My Daughter's Mother Wants To Change My Daughter's Name

[pontifex]

whats the mother's reasoning for changing it?

the kid is 3 months old so it sounds like you, or she, did something that was not cool and thats why you split. but then she is going to keep your name and add hers to the end, so she must not hate your guts to totally get rid of your name.

it seems odd that she is doing it this way. you'd think she would remove your name and just use hers.

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: PowerEngineer

Just three months old? You must be in a really difficult situation. I hope you find a positive way to deal with it.

So maybe the "what does she want?" question needs to be morphed into "what do you believe is in her best interests?". A different last name than her mother and/or stepfather (and siblings?) would mean that she'll have a lot of explaining to do to friends and acquaintances as she grows up, and it's bound to weaken her sense of belonging in her family. I don't think I'd want to place that burden on my daughter.

I'm wondering what role you desire to play in the raising of your daughter. Do you believe that your involvement in her upbringing will be a positive thing for her? Admittedly there's a lot about this situation that we haven't heard, and so this may not be the right thing to do, but... Have you considered the possibility of letting her mother and stepfather "adopt" her?

Infants seldom use their last names. Perhaps you could propose a compromise that would allow them to change her last name in three years if their family situation remains stable. Just a thought...

Again, good luck in dealing with such a tough situation.

Ok I know I didn't mention it and that's my fault but no where was a stepfather mentioned. There is no such stepfather nor even another man in the picture. Just us three. I plan to be in my daughter's life as much as possible. Only reason she is with her mom is because I (at the time of separation) was working 16 hour days and there's somethings only her mom can teach her.

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: MaverickBP
Before I go googling shit I figured i'd come here first. Now please keep personal opinions on whether you see this as a big deal out of here please. Basically the mother of my daughter wants to change my daughters name from Jenna Celine <my last name> to Jenna Celine <my last name> <her last name>. No hyphen..just two last names. Besides the fact of the possible confusion that can have later on in life, her name would be considered my daughter's last name. So what rights do I have? We split up and it was done very peacefully. We have not gone to court for anything and nor do we plan to. We figured we could handle everything without all that.

If you did all that without an attorney's advice and guidance, you may be hosed. Lawyer up NOW, or you may lose it all.

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: pontifex
whats the mother's reasoning for changing it?

the kid is 3 months old so it sounds like you, or she, did something that was not cool and thats why you split. but then she is going to keep your name and add hers to the end, so she must not hate your guts to totally get rid of your name.

it seems odd that she is doing it this way. you'd think she would remove your name and just use hers.

Well we've been talking and it was an idea now that she was just tossing around... Either way I asked if she did it for it to be another middle name and she agreed. Although if we were together (not married) she wouldn't be changing it at all which makes NO sense.

We entered this relationship as a trial basis only. Everything else that happened was unexpected. In a matter of a few weeks we went from starting a relationship...to getting pregnant and living together. The feelings weren't there for me unfortunately. I decided that I either break things off now and save a possible friendship with her and so we can be good around my daughter. Or end up drawing things out...hating eachother...and having my daughter witness that. Trust me it was not an easy decision and it's actually been for the best. We've been absolutely great with eachother..so far.


Now mind you she is actually being very nice about this and in no way is there any yelling or anything. It's just been a couple comments that should not have been said.

 

[RandomFool]

I wouldn't worry too much about having to explain her last name. I've got a different last name than my parents and one of my sisters. People just accept it these days.

 

[PowerEngineer]

Sorry about my confusion. I inferred the presense of another man from one of your earlier responses.

Please take this in the constructive way I intend it, but I have to wonder if raising this child between the two of you is the best situation for your daughter. Given your somewhat troubling description of the mother's history and your belief that a long term relationship with her mother is out of the question (and your understanding that this post-breakup "honeymoon" period can not last), I'd like to suggest that the two of you at least consider the option of placing your daughter up for adoption.

Whatever the two of you decide to do, the best to all three of you.

 

[LTC8K6]

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name, would smell as sweet;

 

[imported_Baloo]

if it were up to me, she would drop the father's name altogether and take the wife's maiden name in it's place, not in addition. That is best for the children that they have the same last name as the parent they live with.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
What does your daughter want?

She 3 months old so i'm guessing...a diaper change lol.


She tried just telling me that just because my name is on the certificate, doesn't give me any legal rights. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what it gives me and the notary made sure I knew that when I signed the document. Not to mention my DNA is all the rights i'll ever need.

