Meh, I think the best time for anyone to be in a relationship (whether it be male or female) is when they realize that they can be perfectly happy being by themselves.
This means they are not actively looking to find the "one" (if there is such a thing). They just let it happen. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't, and you move on until you notice someone else.
That being said, it still stings when you are very attracted to someone, and it isn't reciprocated, but yes, I agree -- there are a lot of people out there that don't think about anything else, but getting an SO. Which is sad. I think that you need to leave a little room/leeway for a little angst, but otherwise, yeah it is sad.
Honestly, though, girls tend to complicate life. Unless I find another girl that I am compatible with, I plan on being happy single. This last time was tough for seperate reason unrelated to this girl though (someone I thought was a lot more upstanding of a guy than he actually is, was doing something pretty f@#$%# up IMO <it made things messy with the girl> ). But yeah, some of these people need to grow up. OP, you have to realize that a lot of the posters now are in their late teens and early 20s and have not had to really grow up. Give them time and a chance to go through hurt and trials that are much tougher than relationships, and that will put things into perspective for them.
This means they are not actively looking to find the "one" (if there is such a thing). They just let it happen. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't, and you move on until you notice someone else.
That being said, it still stings when you are very attracted to someone, and it isn't reciprocated, but yes, I agree -- there are a lot of people out there that don't think about anything else, but getting an SO. Which is sad. I think that you need to leave a little room/leeway for a little angst, but otherwise, yeah it is sad.
Honestly, though, girls tend to complicate life. Unless I find another girl that I am compatible with, I plan on being happy single. This last time was tough for seperate reason unrelated to this girl though (someone I thought was a lot more upstanding of a guy than he actually is, was doing something pretty f@#$%# up IMO <it made things messy with the girl> ). But yeah, some of these people need to grow up. OP, you have to realize that a lot of the posters now are in their late teens and early 20s and have not had to really grow up. Give them time and a chance to go through hurt and trials that are much tougher than relationships, and that will put things into perspective for them.
http://www.seattleweekly.com/2007-02-28/diversions/desperado.php
"Michael is correct?life is not fair. Here we have two lovely men who are making every effort and are still not meeting anyone. (FYI, I never said online dating guaranteed booty!) Michael has the right idea by working toward improving his life. Maybe someone will come along, maybe they won't; there are no guarantees for any of us. But people who are happy and fulfilled on their own make much better partners.
I realize that you want a simple answer, Luke, but there isn't one. I don't know you, nor do I know the kind of women you're pursuing. Maybe you have bad breath and all your problems could be solved with a dental visit. Then again, perhaps you're preppy but only interested in goth chicks. I'm not psychic.
There's no one guaranteed way to get a date anyway. (Though if I could figure that out, I'd be loaded.) My advice is that you quit trying so hard and, for the next couple months, stop thinking about dating. Concentrate on making friends of both genders, consider therapy (it might help sort out the anxiety you must be feeling), and make like Michael and try to turn yourself into the best person you can possibly be.
And yes, I realize how corny and not helpful that sounds, but unfortunately, it happens to be the truth. "
"Michael is correct?life is not fair. Here we have two lovely men who are making every effort and are still not meeting anyone. (FYI, I never said online dating guaranteed booty!) Michael has the right idea by working toward improving his life. Maybe someone will come along, maybe they won't; there are no guarantees for any of us. But people who are happy and fulfilled on their own make much better partners.
I realize that you want a simple answer, Luke, but there isn't one. I don't know you, nor do I know the kind of women you're pursuing. Maybe you have bad breath and all your problems could be solved with a dental visit. Then again, perhaps you're preppy but only interested in goth chicks. I'm not psychic.
There's no one guaranteed way to get a date anyway. (Though if I could figure that out, I'd be loaded.) My advice is that you quit trying so hard and, for the next couple months, stop thinking about dating. Concentrate on making friends of both genders, consider therapy (it might help sort out the anxiety you must be feeling), and make like Michael and try to turn yourself into the best person you can possibly be.
And yes, I realize how corny and not helpful that sounds, but unfortunately, it happens to be the truth. "
SolMiester
Diamond Member
- Dec 19, 2004
- 5,330
- 17
- 76
HeroOfPellinor
Lifer
- Dec 27, 2001
- 11,272
- 1
- 0
I was playing DAoC at the time I joined AT. It was my Vault username and it seemed nonsensical enough to fit in here.
It's not just about connecting. There was something impossibly unique about her. As a Christian, I have one view of how the connection was made, but it's been romanticized through countless cultures and stories because everybody feels it deep down. All I can tell you is that everybody was black and white to me and she was in color. And the fact that she felt the exact same way can't be a coincidence. I was complete before my wife. Had we not got together, I'd have been perfectly fine and gone on to lead a great life alone.
I never suggested you were a mysogynist, just that you're closing off yourself from ever getting truly attached to a woman. It's that deep investment in another person that really is where so many riches of life flow. It's scary. Maybe that's why you tell yourself you should never get too attached. Cause then you can get hurt. If you never care enough about someone that you could have your heart broken then you're only superficially involved.
I think we're better now than we were before....being more vulnerable. makes us appreciate women more. I think you're confusing men now opening up their feelings and hearts with the adolescent social fumblings of the typical YAGT poster. As I said, these guys just fail at life in general......their problems with dependency and insecurity in relationships are just a microcosm of their dependency and insecurity in general.
ColdFusion718
Diamond Member
- Mar 4, 2000
- 3,496
- 9
- 81
I blame the media. Well, actually I don't know what to blame.
