Most important person in my life doesn't want to talk to me.

[thepd7]

Originally posted by: yowolabi
I was going to write something about what a true friend would do.

Then I realized there a strong possibility that the girl they want you to stop seeing is the knife-wielding one from the other thread. If that's the case, everyone in your life is justified for what they're doing.

That female is horrible for you, and you shouldn't be associating with her. It's painful for even me to see you get dragged down with this girl, and I barely know you. You don't realize how hard it must be for these people to see that this girl is going to ruin you, warn you about her, and watch you ignore their advice despite all evidence that they're right. It's about the same as watching a loved one abuse drugs and alcohol with no sign of trying to stop. I don't blame anyone for turning their back and not wanting to watch. Also it sounds like you might actually have an alcohol problem.

The responsibilities of friendship go both ways. A friend has the responsibility to be there for you, you have a counter responsibility to not screw yourself up so bad that you're over-burdening the friend who cares about you the most. It sounds like you may have violated your responsibility first.

PS. If the girl who you're with is a different girl who's an upstanding citizen, hasn't stabbed anyone, doesn't abuse drugs or alcohol, and doesn't have a psycho ex-boyfriend..... all of my post may not apply.

I think you hit it on the head...OP, drop this girl. There are only 2 things that could possibly be happening here:
1. Your best friend really is your best friend and she can't stand to watch your gf ruin your life as the poster I stated says.

2. Your "best friend" wants to be your gf. Since you seem to think this isn't the case, see #1.

 

[eakers]

Originally posted by: BillyBatson
My best friend and i have been on rocky ground lately due to a lot of stuff. We had a talk where she lectured me for 3 hours about the way i have been and decisions i have recently made. She asked me to seek counceling. That was 3 weeks ago and i wrote her an email 2 nights ago about a lot of stuff that has been going on since then and responded to some of the stufff she has told me.
Tonight she calls me up to talk about stuff and it did not go well. She's upset at me, thinks i need help, says she has less respect for me now and doesn't know who i am anymore and the person i am she can't be friends with. Said that she can't stand around and see me like this anymore so she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. She said if i seek help, get better, less depressed, get a job, do well in school, fix my relationship with my mom and sis, and perhaps stop dating the person i have been, then maybe down the line we could be friends again. i did cry. I don't see where she is coming from. 2 hours on the phone and we hung up. Told me she wouldn't delete me from myspace and i know where to find her (though she has removed me from her top 8, use to be #3). She told me she loves me and only wants to see me better.

I have never been so depressed in my life.
i'm not here asking for sympathy, i just don't know who else to talk to she is the one i would normally go to to talk or for comfort and advice.

-cliffs-

-best friend and i have been on rocky ground
-talked to me 3 weeks ago about how she thinks i need to see help
-she thinks i am depressed and hates it
-dislikes who i am dating and would like me to stop seeing them
-told me we shouldn't talk anymore
-if i see help, fix things with fam, job, school, and stop dating who i am, we might be able to be friends down the line
-me=more depressed than ever

she is in love with you and is upset you pay more attention to someone else than to her. she is taking away her friendship from you to try to hurt you and to get you to pick her over your SO.

it is probabley best if you don't talk to her anymore.

 

[Xstatic1]

Since ATOT is predominantly male, here's a female pt of view:

Your best friend is likely tired of hearing your same ol' story about what's going on in your life....and how you're not doing anything constructive to resolve it. Now, there are things you can't or couldn't have controlled which have probably taken a toll on you: your grandma passing away, your sis needing surgery, etc. Have you even begun to address any of the other issues that YOU can control? Let's look at each one individually:

- You're in debt...and sounds like you don't have a job. So, are you going to try & look for a job so you can minimize your debts...or do you plan on declaring bankruptcy?

- The person you're dating...you obviously went after her for a reason, but your mom, sis & your best friend don't like her. Is there a good reason why they feel the way they do?

- School...are you even trying to get good/decent grades? If you aren't really "into" school right now, would you rather be working doing something else like working full-time?

- Relationships with your mom & sis - I think you mentioned that you suspect most of the friction is because of the person you're dating. Are there any other factors? Have you considered that just maybe they, like your best friend, may not seeing you in a funk as well?

Stuff to think about. Hopefully you'll have done SOMETHING about at least of the above before your appointment with a counselor. Good luck!

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: eakers

Originally posted by: BillyBatson
My best friend and i have been on rocky ground lately due to a lot of stuff. We had a talk where she lectured me for 3 hours about the way i have been and decisions i have recently made. She asked me to seek counceling. That was 3 weeks ago and i wrote her an email 2 nights ago about a lot of stuff that has been going on since then and responded to some of the stufff she has told me.
Tonight she calls me up to talk about stuff and it did not go well. She's upset at me, thinks i need help, says she has less respect for me now and doesn't know who i am anymore and the person i am she can't be friends with. Said that she can't stand around and see me like this anymore so she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. She said if i seek help, get better, less depressed, get a job, do well in school, fix my relationship with my mom and sis, and perhaps stop dating the person i have been, then maybe down the line we could be friends again. i did cry. I don't see where she is coming from. 2 hours on the phone and we hung up. Told me she wouldn't delete me from myspace and i know where to find her (though she has removed me from her top 8, use to be #3). She told me she loves me and only wants to see me better.

I have never been so depressed in my life.
i'm not here asking for sympathy, i just don't know who else to talk to she is the one i would normally go to to talk or for comfort and advice.