Wow. I had no idea. I just assumed your daughter was older.

I'd talk to a lawyer. Were you married to this woman?

Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father. I'm sure the court would frown on the reasons behind it. I really don't see a way i'd lose should i have taken her to court.

but she was good enough to stick your Johnson in her,unwrapped?

 

[Kermy]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
What does your daughter want?

She 3 months old so i'm guessing...a diaper change lol.


She tried just telling me that just because my name is on the certificate, doesn't give me any legal rights. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what it gives me and the notary made sure I knew that when I signed the document. Not to mention my DNA is all the rights i'll ever need.

Wow. I had no idea. I just assumed your daughter was older.

I'd talk to a lawyer. Were you married to this woman?

Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father. I'm sure the court would frown on the reasons behind it. I really don't see a way i'd lose should i have taken her to court.

but she was good enough to stick your Johnson in her,unwrapped?

:roll:

 

[Pacfanweb]

Originally posted by: MaverickBP
Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father.

This is all I need to hear right there. Take her to court, and get custody of your daughter from that worthless piece of trash. It's the best thing you could ever do for the baby.

Think of that baby girl, and forget getting along with the mother. Your daughter is FAR more important that whether you have good relations with the womb-donor that carried her.

 

[daveymark]

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb

Originally posted by: MaverickBP
Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father.

This is all I need to hear right there. Take her to court, and get custody of your daughter from that worthless piece of trash. It's the best thing you could ever do for the baby.

Think of that baby girl, and forget getting along with the mother. Your daughter is FAR more important that whether you have good relations with the womb-donor that carried her.

perhaps he just wants the recognition of being a father (including a daughter with the same last name) without the responsibility

 

[Pacfanweb]

Originally posted by: daveymark

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb

Originally posted by: MaverickBP
Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father.

This is all I need to hear right there. Take her to court, and get custody of your daughter from that worthless piece of trash. It's the best thing you could ever do for the baby.

Think of that baby girl, and forget getting along with the mother. Your daughter is FAR more important that whether you have good relations with the womb-donor that carried her.

perhaps he just wants the recognition of being a father (including a daughter with the same last name) without the responsibility

Well, that'd be pretty sorry, too. Hope it's not the case.

 

[RandomFool]

Originally posted by: Baloo
if it were up to me, she would drop the father's name altogether and take the wife's maiden name in it's place, not in addition. That is best for the children that they have the same last name as the parent they live with.

Why?

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: PowerEngineer

Sorry about my confusion. I inferred the presense of another man from one of your earlier responses.

Please take this in the constructive way I intend it, but I have to wonder if raising this child between the two of you is the best situation for your daughter. Given your somewhat troubling description of the mother's history and your belief that a long term relationship with her mother is out of the question (and your understanding that this post-breakup "honeymoon" period can not last), I'd like to suggest that the two of you at least consider the option of placing your daughter up for adoption.

Whatever the two of you decide to do, the best to all three of you.

It's not that serious and that's not an option but thanks.

 

[Old Hippie]

We have not gone to court for anything and nor do we plan to. We figured we could handle everything without all that.

You're playing with fire! :shocked:

 

[hzl eyed grl]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
What does your daughter want?

She 3 months old so i'm guessing...a diaper change lol.


She tried just telling me that just because my name is on the certificate, doesn't give me any legal rights. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what it gives me and the notary made sure I knew that when I signed the document. Not to mention my DNA is all the rights i'll ever need.

Wow. I had no idea. I just assumed your daughter was older.

I'd talk to a lawyer. Were you married to this woman?

Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father. I'm sure the court would frown on the reasons behind it. I really don't see a way i'd lose should i have taken her to court.

but she was good enough to stick your Johnson in her,unwrapped?

That's a little harsh. From the sounds of it, they were in a relationship when the child was conceived. It doesn't sound like she was just someone he wanted to stick his unwrapped johnson into. JMO

 

[Jeffwo]

Originally posted by: TheKub

Originally posted by: GRIFFIN1
I know I don't know anything about your situation, but if you just have a verbal agreement with the mother to help support your daughter, then you are setting yourself up for some serious pain. I knew a guy that had to pay several years of back child support when the woman he knocked up finally went to court to get child support. He had been sending her checks every month, but the court didn't care about that.

Yeah if you intend to do a DIY separation it would be best to get stuff in writing and be really anal about keeping a record. Even with all of this its still nothing like having a lawyer.

Yup...my daughter's mom hit me up for around $3,000 which I didn't have reciepts for but had actually paid her when things got unfriendly between us.