The only thing that I have noticed is that the older people (at least in Europe) are so nice and friendly, and they're always so chatter-y: they would like to talk to you every chance they can get, and most of those times it will be a good word as well. You can at least approach those kinds of people. You can't even approach one of these younger people without a swear word coming out of their mouth, or something disgusting to that effect. (When I say older people, I mean people with white hair old...usually 60+)
The only thing that I have noticed is that the older people (at least in Europe) are so nice and friendly, and they're always so chatter-y: they would like to talk to you every chance they can get, and most of those times it will be a good word as well. You can at least approach those kinds of people. You can't even approach one of these younger people without a swear word coming out of their mouth, or something disgusting to that effect. (When I say older people, I mean people with white hair old...usually 60+)
This is true info right here. I'm not even married yet and I find myself asking for permission, calling about curfew, making phone calls while I'm out, etc. However... it comes with the territory. Any woman who is ok if you don't do these things isn't really one to hold onto - I think it's that they want to feel included in every aspect of your life... to love and cherish them and show that you do. You can still do things w/ the guys, but remember that your fiancee/wife is the one you're living with forever - pretty much your lifelong best friend.
TraumaRN
Diamond Member
- Jun 5, 2005
- 6,893
- 63
- 91
Perhaps I'm not aggressive enough. In high school I never had a problem finding a girl to take out but in college it changed. Partially I think it's my fault for not actively pursuing women and hoping they'd come to me, or by using dating sites from time to time. I also never was a partier much because once college started I became so goal and career oriented and finding a woman was always low on that list. And even now with my current job finding someone won't be easy because despite advances from some women my age in the hospital I wont even consider dating someone who works where I work.
It's a complex thing and I don't want to say I've weakened or anything. But honestly, 4 years of college is much easier when all you have to care about is yourself and getting a house and car will be much easier to obtain when I graduate next month when I don't have a woman. *shrug*
It's a complex thing and I don't want to say I've weakened or anything. But honestly, 4 years of college is much easier when all you have to care about is yourself and getting a house and car will be much easier to obtain when I graduate next month when I don't have a woman. *shrug*
sao123
Lifer
- May 27, 2002
- 12,656
- 207
- 106
Define compatibility in bed???
Compatibility is more choice than fate... because if you go around saying...
Choice A (who is everyhting else you want in a partner, except she wont suck, swallow, anal, or whatever) is eliminated...your as much at fault as she is...
Thats complete BS...
relationships are about compromise, not about sex...
a good healthy sex life is not something you can compromise on. you have physical chemistry or you don't.
OP - you didnt write this. If you did right this you paraphrased someone else's work. Please give credit where its due.
Women fall in love, get rejected, get hurt, feel like they have been misused too.
You can stop alot of getting crapped on by:
1. Stop being desparate. If it is not working out with a women let her go. The world will not end. There are alot of women of there. You will meet other women. There is no such thing as the perfect woman. Nobody is perfect. If you are waiting for someone who is perfect you will be waiting a long time. No matter who you meet you will be disapointed in them.
2. Stop being on the make. Women will let you know if they are interested in you. If she gives mixed or confusing signals. Step away from her. Go after women who are interested in you.
3. Do not take not being chosen personally. See 1.
4. Do not confuse looks with personality or sexiness. If you go by looks alone you will always be disapointed in the long run.
5. Do not try to buy her love or affection. Either she loves you or she doesn't.
You can stop alot of getting crapped on by:
1. Stop being desparate. If it is not working out with a women let her go. The world will not end. There are alot of women of there. You will meet other women. There is no such thing as the perfect woman. Nobody is perfect. If you are waiting for someone who is perfect you will be waiting a long time. No matter who you meet you will be disapointed in them.
2. Stop being on the make. Women will let you know if they are interested in you. If she gives mixed or confusing signals. Step away from her. Go after women who are interested in you.
3. Do not take not being chosen personally. See 1.
4. Do not confuse looks with personality or sexiness. If you go by looks alone you will always be disapointed in the long run.
5. Do not try to buy her love or affection. Either she loves you or she doesn't.
Blame pop culture.
Girls expect guys with hormone problems, and guys expect girls who wear 5 lbs of make-up. Both gain a self-defeatist attitude from having never been able to attain such a partner, and in the end the guys suffer since it hurts their role more.
Blame history too. In the past women haven't had the right to do hardly anything. They've gotten sick of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should go back to those days either, but as soon as they were eliminated a sense of self-entitlement develops. It's just a natural reaction: you get something, you want more, and more, and more. If it was just that something there wouldn't be a problem, but it never is just that something. If women had never been put down like that in the past maybe we wouldn't have this problem. All this stuff about being confident/cocky etc are only a subset of a more broad and higher-level problem. Who said everybody's idea of confident was the same?
Girls expect guys with hormone problems, and guys expect girls who wear 5 lbs of make-up. Both gain a self-defeatist attitude from having never been able to attain such a partner, and in the end the guys suffer since it hurts their role more.
Blame history too. In the past women haven't had the right to do hardly anything. They've gotten sick of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should go back to those days either, but as soon as they were eliminated a sense of self-entitlement develops. It's just a natural reaction: you get something, you want more, and more, and more. If it was just that something there wouldn't be a problem, but it never is just that something. If women had never been put down like that in the past maybe we wouldn't have this problem. All this stuff about being confident/cocky etc are only a subset of a more broad and higher-level problem. Who said everybody's idea of confident was the same?
Ok, who did I paraphrase? If you are astute you'll realize the thread title was taken from elsewhere, but I did that purposefully.
And JHeartless is on the right track, definitely inline with my thoughts. I am in no way advocating being single and avoiding women your whole life.
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