-cliffs-

-best friend and i have been on rocky ground
-talked to me 3 weeks ago about how she thinks i need to see help
-she thinks i am depressed and hates it
-dislikes who i am dating and would like me to stop seeing them
-told me we shouldn't talk anymore
-if i see help, fix things with fam, job, school, and stop dating who i am, we might be able to be friends down the line
-me=more depressed than ever

she is in love with you and is upset you pay more attention to someone else than to her. she is taking away her friendship from you to try to hurt you and to get you to pick her over your SO.

it is probabley best if you don't talk to her anymore.

this really isn't the case! lol she has a BF that she is in love with, and has brought up the topic of me possibly still being in love with her because that is not what she want and she always says that if i am in love with ehr than we can't be friends anymore ever lol so no this is not the case

 

[So]

Originally posted by: dug777
i don't really know what to say...it amazes me what complicated and melodramatic lives some of you kids lead

QFMFT

 

[Miramonti]

She sounds extremely serious and is probably extremely right, atleast where it counts most. Respect her. Respect yourself. Get your sh!t together before things get worse, because they will if you don't.

 

[lokiju]

Would you care for some cheese?

 

[kamikaze27]

She will speak to you again after you sort yourself out. You may have some strange ways of sharing your problems with her, and she may be experiencing an overload. Does she have her own problems?

 

[aidanjm]

you seem like a very emotional guy, which is attractive.

 

[Injury]

Tell her you apprciate your concern, but this train has left, the brakes are busted, and if she sees a nice clearing she's welcome to jump... just don't hurt herself. She chose to get on the train and get involved. Not your fault. There are always going to be other people in your life.

 

[Lithium381]

Take a deep breath.....life isnt' over. Everyone makes decisions, everyone makes mistakes...depends on your perspective. Respect her decision first of all...figure out what's "wrong" from your perspective, and hers, and fix it. If you need help, seek it. Take a step back and be realistic about your situation, then take one step forward in the right direction...we may seem like a bunch of dicks around here, some of us are, some aren't, but if you need to throw down some thoughts, i'm online most of the time....good luck!

 

[randay]

Originally posted by: cherrytwist
cliffs:

female friend isn't getting attention she needs
she's decided to move on
OP is upset and confused because she's attempting to manipulate him and he doesn't see through it

I can see this being 100% true, and honestly, I can't tell whether its better if it is or isn't. My advice is to cut your hair and stop being such a wuss.

 

[AlienCraft]

She's jealous.
RUNNNNN !

 

[JM Aggie08]

my experience in this is to just talk to people. dont shut yourself up from the world, and as swell of a place ATOT is, go hang out with people outside. being with the people you care about most, and i know you have more than just one, makes no matter what your doing great.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: aidanjm
you seem like a very emotional guy, which is attractive.

are you hitting on me?!

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: BillyBatson

Originally posted by: aidanjm
you seem like a very emotional guy, which is attractive.

are you hitting on me?!

 

[db]

Is one of your parents pessimistic, negative, critical, angry or depressed?
Is one of them controlling?

 

[KK]

Originally posted by: So

Originally posted by: dug777
i don't really know what to say...it amazes me what complicated and melodramatic lives some of you kids lead

QFMFT

 

[MichaelD]

Life always hits you all at once. Without getting into specifics (we'd be here all day!), I've been there. Briefly:

Grandma - sorry she passed, but not your fault
Sister - sorry she got an ovarian cyst, but not your fault

Yes; those two things made you sad/upset/worried, and on top of the other crap in your life, it just pushed your head further into the quicksand. But snap out of it and "erase" those two things, OK?


You're in debt and unemployed - that's the biggest problem, right there. Obviously, no job means no money which means no bills get paid. I don't know if you live alone and are in danger of being homeless...that would be one hell of a stressor. If you're living with someone (mom/friends/wherever) and you won't be homeless, don't worry about the bills for now and GET A JOB. ANY job. Even McDonalds will pay the bills. Years ago, I worked the midnight shift at Dunkin Doughnuts.

I'd get home from main job at about 5:00PM. Eat, sleep until 11:00, go make doughnuts and wash dishes until 6:00AM, go home, shower and go to Job #1. Did that for about 6 months.

You do what you've got to.

Don't know the background on the probs w/your Mom. Some relationships cannot be healed. I left home at 18 b/c of my controlling, abusive and bassackwards thinking father.

When I was 27, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's and dementia. He slowly got worse and worse, wound up in a hospice and died a horrible death just last year.

We never did reconcile, though I did speak to him a few times before he became a complete vegetable.

I don't feel bad, either. I do have a good relationship with mom though. So I understand the parent thing.

Crap...I got into detail. Sorry.

Anyway, if you just want to chat or whatever, PM me.

ps
Re: Your best friend: If you retain her friendship, great. If not, it wasn't meant to be. I don't associate with any of the people I used to associate with say, 15 years ago. Don't know where they are; don't care either.

 

[BillyBatson]

Originally posted by: db
Is one of your parents pessimistic, negative, critical, angry or depressed?
Is one of them controlling?

my dad is controlling, umm as for my mom i dunno she is def not negative, critical, or angry, but there is a chance she is depressed because she has recently started taking anti-anxiety meds i think to calm her and help her sleep but i dunnop
why?

 

[BillyBatson]

update.