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Mitch Hedberg... ++ || --??

"A mini-bar is a machine that makes everything expensive. And when I take something out of the mini-bar I always fathom that I'm going to replace it before they check me off and charge me. But they make that sh!t impossible to replace. I go to the store, "Do you have Coke, in a glass harmonica? Do you individually wrapped cashews."
 
Originally posted by: brigden
"A mini-bar is a machine that makes everything expensive. And when I take something out of the mini-bar I always fathom that I'm going to replace it before they check me off and charge me. But they make that sh!t impossible to replace. I go to the store, "Do you have Coke, in a glass harmonica? Do you individually wrapped cashews."
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"i was gunna get my teeth whitened, but then i said fvck that, and went tanning"

MIKE
 
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
 
His style makes it seem like he would toe the line between hilarious and stupid...but he's consistently funny...

"Don't even act like you didn't buy that donut. I've got the receipt right here"
 
hes ok for about 10 mins, then his style gets pretty dull. he has no stories. its just one liner after one liner. its like a reading a joke book.
 
Originally posted by: b0mbrman
His style makes it seem like he would toe the line between hilarious and stupid...but he's consistently funny...

"Don't even act like you didn't buy that donut. I've got the receipt right here"
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the donut bit is one of my favorites
 
I got to meet Mitch. He is just as funny off stage as he is on stage. Talking to him is like one giant joke.
 
2 of my favorites:


"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two, and if no one answers the'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry. That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

and


My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."
 
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.
 
Originally posted by: PatboyX
mitch hedberg = poor mans stephen wright.
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I dissagree. Stephen Wright has funny jokes along with his all too dry delivery.

Mitch Hedberg has the whole "I'm higher than any one has a right to be, and now your going to listen to me talk for a while" thing going on.

Both funny, both in different ways.
 
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