My 22yr old Brother is a Loser and a Bum

Tommy2000GT

Golden Member
Jun 19, 2000
1,832
3
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After he finished high school, he went to college like normal people. However he quit college after going for a month and had no motivation to look for a job.

So basically he stayed at home all day to sleep, eat, watch tv, internet. My mom kept pushing him to either go to school or find a job, but he does not listen and just tells her to STFU.

Then my mom asked me to help find him a job so I did. I got him a job as an office assistant. I talked to my boss who basically handed my brother the job because he wanted to do me a favor since he liked me. However things did not go so well. When he went to work, he would not comb his hair or brush his teeth and wore baggy high school kid clothes. Mind you this is an OFFICE environment where everyone dresses professionally. Of course I talked to him about it but he just ignored me. He was quite lazy at his job too. He barely did any work and just surfed the internet and kept eating snacks the whole day. Things that should have taken him an hour to do, took him like 2 or 3 days. After about 2 months, they wanted to fire him. I talked my boss into giving my brother another chance and he did. So I warned my brother that he better get his act together because this is your final shot. He has that "you can't tell me want to do attitude" so he did not listen. He still continued to be a lazy and not caring so eventuallly he got fired about a month ago. I did not even try to talk my boss out of it becuase I felt he was reasonable for giving my brother 4 EXTRA MONTHS to get his act together. So he is back at home again being a useless bum and not looking for a job or doing anything with his life.

He is also disrespectful and yells at my mom all the time for no reason. Like when my mom would bring him food while he is watching TV on the couch, he would yell at her to GTFO because he is not hungry. :| And he acts like he is entitled to everything. Since he can't afford to buy a car, he takes my mom's car, even when she needs it to get to work.

I think my brother is a lost cause. He is 22yrs old acts like a freaking loser. I told my mom to just kick him out but she doesn't want to do it because she is afraid he might retaliate.
 

daveymark

Lifer
Sep 15, 2003
10,573
1
0
Sometimes you have to let them hit the bottom before they're willing to come back up on their own. No amount of pushing is going to help at this point.

Parents need to kick him out of the house.
 

Ronstang

Lifer
Jul 8, 2000
12,493
18
81
Tigers eat their young for a reason. Your mom can't do that so she needs to cut him loose and let a little reality test his survival skills. Free rides reinforce bad behavior.
 

RadioHead84

Platinum Member
Jan 8, 2004
2,166
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He will never leave unless your mom tells him to get out, if he won't get out and she is scared call the cops.

My parents love me to death and I love them too but if I graduated college, sat around, and never looked for a job they would kick me out too. My parents would let me stay if I was looking for another job or fell on hard times of course but letting your kid do that is only asking for trouble in the future in my opinion. I understand it must be hard though, Ive never had a kid and I imgine its hard to kick one out.
 

miri

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2003
3,679
0
76
It is your mom's fault for letting him continue to leech off her as he should have been kicked out of the house long ago.

He will most likely continue this kind of behavior because he gets away with it

What incentive does he have to earn his own keep if he can continue to leech?
 

Tommy2000GT

Golden Member
Jun 19, 2000
1,832
3
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Originally posted by: miri
It is your mom's fault for letting him continue to leech off her as he should have been kicked out of the house long ago.

He will most likely continue this kind of behavior because he gets away with it

What incentive does he have to earn his own keep if he can continue to leech?


i talked to my mom about kicking him out but she doesn't want to do it. hopefully she will eventually after putting up with all his BS.
 

miri

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2003
3,679
0
76
Originally posted by: Tommy2000GT
i talked to my mom about kicking him out but she doesn't want to do it. hopefully she will eventually after putting up with all his BS.

She is only hurting him even more by continuing to let him continue this behavior. She needs to look at the big picture and realize that he is no longer a kid but a grown man.

 

RadioHead84

Platinum Member
Jan 8, 2004
2,166
0
0
Originally posted by: Tommy2000GT
Originally posted by: miri
It is your mom's fault for letting him continue to leech off her as he should have been kicked out of the house long ago.

He will most likely continue this kind of behavior because he gets away with it

What incentive does he have to earn his own keep if he can continue to leech?


i talked to my mom about kicking him out but she doesn't want to do it. hopefully she will eventually after putting up with all his BS.

I could understand maybe her not kicking him out if he was nice and still her little baby...but he is being an ass....kick him out.
 

amish

Diamond Member
Aug 20, 2004
4,295
6
81
sick an army recruiter on his ass. either the recruiter will get him to join and the army will give him discipline or the recruiter will annoy him so much that he will get off his ass.
 

michaels

Banned
Nov 30, 2005
4,329
0
0
Your mom deserves what she gets, no sense in worrying about it. They are both adults and this is what they wanna do..meh.
 

