My Damn Father Screwed Us Over Financially. What Should I/We Do?

[josh0099]

The point is even if the house was originally 150k, 80k combined with children they aren't going to be able to pay the house off within 7 years...unless they didn't buy anything...

 

[sutahz]

Originally posted by: geokilla

I'm not getting defensive. I'm telling you guys the mortgage could've been paid off. Maybe if you guys were in my situation you would understand how it could've been paid off or something...>.<

I'm not whining about moving neither. But it's just that we could still stay in the same place without having to move. One example is renting the basement out to U students since I'm awfufully close to the university. Of course, there's other things that would have to be considered too if the basement was to be rentend out, but I hope you guys get what I mean.

Btw, I'm not little kid. I'm 16 =.=" I know my dad is pretty stupid, and my mom is too. And I know that we're in a bad situation. It's just that I want to know if there's anything that can be done to help the situation/not move. According to the helpful posts, guess there isn't much >.<

You are a bit defensive, because no one is telling you what you want to hear.
We can't spell out a perfect answer for your family as we don't know all the details (like your mom does).
As adults we know the answer that has the greatest chance of being correct is "Listen to your mother"
16 is a little kid.
Why is your mom stupid? Oh wait, you're 16.

Oh, and thru all the posts I've read on this great form, none of these adults use '>.<' nor '=.='. Point taken?

Who said she didn't notice? Maybe thats just what she said because she was trying to work things out with the father. Parents don't tell their kids everything because kids don't need to know all the details.

 

[Agentbolt]

Originally posted by: sutahz

Originally posted by: geokilla

I'm not getting defensive. I'm telling you guys the mortgage could've been paid off. Maybe if you guys were in my situation you would understand how it could've been paid off or something...>.<

I'm not whining about moving neither. But it's just that we could still stay in the same place without having to move. One example is renting the basement out to U students since I'm awfufully close to the university. Of course, there's other things that would have to be considered too if the basement was to be rentend out, but I hope you guys get what I mean.

Btw, I'm not little kid. I'm 16 =.=" I know my dad is pretty stupid, and my mom is too. And I know that we're in a bad situation. It's just that I want to know if there's anything that can be done to help the situation/not move. According to the helpful posts, guess there isn't much >.<

You are a bit defensive, because no one is telling you what you want to hear.
We can't spell out a perfect answer for your family as we don't know all the details (like your mom does).
As adults we know the answer that has the greatest chance of being correct is "Listen to your mother"
16 is a little kid.
Why is your mom stupid? Oh wait, your 16.

No, his mom is stupid. Read the thread, sutahz. His dad somehow got two mortgages put on the house to pay for gambling without her noticing.

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

OP - if this is legitimate, I'd start looking for a new place and just move on with things. You said your parents' combined income was around $80k, with your mom's being the larger portion. Unless you can come up with a way to afford this house, it's time to sell it and move into something smaller and not as expensive. The general rule is to get a mortgage for 3x your annual salary. If we assume your mom's is 50k/year, I'd look for houses 150k or less.

Also, quit blaming your dad, if this has been happening so long, there is no way to put blame on others. At some point, one of you should have noticed something wrong and/or kept tabs on the financials. (Most likely your mom considering your age...)

Anyway, there isn't a lot of advice to be given other than think through this without anger/hate towards your dad and get someone to give you legal advice.

This is a chance to start fresh and so take it as that, move on with things, and quit blaming your dad.

 

[DrPizza]

1. It's unusual that paying off a house early is a wise financial decision. Even if your folks *could* have paid off the house early, it's usually wiser to invest that extra money earning something equal to or more than the interest rate on the mortgage. Mortgage interest is (if you can itemize) tax deductible, and it's not that hard when the stock market is doing decently to get a higher rate of return. i.e. spend $10,000 on the house to save $500 in interest? Or spend $10,000 on stocks and earn $1000.

