden contract. My salary requirements are open, but I would like to start negotiations at a minimum of $100,000 per season. I would also suggest that I am paid based on performance. For every football game that I am the GM and the Lions are victorious I would expect a bonus in the amount of $10,000. When I deliver on my promise of five (5) victories a year which, again, surpasses the average victory total of the current GM, I would receive a bonus of $50,000. I would like this bonus paid in a lump sum at the end of the season. If I am unable to deliver on my guarantee of five (5) victories in a single season, I will not accept a bonus from the organization. I would also expect two (2) weeks of paid vacation per year, as well as competitive health benefits. A 401K plan would be appreciated but is not necessary.
I am aware of how many players must be on the field for a play (11) and how many downs you receive in order to convert a "first down" (4). I am also aware of the length of the field (120 yards with each goal measuring 10 yards) and the WIDTH of the field (53 yards, 1 foot). I know how many points given for a touchdown (6), a field goal (3), an extra point (1) AND a safety (2). I am also familiar with the fact that you are able to, at the coach's discretion, attempt a "two-point" conversion after a touchdown. Under my administration I would only "go for two" when absolutely necessary.
Barbara, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this email. I honestly believe that I will be able to far surpass the precedent set by the current administration. Please review my resume. I would encourage you to seriously consider me for this position as I definitely feel that, based on past selections, I am more than qualified for the job.
Thanks!
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Cliffs Notes: Fire Millen
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Barbara,
As I understand it, you are the head of Employee Development for the Detroit Lions.
Attached to this email you will find my resume. I am submitting this resume for the General Manager position with the Detroit Lions.
As a lifelong fan of 30 years of the Detroit Lions, it saddens me to see the team that I love absorb defeat after defeat while enduring losing season after losing season. I feel I would be able to end the suffering that all Lions fans must endure yearly.
Let me begin by stating that I have no formal training with running an NFL football team. Obviously this is not a prerequisite for the job. Unfortunately I did not play organized football either. I do, however, watch a lot of football on television, both professional and college. I also have managed multiple fantasy football teams to league championships. I read ESPN.com and NFL.com daily.
I have witnessed many college and professional football games in person, including a Super Bowl. The NFL consists of thirty-two (32) teams divided into two conferences: the American Football Conference (AFC) and the National Football Conference (NFC). The last game of the year pits the best team in the AFC against the best team in the NFC. The name of this game is the Super Bowl. The winner of this "Super Bowl" is deemed the season's champion of the NFL. Last year's champion was the New England Patriots.
Aside from the fact that I have no experience and did not play organized football, I feel that I would be able to win at LEAST 30% of the games played. This would all but guarantee a 5-11 record every year. If the current GM is able to get a 5-year contract extension by winning 26% of games played over five season, then a 4% increase should dictate at least a 1-year, incentive-laden contract. My salary requirements are open, but I would like to start negotiations at a minimum of $100,000 per season. I would also suggest that I am paid based on performance. For every football game that I am the GM and the Lions are victorious I would expect a bonus in the amount of $10,000. When I deliver on my promise of five (5) victories a year which, again, surpasses the average victory total of the current GM, I would receive a bonus of $50,000. I would like this bonus paid in a lump sum at the end of the season. If I am unable to deliver on my guarantee of five (5) victories in a single season, I will not accept a bonus from the organization. I would also expect two (2) weeks of paid vacation per year, as well as competitive health benefits. A 401K plan would be appreciated but is not necessary.
I am aware of how many players must be on the field for a play (11) and how many downs you receive in order to convert a "first down" (4). I am also aware of the length of the field (120 yards with each goal measuring 10 yards) and the WIDTH of the field (53 yards, 1 foot). I know how many points given for a touchdown (6), a field goal (3), an extra point (1) AND a safety (2). I am also familiar with the fact that you are able to, at the coach's discretion, attempt a "two-point" conversion after a touchdown. Under my administration I would only "go for two" when absolutely necessary.
Barbara, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this email. I honestly believe that I will be able to far surpass the precedent set by the current administration. Please review my resume. I would encourage you to seriously consider me for this position as I definitely feel that, based on past selections, I am more than qualified for the job.
Thanks!
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Cliffs Notes: Fire Millen
