http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2004/08/14/gijoe/index_np.html
>
>Originally Posted by By Dan Kois
>Aug. 14, 2004 | WASHINGTON -- As G.I. Joe, the leader of America's
>daring, highly trained special missions force, celebrates his 40th
>anniversary this summer, a group of veterans has aired television
>advertisements attacking his military record. The ads, purchased by G.I.
>Joe Veterans for Truth, accuse Joe of lying about his war record and
>letting villains escape throughout the 1985-86 war against Cobra, Destro
>and the forces of evil.
>
>In one 60-second ad, veterans of the two-year-long, completely televised
>war -- in which every weekday afternoon American troops fought Cobra, a
>ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world -- speak
>out about G.I. Joe. "I served with G.I. Joe," says one veteran, Thomas
>Ross. "G.I. Joe is no real American hero."
>
>In interviews yesterday arranged by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth, a
>nonprofit arm of a little-known think tank called Serpentine
>Enterprises, the veterans -- low-level G.I. Joe foot soldiers, all
>code-named "grunts" -- were unanimous in describing Joe as an
>incompetent leader unfit for command and not worthy of honor. Rogers, a
>blue laser gunner 1st class, described the ordeal he was put through
>during the celebrated incident in which the entire male leadership of
>the Joe team was hypnotized by the Baroness and her Conch of the Sirens.
>
>
>"Our entire platoon was ordered to attack Cobra base just to free all
>these addlepated G.I. Joes," Robertson said. "We risked our lives to
>save the Joes -- not the other way around." During the pitched battle,
>Robertson disarmed and captured three Cobra soldiers by shooting a
>nearby tree with his blue laser gun, causing the tree to fall on the
>enemy, trapping them. "I was dodging red lasers left and right,"
>Robertson added. "G.I. Joe said he'll fight for freedom wherever there's
>trouble. That was a lie."
>
>Another veteran, G.I. Joe Air Combat pilot Matthew Albers, noted that
>his squad was called in as air support when G.I. Joe allowed Cobra to
>take over Fort Knox. "This Zartan fellow disguised himself as the
>general in charge of the fort," Albers said, "and G.I. Joe was
>completely fooled. We had to scramble a dozen planes to attack a United
>States Army base, just because Joe couldn't see through a dime-store
>mask."
>
>Albers' F-14 was shot down by a Cobra red laser cannon; the pilot and
>co-pilot had only seconds to eject and parachute to safety before the
>plane exploded. "Luckily," said Albers, "we escaped with only minor
>injuries."
>
>His eyes misted up as he recalled the carnage that terrible day. "Eleven
>American soldiers suffered minor injuries at Fort Knox," he said. "Was
>it worth it?"
>
>After G.I. Joe retook Fort Knox, Albers added, every major Cobra officer
>escaped, including Zartan, Buzzer, Maj. Bludd, and Cobra Commander.
>"Didn't catch a one. We heard them cursing Joe's name, but they drove
>away in a Hiss tank. Is that never giving up or staying till the fight's
>won?" he asked. "No, it isn't."
>
>In a press conference today, the public faces of G.I. Joe -- Hawk, Lady
>Jaye, Flint and Sgt. Slaughter -- assembled outside G.I. Joe
>headquarters. They were flanked by much of the Joe team, including the
>mysterious ninja Storm Shadow, silent and brooding, and the Native
>American tracker Spirit, feeding mice to his eagle Freedom in a
>dignified manner. (Joe himself resides in seclusion; the few glimpses
>the public has been offered suggest he is a giant of a man, up to four
>times as tall as the rest of his soldiers.)
>
>"None of the grunts were present for G.I. Joe organizational meetings,"
>Flint said. "We're grateful to them for all they've done for our
>country, but they simply don't understand the tough choices G.I. Joe has
>had to make to keep America safe over the past 40 years. He kept Cobra
>Commander from carving his face on the moon with a giant laser. He shut
>down Destro's Texas dude ranch. He stopped the Crimson Guard from
>replacing all the world's money with Cobra currency. G.I. Joe was
>there."
>
>Asked about the number of times G.I. Joe let major international
>terrorists escape, Flint scoffed. "Let them escape? No way. These guys
>have escape plans, jet packs, submarines constantly at the ready. We're
>just trying to foil their plans while keeping all our men safe. That's
>why the 1985-86 Cobra war was the only war ever fought by U.S. troops in
>which no American or enemy soldiers died."
>
>Flint stepped back as Sgt. Slaughter took the microphone, shouting that
>two of the veterans in the TV ad bought by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth
>were obviously Crimson Commander twins Tomax and Xamot in disguise. Lady
>Jaye came to the microphone and gently dismissed Slaughter's accusation.
>"We are, however, worried that the ads might be secretly funded by
>Cobra," Jaye added. "You reporters should remember that politically
>motivated advertisements aren't always what they seem. Often, back in
>the shadows, the people pulling the strings might not be interested in
>telling the truth."
>
>The reporters at the press conference, surprised, smiled and clapped
>each other on the back. "Now we know," said Rick Atkinson, a
>correspondent for the Washington Post.