2. How do you know that if the house had been paid off, the marital assets would have been divided the same way?

3. You keep saying gambling, but then have stocks nearby. Was your father attempting to do day trading or something?


<puts on moderator hat>
From this point on, people in this thread better be careful about the words they choose and whether or not they're attacking the OP.
</mod hat>

 

[geokilla]

What other info am I missing. I'll try and see if I can get those information.

My dad took the mortgages out without my mom noticing is because my mom trust him. She never realized that all this was happening under her nose till last October. I know she's a bit dumb, and I agree with you guys that sometimes her thinking isn't correct and stuff, but she's my mom. Please don't diss her and stuff. As for my dad, I don't really consider him to be my dad anymore after all he did.

Oh, and before I forget. He stole like $5000 from my gramps trying to cover up his debts. Of course, once my gramps found out he returned the money immediately. He also borrowed $10k from a close friend who's ill atm.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: geokilla
You know what. Posting was a bad idea. I'm asking for help and this is turning into a hate thread. I gave all the details I know and you guys are creating hatred. Only like a quarter of the posts had like advice and I thank those members.

The mortgage wasn't like $200,000. Ok? ok. The mortgage coulda been paid off, but it wasn't. Ok? ok.

not ok. i make just shy of what your parents make together and couldnt pay off a 200k mortgage in 10 years. not with the expense of kids, school supplies, gas, food and clothing as well as utilities. 10 years is a great goal, but not a very realistic one at that salary level. OK? ok.

 

[ponyo]

What's done is done.

You guys now have to focus on the problem which is lack of income. 2 ways to solve this.

1. downsize to smaller house or rent
2. increase income by getting a better job or more jobs

Since you said you don't want to move, I suggest you go get a job along with any family member who's able to work. Your mom might want to think about getting a part-time job as well. If you guys are not willing to do this, then go with option 1.

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: geokilla
What other info am I missing. I'll try and see if I can get those information.

My dad took the mortgages out without my mom noticing is because my mom trust him. She never realized that all this was happening under her nose till last October. I know she's a bit dumb, and I agree with you guys that sometimes her thinking isn't correct and stuff, but she's my mom. Please don't diss her and stuff. As for my dad, I don't really consider him to be my dad anymore after all he did.

Oh, and before I forget. He stole like $5000 from my gramps trying to cover up his debts. Of course, once my gramps found out he returned the money immediately. He also borrowed $10k from a close friend who's ill atm.

I think you need to consider the possibility that your mother is lying to you about some things.

You also need to realize that there is a lot of interest on a $200k mortgage each month, and that is why most people won't pay one off in 10 years. A $200k mortgage @ 6% paid off over 30 years would have a monthly payment of $1200, and the interest alone would start at $1000 per payment and drop gradually. That means you're paying off $200 of the principle per month. You would have to pay an extra $1000 per month to pay it off in 10 years.

You also need to understand that your dad has an addiction, and he probably doesn't like it any more than you do.

 

[melchoir]

Originally posted by: geokilla
Btw, I'm not little kid. I'm 16 =.=" I know my dad is pretty stupid, and my mom is too..

 

[AgaBoogaBoo]

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: geokilla
What other info am I missing. I'll try and see if I can get those information.

My dad took the mortgages out without my mom noticing is because my mom trust him. She never realized that all this was happening under her nose till last October. I know she's a bit dumb, and I agree with you guys that sometimes her thinking isn't correct and stuff, but she's my mom. Please don't diss her and stuff. As for my dad, I don't really consider him to be my dad anymore after all he did.

Oh, and before I forget. He stole like $5000 from my gramps trying to cover up his debts. Of course, once my gramps found out he returned the money immediately. He also borrowed $10k from a close friend who's ill atm.

I think you need to consider the possibility that your mother is lying to you about some things.