Get an agreement in writing and never, ever give them a nickel without a receipt.

 

[Pliablemoose]

I've tried to remain neutral in your threads dude, but seriously you two seem like pretty screwed up parents.

If this woman is so screwed up, what the hell were you doing screwing her, much less making children with her?

I think you have some control issues as well dude....

Hire a lawyer, it seems as if both of you need some external structure along with a reality check.

<--Single custodial father for the last 9 years.

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
What does your daughter want?

She 3 months old so i'm guessing...a diaper change lol.


She tried just telling me that just because my name is on the certificate, doesn't give me any legal rights. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what it gives me and the notary made sure I knew that when I signed the document. Not to mention my DNA is all the rights i'll ever need.

Wow. I had no idea. I just assumed your daughter was older.

I'd talk to a lawyer. Were you married to this woman?

Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father. I'm sure the court would frown on the reasons behind it. I really don't see a way i'd lose should i have taken her to court.

Dude if it means this much to you and she has that messed up of a history, you need to stop worrying about a name change, and get custody of your child. She obviously sounds like a looser, and will only hurt your child's future.

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
What does your daughter want?

She 3 months old so i'm guessing...a diaper change lol.


She tried just telling me that just because my name is on the certificate, doesn't give me any legal rights. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what it gives me and the notary made sure I knew that when I signed the document. Not to mention my DNA is all the rights i'll ever need.

Wow. I had no idea. I just assumed your daughter was older.

I'd talk to a lawyer. Were you married to this woman?

Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father. I'm sure the court would frown on the reasons behind it. I really don't see a way i'd lose should i have taken her to court.

but she was good enough to stick your Johnson in her,unwrapped?

Stick to the topic please. I love this girl completely but unfortunately it's more of a best friend love. There's a strong possibility of us getting back together in the future but we need this separation right now. We need to take a step back and look at the situation. She agrees with me on this.

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: daveymark

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb

Originally posted by: MaverickBP
Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father.

This is all I need to hear right there. Take her to court, and get custody of your daughter from that worthless piece of trash. It's the best thing you could ever do for the baby.

Think of that baby girl, and forget getting along with the mother. Your daughter is FAR more important that whether you have good relations with the womb-donor that carried her.

perhaps he just wants the recognition of being a father (including a daughter with the same last name) without the responsibility

That's not even close to what I want. My life is that little girl and i'd appreciate it if comments questioning that were left out of this conversation.

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
I've tried to remain neutral in your threads dude, but seriously you two seem like pretty screwed up parents.

If this woman is so screwed up, what the hell were you doing screwing her, much less making children with her?

I think you have some control issues as well dude....

Hire a lawyer, it seems as if both of you need some external structure along with a reality check.

<--Single custodial father for the last 9 years.

What the hell are you talking about? Maybe you're reading into what i've said a little too much or misunderstanding it. We are great people and care for our daughter very much. All this thread was for was asking people who knew more about this subject what my rights were. It's nothing more than a thought she had in her head and I wanted to know my options.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

its your daughters decision.

 

[MaverickBP]

Originally posted by: JeffreyLebowski

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: MaverickBP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
What does your daughter want?

She 3 months old so i'm guessing...a diaper change lol.


She tried just telling me that just because my name is on the certificate, doesn't give me any legal rights. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what it gives me and the notary made sure I knew that when I signed the document. Not to mention my DNA is all the rights i'll ever need.

Wow. I had no idea. I just assumed your daughter was older.

I'd talk to a lawyer. Were you married to this woman?

Nope never. I could've easily taken her to court but I didn't want to do that to her. I live in a father's rights state (nevada) have a nice job (she's unemployed) live on my own with great credit (she lives at home and has crap credit) and have no problems with the law (she has tickets, history of being fired, etc). Not to mention she was put in a situation where she ended up signing over complete rights of her son to his father. I'm sure the court would frown on the reasons behind it. I really don't see a way i'd lose should i have taken her to court.

Dude if it means this much to you and she has that messed up of a history, you need to stop worrying about a name change, and get custody of your child. She obviously sounds like a looser, and will only hurt your child's future.

Her history isn't that bad and she's an absolutely great mom. I understand you guys don't know her/us and reading this stuff can prob confuse the situation. She only has crap credit because of an horrible ex husband. She lost her job because she was forced to call in due to a drugged out ex roommate her left her kid unattended.

Honestly guys we are both good people. All this was is a question of what my rights were...nothing more.