>
>Originally Posted by By Dan Kois
>Aug. 14, 2004 | WASHINGTON -- As G.I. Joe, the leader of America's
>daring, highly trained special missions force, celebrates his 40th
>anniversary this summer, a group of veterans has aired television
>advertisements attacking his military record. The ads, purchased by G.I.
>Joe Veterans for Truth, accuse Joe of lying about his war record and
>letting villains escape throughout the 1985-86 war against Cobra, Destro
>and the forces of evil.
>
>In one 60-second ad, veterans of the two-year-long, completely televised
>war -- in which every weekday afternoon American troops fought Cobra, a
>ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world -- speak
>out about G.I. Joe. "I served with G.I. Joe," says one veteran, Thomas
>Ross. "G.I. Joe is no real American hero."
>
>In interviews yesterday arranged by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth, a
>nonprofit arm of a little-known think tank called Serpentine
>Enterprises, the veterans -- low-level G.I. Joe foot soldiers, all
>code-named "grunts" -- were unanimous in describing Joe as an
>incompetent leader unfit for command and not worthy of honor. Rogers, a
>blue laser gunner 1st class, described the ordeal he was put through
>during the celebrated incident in which the entire male leadership of
>the Joe team was hypnotized by the Baroness and her Conch of the Sirens.
>
>
>"Our entire platoon was ordered to attack Cobra base just to free all
>these addlepated G.I. Joes," Robertson said. "We risked our lives to
>save the Joes -- not the other way around." During the pitched battle,
>Robertson disarmed and captured three Cobra soldiers by shooting a
>nearby tree with his blue laser gun, causing the tree to fall on the
>enemy, trapping them. "I was dodging red lasers left and right,"
>Robertson added. "G.I. Joe said he'll fight for freedom wherever there's
>trouble. That was a lie."
>
>Another veteran, G.I. Joe Air Combat pilot Matthew Albers, noted that
>his squad was called in as air support when G.I. Joe allowed Cobra to
>take over Fort Knox. "This Zartan fellow disguised himself as the
>general in charge of the fort," Albers said, "and G.I. Joe was
>completely fooled. We had to scramble a dozen planes to attack a United
>States Army base, just because Joe couldn't see through a dime-store
>mask."
>
>Albers' F-14 was shot down by a Cobra red laser cannon; the pilot and
>co-pilot had only seconds to eject and parachute to safety before the
>plane exploded. "Luckily," said Albers, "we escaped with only minor
>injuries."
>
>His eyes misted up as he recalled the carnage that terrible day. "Eleven
>American soldiers suffered minor injuries at Fort Knox," he said. "Was
>it worth it?"
>
>After G.I. Joe retook Fort Knox, Albers added, every major Cobra officer
>escaped, including Zartan, Buzzer, Maj. Bludd, and Cobra Commander.
>"Didn't catch a one. We heard them cursing Joe's name, but they drove
>away in a Hiss tank. Is that never giving up or staying till the fight's
>won?" he asked. "No, it isn't."
>
>In a press conference today, the public faces of G.I. Joe -- Hawk, Lady
>Jaye, Flint and Sgt. Slaughter -- assembled outside G.I. Joe
>headquarters. They were flanked by much of the Joe team, including the
>mysterious ninja Storm Shadow, silent and brooding, and the Native
>American tracker Spirit, feeding mice to his eagle Freedom in a
>dignified manner. (Joe himself resides in seclusion; the few glimpses
>the public has been offered suggest he is a giant of a man, up to four
>times as tall as the rest of his soldiers.)
>
>"None of the grunts were present for G.I. Joe organizational meetings,"
>Flint said. "We're grateful to them for all they've done for our
>country, but they simply don't understand the tough choices G.I. Joe has
>had to make to keep America safe over the past 40 years. He kept Cobra
>Commander from carving his face on the moon with a giant laser. He shut
>down Destro's Texas dude ranch. He stopped the Crimson Guard from
>replacing all the world's money with Cobra currency. G.I. Joe was
>there."
>
>Asked about the number of times G.I. Joe let major international
>terrorists escape, Flint scoffed. "Let them escape? No way. These guys
>have escape plans, jet packs, submarines constantly at the ready. We're
>just trying to foil their plans while keeping all our men safe. That's
>why the 1985-86 Cobra war was the only war ever fought by U.S. troops in
>which no American or enemy soldiers died."
>
>Flint stepped back as Sgt. Slaughter took the microphone, shouting that
>two of the veterans in the TV ad bought by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth
>were obviously Crimson Commander twins Tomax and Xamot in disguise. Lady
>Jaye came to the microphone and gently dismissed Slaughter's accusation.
>"We are, however, worried that the ads might be secretly funded by
>Cobra," Jaye added. "You reporters should remember that politically
>motivated advertisements aren't always what they seem. Often, back in
>the shadows, the people pulling the strings might not be interested in
>telling the truth."
>
>The reporters at the press conference, surprised, smiled and clapped
>each other on the back. "Now we know," said Rick Atkinson, a
>correspondent for the Washington Post.
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