You also need to realize that there is a lot of interest on a $200k mortgage each month, and that is why most people won't pay one off in 10 years. A $200k mortgage @ 6% paid off over 30 years would have a monthly payment of $1200, and the interest alone would start at $1000 per payment and drop gradually. That means you're paying off $200 of the principle per month. You would have to pay an extra $1000 per month to pay it off in 10 years.

You also need to understand that your dad has an addiction, and he probably doesn't like it any more than you do.

OP - I've seen someone in a similar situation and don't take this as an insult to your mom. He's simply saying that in situations like this, especially when you're involved/affected, it's hard to know who is telling the truth.

 

[BoomerD]

It definitely sounds like the OP is just a child who really doesn't know all the facts/details of what is really going on nor what really transpired. IF the mother let the dad take a second on the house to pay his gambling debts and can't make the payments, they have no real options but to move, unless MAYBE the OP gets a good job and helps out.

 

[tfinch2]

If your mom is making less than 80k a year, she should not be purchasing a house that costs 250-300k.

 

[poopaskoopa]

Originally posted by: geokilla
What other info am I missing. I'll try and see if I can get those information.

My dad took the mortgages out without my mom noticing is because my mom trust him. She never realized that all this was happening under her nose till last October. I know she's a bit dumb, and I agree with you guys that sometimes her thinking isn't correct and stuff, but she's my mom. Please don't diss her and stuff. As for my dad, I don't really consider him to be my dad anymore after all he did.

Oh, and before I forget. He stole like $5000 from my gramps trying to cover up his debts. Of course, once my gramps found out he returned the money immediately. He also borrowed $10k from a close friend who's ill atm.

Take your own advice and stop calling your mom stupid or dumb. There's nothing you can do to stay in the house. How about you stop worrying about yourself for one minute, and think about how to help make things better for your mom and your sister? And no, that does not involve you doing anything to stay in the house longer, because there's nothing you can do to prolong your stay there.

 

[geokilla]

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: geokilla
What other info am I missing. I'll try and see if I can get those information.

My dad took the mortgages out without my mom noticing is because my mom trust him. She never realized that all this was happening under her nose till last October. I know she's a bit dumb, and I agree with you guys that sometimes her thinking isn't correct and stuff, but she's my mom. Please don't diss her and stuff. As for my dad, I don't really consider him to be my dad anymore after all he did.

Oh, and before I forget. He stole like $5000 from my gramps trying to cover up his debts. Of course, once my gramps found out he returned the money immediately. He also borrowed $10k from a close friend who's ill atm.

I think you need to consider the possibility that your mother is lying to you about some things.

You also need to realize that there is a lot of interest on a $200k mortgage each month, and that is why most people won't pay one off in 10 years. A $200k mortgage @ 6% paid off over 30 years would have a monthly payment of $1200, and the interest alone would start at $1000 per payment and drop gradually. That means you're paying off $200 of the principle per month. You would have to pay an extra $1000 per month to pay it off in 10 years.

You also need to understand that your dad has an addiction, and he probably doesn't like it any more than you do.

Actually, my dad placed most of the blames on my mom. Things ranging from why he has another woman to things like why he had to take out the mortgage and borrow money to repay his debts. My mom's not a big fan of stocks either. She only approves of stocks if we have extra money set aside for investment, which we did. But, my dad had taken money from the personal use (line of credit? I dunno what it's called) area and used it on stocks. Not once did he make any money from stocks.

It is possible that my mom could be lying bout some things to me, but I've seen some stuff with my own eyes too. I recall one time my mom had to call 911 cus my dad was holding my sister and my mom as hostage because he was blaming my mom as the cause of his problems (other woman, losing money in stocks, etc.).

I do understand that there's a lot of interest on the mortgage, but it could've been done. We were close to paying off the mortgage and my gramps would ask every once in a while to see if we paid it off. He wouldn't ask like once a month unless he knew that the debt could be paid off. That's cus my gramps chipped in as well when we bought the house so the mortgage terms and stuff were probably explained to him too. However, I'm not sure bout the exact details for this mortgage thing, but all I know is that it could've been done.

