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My cat keeps peeing on me...

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As others have stated, get kitty checked out by a vet. Barring that, is there any reason the cat might have to be upset with you? Environmental changes, food changes, etc?
 
Both GF and cat? I'm tempted to call shens, but it's not appropriate for two reasons: you might be telling the truth; and I don't think we can use shens anymore with the new software - it just feels wrong. We need a new word...
 
Some details..

He is male, he is not fixed. There are about 5-6 stray cats just outside our condo. Front porch is screened in. He will lay out there whining like a little bitch for hours... usually trying to play with the other cats through the screen.

Both times, he marched in from the front porch like he was pissed off and did his duty.
 
Your cat has assumed the stance of dominance. You must reclaim the stance of dominance, or your clothes will never again be pee-free.
 
Some details..

He is male, he is not fixed. There are about 5-6 stray cats just outside our condo. Front porch is screened in. He will lay out there whining like a little bitch for hours... usually trying to play with the other cats through the screen.

Both times, he marched in from the front porch like he was pissed off and did his duty.

Could be behavioral then. If the cat sees strays wandering his turf and he can't act out to establish his dominance, he might be spraying you to mark his territory. There are ways to alleviate this. Still, you probably should consult with a vet if the behavior is totally new despite no change in the presence of strays.
 
usually cat pees where there used to be piss. hmmm check youself or your clothing?
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Cats can 'mark' with their scent gland rgeardless of their reproductive status.
Marking can occur for a variety of reasons not the least being territorial or anxiety with a new arrival, human or pet.
My female, Ginger, used to just shake her tail, nothing coming out, whenever she would get excited. Now that she's lived at our new place and seen Sammy do his front paw stand and spray routine, she's now squirting outside on plants from time to time.
You may need to get a spray bottle and keep it handy. Give her a blast when she's getting in position, and re-direct that thought.
Oh, and some Odor Neutralizer will help avoid re-spraying a certain area.
 
You may need to get a spray bottle and keep it handy. Give her a blast when she's getting in position, and re-direct that thought.

That probably isn't an ideal solution, because the cat might continue doing it when he's not around and then he'll have to be on the constant blacklight prowl for urine in the house.
 
I think the bigger issue is what is it about you that invites significant relationships in your life (girlfriend, pet) to urinate on you? Cause I'm pretty sure that's not normal.

In the meantime, man up and piss on the cat. That'll show 'em!
 
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