Missing someone today :(

[Fathom4]

unxpurg8d

(Fathom getting exercise from standing and applauding) Change the female references to male and you have a letter I wrote to my wife about her affair, not that it did any good.

Nice post.

Fathom

The grass is always greener until you have to mow it a few times.

 

[Isla]

Very interesting thread, very wise and compassionate replies.

First, let every single one of you be aware that it could happen to you. Whether or not you remain married has to do with your level of committment to the marriage to begin with.

I know what it is like to love someone who I couldn't be with, someone who I knew well enough to be way past the fantasy. I never imagined he was 'perfect', I just loved his very presence. God knows I have had enough problems with Mr Isla,enough to have made weaker women bail long ago, but what made all the difference is the fact that he is the father of my children. There was a time when I would have been totally justified in divorcing him, but I didn't do it. I had been isolated for so long that I didn't have any friends, and I didn't want to be alone. Looking back, I guess that was a good thing.

Telling the other person of my feelings helped me to move on. It was a relief and I don't regret it. I'm not quite sure what it did or didn't do for him, but I hope he has learned and been blessed by the experience as I have. I have never been able to figure out if he loved me or not, but I have come to grips with that fact that in this lifetime, it doesn't really matter.

I'm not about to judge anyone here. The heart has mysterious ways... love is a strange and beautiful thing. The real issues are about committment, honesty, and willingness to grow together. Mr Isla and I have that, although I have to admit I could sometimes do without the honesty part. I always wanted to be 'the love of someone's life' and instead I am the lifepartner and mother of someone's children. There are no pink fluffy clouds surrounding me or daisy chains at my feet... I have learned that love can be someone taking out the trash when it is his turn to. Love is knowing that someone has washed your underwear, checked the air in your tires, or made your favorite meal. <shrug> Will Mr Isla feel the same things I have felt for someone else? Maybe. I know he has been infatuated several times, but I wasn't just infatuated. If it happens and the kids are grown, I'll let him go. One of two things will happen: He will be happy with 'the love of his life' and I will be happy for him OR B: He will decide/realize that I was the love of his life all along and come back to me. I win either way.

Hmmmmm. That was long and rambling.... Gee, thanks Compuwiz.... I didn't realize I need to get that out.

edit: I guess if this post has a point it is that love is about the little things you do for eachother every day. That is better than anything else, IMHO.

 

[Cable God]

Steve, I am glad you found someone to connect with like that. In this crazy world we live in today,it's hard to find someone like that. I would highly suggest you tell her how you feel, as you may live to regret it if you don't. You never know, you may wind up tormenting youself forever because you didn't and not knowing is the worst part of it in my opinion. I'm not saying run off and leave, I'm just saying &quot;what if&quot; she's the one, and you never gave it time.......

 

[ratkil]

Compuwiz1, lots of people have responded here, so I won't get to verbose. I went through exactly what you are going through now, the only difference being the length of the marriage. Without boring you with the details, I will just share some conclusions I came to.

Every relationship progresses along the route your marriage has. One of my friends at the time had been married numerous times, his main point was they all reached the same level, then he moved on looking for something new and fresh, and it just kept going in those cycles until he realized he was fullfilling the expression &quot;no matter where you go, there you are&quot;

Very few of us get the benefit of dying without having time to reflect back on our life and judge ourselves on what we did and how we did it. In other words you have a long time to live with any decision you make, and those kids will always be there to remind you of those decisions. (one way through occasional visits and pictures on a wall, or the other way when you see them every day. Though that kind of depends on the age of your kids.)

In the end, I decided to leave. It had nothing to with the woman that I had met, a relationship which by the way also ended at that point for all practical purposes. The only guilt I have is for the effect on my son, in all other aspects what I did was for the right reasons and I have never regretted it. I honestly don't know if I would make the same decision again, simply because of my son. I can say, I do not envy you at all in this situation, for whatever decision you make, there will be lingering thoughts of whether it was the best one or not.

 

[Fathom4]

OK, I'm just going to stand and applaude all day long at my desk and let everyone here think I'm an idiot. (that will clear some things up believe me )

At least I know where all the good women are.......out on the 'net.



Isla, unexpurg8d and ChrichtonsGirl wonderful posts. I'm going to go sit in the corner and cry a while.

 

[Isla]

Fathom

Hugs and prayers coming your way....

It will get better, you'll see.



(these threads are killers, aint they???? )

 

[Fathom4]

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