So what other info should I try and get to try and make it easier for you guys to help and give advice besides downsizing or getting another job.

 

[Adul]

renting out the room might be a good alternative.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: geokilla

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: geokilla
What other info am I missing. I'll try and see if I can get those information.

My dad took the mortgages out without my mom noticing is because my mom trust him. She never realized that all this was happening under her nose till last October. I know she's a bit dumb, and I agree with you guys that sometimes her thinking isn't correct and stuff, but she's my mom. Please don't diss her and stuff. As for my dad, I don't really consider him to be my dad anymore after all he did.

Oh, and before I forget. He stole like $5000 from my gramps trying to cover up his debts. Of course, once my gramps found out he returned the money immediately. He also borrowed $10k from a close friend who's ill atm.

I think you need to consider the possibility that your mother is lying to you about some things.

You also need to realize that there is a lot of interest on a $200k mortgage each month, and that is why most people won't pay one off in 10 years. A $200k mortgage @ 6% paid off over 30 years would have a monthly payment of $1200, and the interest alone would start at $1000 per payment and drop gradually. That means you're paying off $200 of the principle per month. You would have to pay an extra $1000 per month to pay it off in 10 years.

You also need to understand that your dad has an addiction, and he probably doesn't like it any more than you do.

Actually, my dad placed most of the blames on my mom. Things ranging from why he has another woman to things like why he had to take out the mortgage and borrow money to repay his debts. My mom's not a big fan of stocks either. She only approves of stocks if we have extra money set aside for investment, which we did. But, my dad had taken money from the personal use (line of credit? I dunno what it's called) area and used it on stocks. Not once did he make any money from stocks.

It is possible that my mom could be lying bout some things to me, but I've seen some stuff with my own eyes too. I recall one time my mom had to call 911 cus my dad was holding my sister and my mom as hostage because he was blaming my mom as the cause of his problems (other woman, losing money in stocks, etc.).

I do understand that there's a lot of interest on the mortgage, but it could've been done. We were close to paying off the mortgage and my gramps would ask every once in a while to see if we paid it off. He wouldn't ask like once a month unless he knew that the debt could be paid off. That's cus my gramps chipped in as well when we bought the house so the mortgage terms and stuff were probably explained to him too. However, I'm not sure bout the exact details for this mortgage thing, but all I know is that it could've been done.

So what other info should I try and get to try and make it easier for you guys to help and give advice besides downsizing or getting another job.

i dont really think any info will get more or better responses... maybe how much the current mortgage is for, since you seem to think its under 200k originally. if the house is worth 400k and you owe less than 200k on it, your mom could refinance and maybe lower the payments, since the current payment was modeled on the higher amount owed. getting a job to help was another biggie, so was renting out a room. youve pretty much heard all the options, unless youre waiting for some white knight to swoop in here and take care of everything for nothing.

 

[DrPizza]

I've thought about it a bit. If together, your parents made about 80k, and your mother makes more than your father, there's almost no way your father could have had the loan out in his name only. Your mother had to know what was going on all along.

 

[The_Dude8]

Originally posted by: tfinch2
If your mom is making less than 80k a year, she should not be purchasing a house that costs 250-300k.

if you live in southern CA, and making around $40k, can't afford a house that range from $250K - 300k. 3x your annual salary, that would be $120K, i don't think there are houses or even condos selling for the $120K range in Southern CA.

 

[geokilla]

Originally posted by: DrPizza
I've thought about it a bit. If together, your parents made about 80k, and your mother makes more than your father, there's almost no way your father could have had the loan out in his name only. Your mother had to know what was going on all along.

My mom makes a tad more than my dad. Currently, my mom's salary is like $50,000 CAD. Before, it was around like $45k. She got a raise, and she got a new job like a year ago, so I guess that 80k was actually suppose to be 90k. Sorry bout that guys.

