I inherited a cat awhile back.
As per the standard Pet-Owner agreement, I provide the cat with:
-Food
-Shelter
-Water
-Medical care
-Petting and a lap upon which she may sit
Her obligations as Pet are to provide:
-Companionship
-Pleasantness
She has not fufilled either of these obligations; rather, she causes:
-Misery
-Annoyance
-Irritation
-Exasperation
Due predominantly to the following behaviors:
-Constant meowing in a high pitched and aurally unpleasant manner in the extreme
-Excessive shedding and a failure to properly self-groom, resulting in masses of cat hair around the house
-A constant and absolute unwillingness to move herself from my path regardless of my speed or urgency
- A general ill-manner and unmistakable rudeness in tone of the aforementioned chronic "meowing"
- A tendency to await me each morning outside the door of my room with a set of demands such as "going outside," "wanting a treat," "wanting to be petted," voiced in the aforementioned way, causing extreme unpleasantness in the early hour
- A habit of puking on the carpet
- Weight gain, which combined with her unwillingness to properly self-groom, results in much visual offense
Therefore, given that the breach of the generally understood agreement of mutual benefits that should exist between owner and pet, I hereby decide that I have the right to terminate this relationship with extreme prejudice and ship the cat elsewhere.
Yes/No?
As per the standard Pet-Owner agreement, I provide the cat with:
-Food
-Shelter
-Water
-Medical care
-Petting and a lap upon which she may sit
Her obligations as Pet are to provide:
-Companionship
-Pleasantness
She has not fufilled either of these obligations; rather, she causes:
-Misery
-Annoyance
-Irritation
-Exasperation
Due predominantly to the following behaviors:
-Constant meowing in a high pitched and aurally unpleasant manner in the extreme
-Excessive shedding and a failure to properly self-groom, resulting in masses of cat hair around the house
-A constant and absolute unwillingness to move herself from my path regardless of my speed or urgency
- A general ill-manner and unmistakable rudeness in tone of the aforementioned chronic "meowing"
- A tendency to await me each morning outside the door of my room with a set of demands such as "going outside," "wanting a treat," "wanting to be petted," voiced in the aforementioned way, causing extreme unpleasantness in the early hour
- A habit of puking on the carpet
- Weight gain, which combined with her unwillingness to properly self-groom, results in much visual offense
Therefore, given that the breach of the generally understood agreement of mutual benefits that should exist between owner and pet, I hereby decide that I have the right to terminate this relationship with extreme prejudice and ship the cat elsewhere.
Yes/No?
That being said, I like cats. 
Facebook
Twitter