Tommy2000GT

Golden Member
Jun 19, 2000
1,832
3
81
Originally posted by: jinduy
does ur bro do drugs?

i'm not sure. but he gets drunk all the time since his buddies keep giving him liquor. this is one reason my mom is afraid to kick him out because he will get drunk and come back and may do something bad
 

miri

Diamond Member
Jun 16, 2003
3,679
0
76
Originally posted by: Tommy2000GT
Originally posted by: jinduy
does ur bro do drugs?

i'm not sure. but he gets drunk all the time since his buddies keep giving him liquor. this is one reason my mom is afraid to kick him out because he will get drunk and come back and may do something bad

I see, that is indeed sad that your brother might be capable of doing something bad in retaliation if he was kicked out.

Not sure what to do then.
 

Aimster

Lifer
Jan 5, 2003
16,129
2
0
my 22 year old brother works at starbucks and doesn't go to school. Lives at home at my parent's house with his girlfriend who also doesn't go to school. She works at a vet's office.

My brother was going to community college. I think he finished it. He decided not to apply for universities "yet". I think he did it for the girl.

My parents don't say squat. He even slapped my dad in the face recently. My dad just ignores him now. My parents are too nice. Afraid if they kick him out he'll go do drugs so they let him and his "wife" stay there freee.

I dunno, but where I come from school is important. If you aren't going to school that's fine as long as you are on your 'own'.
 

Pacfanweb

Lifer
Jan 2, 2000
13,155
59
91
It's your mom's fault.

Same thing happened with my brother....except he never finished HS, never really worked a real job, alternated living with my mom, and both my grandmas. Nobody would ever boot him out and let him hit rock bottom or swim.

So skip forward to today....he'll be 39 this month. My grandma died 3 years ago and left her house and lot to us. We just sold it this February.....did he buy himself a place to stay? No, he went back on a cocaine binge with his sorry ass, useless loser "friends".
He's pissed away over 60k since February....and all he has to show for it is a 95 4Runner. Won't go see his daughter, who has been raised since 12 weeks old by first my grandma, now my mom. Has never even begun to be a father to her. (her mother is about as useless)

I won't be surprised to read about him being killed by some crackhead any day now.

That's what your brother has to look forward to if someone doesn't stop supporting him.
 

Tommy2000GT

Golden Member
Jun 19, 2000
1,832
3
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Originally posted by: michaels
Your mom deserves what she gets, no sense in worrying about it. They are both adults and this is what they wanna do..meh.

yeah but I can't help it to be pissed off when he treats my mom with disrespect like that. And I don't want to get physical with my brother because I shoved him at the wall before for yelling at my mom and she flipped out on me. Usually I don't get physical and it takes a lot to get me angry.
 

Pacfanweb

Lifer
Jan 2, 2000
13,155
59
91
Originally posted by: Aimster
my 22 year old brother works at starbucks and doesn't go to school. Lives at home at my parent's house with his girlfriend who also doesn't go to school. She works at a vet's office.

My brother was going to community college. I think he finished it. He decided not to apply for universities "yet". I think he did it for the girl.

My parents don't say squat. He even slapped my dad in the face recently. My dad just ignores him now. My parents are too nice. Afraid if they kick him out he'll go do drugs so they let him and his "wife" stay there freee.

I dunno, but where I come from school is important. If you aren't going to school that's fine as long as you are on your 'own'.
Didn't your brother come from the same place as you did?
 

BUTCH1

Lifer
Jul 15, 2000
20,433
1,769
126
A) you should personally beat the crap out of him for disrespecting YOUR mom
B) Mom should give him the boot and fast, file a restraining order on him if needed.
C) slug brother will have to get a job after B or live in a van down by the river..
 

Aimster

Lifer
Jan 5, 2003
16,129
2
0
Originally posted by: Pacfanweb
Originally posted by: Aimster
my 22 year old brother works at starbucks and doesn't go to school. Lives at home at my parent's house with his girlfriend who also doesn't go to school. She works at a vet's office.

My brother was going to community college. I think he finished it. He decided not to apply for universities "yet". I think he did it for the girl.

My parents don't say squat. He even slapped my dad in the face recently. My dad just ignores him now. My parents are too nice. Afraid if they kick him out he'll go do drugs so they let him and his "wife" stay there freee.

I dunno, but where I come from school is important. If you aren't going to school that's fine as long as you are on your 'own'.
Didn't your brother come from the same place as you did?

I was just saying that because I know some members in here don't go to school. I didn't want to make it seem like I was saying not going to school makes you a loser.