Originally posted by: The_Dude8

Originally posted by: tfinch2
If your mom is making less than 80k a year, she should not be purchasing a house that costs 250-300k.

if you live in southern CA, and making around $40k, can't afford a house that range from $250K - 300k. 3x your annual salary, that would be $120K, i don't think there are houses or even condos selling for the $120K range in Southern CA.

We live in Toronto, Canada. I think I said that in one of my posts.

 

[DrPizza]

That's about what I figured. But, on 40k, a bank wasn't going to finance a home in that price range for your father.


Anway, enough on that perspective of the problem. The solution is more important. Depending on what your basement is like, and the location within Toronto, having someone rent a room in the basement might be actually help enough to make a difference between staying and moving.

I say that under the assumption that the mortgage principle is in the 200k ballpark. It's entirely possible that your father took a loan against the actual value of the home, resulting in owing 400k to the principle. If that's the case, then a housemate isn't going to help.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Sounds like he refinanced a couple times which is why you have no equity.

Either way, this is life. You can't help what your parents do. Sounds like they made a miserable financial situation for themselves. As others have said, learn from their mistakes. THAT'S what you get from this. There's no do overs. No magic wands. Your mom is probably going to be living in a crappy apartment in a bad part of town the rest of her life. Accept that.

And move the hell out as soon as you can before you end up 25 and with nothing to show for yourself because you've been helping your mother tread water financially to delay the inevitable. I've seen this so many times. Put yourself through college. Get a good job after school. If things go well, then you put her up in a nice little cottage somewhere. But, at the very least, you won't be passing this burden down to YOUR kids because you have no home because you tried to save your mom.

 

[geokilla]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor
Sounds like he refinanced a couple times which is why you have no equity.

Either way, this is life. You can't help what your parents do. Sounds like they made a miserable financial situation for themselves. As others have said, learn from their mistakes. THAT'S what you get from this. There's no do overs. No magic wands. Your mom is probably going to be living in a crappy apartment in a bad part of town the rest of her life. Accept that.

And move the hell out as soon as you can before you end up 25 and with nothing to show for yourself because you've been helping your mother tread water financially to delay the inevitable. I've seen this so many times. Put yourself through college. Get a good job after school. If things go well, then you put her up in a nice little cottage somewhere. But, at the very least, you won't be passing this burden down to YOUR kids because you have no home because you tried to save your mom.

Kennedy and Finch is not a bad part of town. Lol and I'm gonna live with her, and same with my sister. Hell no will I live with the bastard (yes I swear but I don't like saying s3x. I'm pure?).

 

[JackMDS]

Originally posted by: geokilla
You know what. Posting was a bad idea. .

You are right. 🙁

In order to help a person needs to know in and out everything that involves the real financial situation, tax laws, marital legalities, are familiar with the specific geographical location, cultural habits etc. So in reality No one can directly help you on any online forum.

Try to talk to the school counselor, being familiar with your local financial and cultural habits he/she might e able to help better than anybody here can.

Here people can Not help, they can be sympathetic, or downright cruel.

The few that choose the cruel venue are not going to make you or anyone else happy. :thumbsdown:

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: JackMDS

Originally posted by: geokilla
You know what. Posting was a bad idea. .

You are right. 🙁

In order to help a person needs to know in and out everything that involves the real financial situation, tax laws, marital legalities, are familiar with the specific geographical location, cultural habits etc. So in reality No one can directly help you on any online forum.

Try to talk to the school counselor, being familiar with your local financial and cultural habits he/she might e able to help better than anybody here can.

Here people can Not help, they can be sympathetic, or downright cruel.

The few that choose the cruel venue are not going to make you or anyone else happy. :thumbsdown:

yeah since life is so fricken rosey and nice.

we gave him the best advice he is going to get. then point out his story does not make sense.

plus we are not trying to make him happy. his parents fucked up and there is nothing he can do about it.