Meaningless...

[idNut]

Been having a very hard time getting along lately. I find everything pointless and in vain. Why experience joy or happiness when it will be washed away at our death? All of the pleasure will be forgotten and lost; our meaning lost. All I think is nothing's essential. I can't think about anything else because when I'm trying to concentrate on something that requires thought I just think to myself "None of this will matter when I die. How will I know what goes on?" and madness sweeps over me. To know that my existence is completely futile brings me nothing but sheer misery. I have nothing to take pride in since it will be gone in mere seconds.

I haven't been happy in God knows when. All I've felt is depression and emptiness. Everyone tells me "Hey man, go out and get wasted. Forget about things, you're too sensitive.". That or I get the occasional "You're insane.". I do, in fact, lose touch with reality from time to time; so deep in the thoughts of nothingness that I forget this existence and when I come back I am shocked and confused. I sink in the turmoil because it seems my memory has been erased and then it all comes back at once as if nothing had happened. I told my psychologist about this but he didn't seem to take it as a serious "threat". I believe dysthymia fits my description: persistent depression that has symptoms such as fatigue, low self-esteem, insomnia, and appetite disturbances but is not severe enough to amount to a psychosis.

Don't know what's wrong with me. I seem to envy people and hate them for their happiness. I think I'm corrupt and Satan is playing with me. I seem to have a duel of personalities; one that desires happiness and righteousness and the other which yearns for hatred and misery. The truth is stretched with these "episodes" phasing in and out of me. I am not myself but yet I am. Any opinions would be welcomed but keep it civil, I don't feel like being insulted. I don't even know why I'm posting this. Lost all of my friends and have nowhere to turn.

 

[gopunk]

maybe you should find jesus... or some other religion (just don't come back and try to convert me)

Why experience joy or happiness when it will be washed away at our death?

because joy and happiness are the best options we have. you can either be happy and die or be depressed and die. which one do you choose? i choose the former.

i still think religion is your best hope though. life is meaningful if you believe that god has a plan for you.

 

[Wallydraigle]

Meaninglessness can be very liberating in a way. What a burden having a purpose must be. Embrace your meaninglessness and be free.

 

[yellowperil]

I think you're just feeling strung out...I know the feeling. If possible take some extended time off and do something else, preferably something you enjoy away from where you are. Last year I was living by myself, had issues with money and school, and 3 people I felt close to died. I got really morose, started sleeping all day and became kind of despondent. My last semester of college I only had a few credits left, so I took it slow and this summer I didn't do anything except work part time. I felt much better during the summer. In some respects I wish I could've taken this year off too instead of starting law school, since now my sleep has gone down the sh!tter. I think you just have to go out and get some new experiences.

 

[TheShiz]

you have to find something you enjoy. Society seems to try and tell us when we should feel good and what defines "success." It is all a bunch of garbage though because those things are different for all of us. A major problem I see right now, especially in America is this quest for crap. Everyone has to have more and more things that they don't need. Then one day you realize that things don't make you happy. Also, a lot of the things people spend their time in are pretty worthless also. Say spending a ton of time working a cubicle job in a corporation, in that situation you lose one of the most satisfying things in life, creativity. I'm not saying that listening to music, reading books, or watching movies and such is worthless, but creating something of your own is infinitely more satisfying. So I suggest you find a creative outlet for how you feel and express your feelings, your post here is a start.

Tim

 

You are experiancing the classic symptoms of chemical imbalance in your brain. (Depression)

Go see a doctor.

 

[idNut]

Originally posted by: TheShiz
you have to find something you enjoy. Society seems to try and tell us when we should feel good and what defines "success." It is all a bunch of garbage though because those things are different for all of us. A major problem I see right now, especially in America is this quest for crap. Everyone has to have more and more things that they don't need. Then one day you realize that things don't make you happy. Also, a lot of the things people spend their time in are pretty worthless also. Say spending a ton of time working a cubicle job in a corporation, in that situation you lose one of the most satisfying things in life, creativity. I'm not saying that listening to music, reading books, or watching movies and such is worthless, but creating something of your own is infinitely more satisfying. So I suggest you find a creative outlet for how you feel and express your feelings, your post here is a start.

Tim

Best advice I have ever received. Bless you.

 

[idNut]

Originally posted by: Roger
You are experiancing the classic symptoms of chemical imbalance in your brain. (Depression)

Go see a doctor.

Been on anti-depressants and they don't do anything for me. The problem is, in fact in my heart, not my head.

 

[idNut]

"Hell is the place of those who have denied; They find there what planted and what dug. A Lake of Spaces and a Wood of Nothing, and wonder there and drift, and never cease. Wailing for substance." -W.B. Yeats, The Hour Glass

 

[Ameesh]

I think I'm corrupt and Satan is playing with me.

maybe you should feel honored and joyful that satan is taking such a special interest in you.

 

[ed21x]

read ecclesiastes,

 

[Azraele]

Get some help, see a counselor of some sort.

Hang in there.

 

[element]

Originally posted by: idNut

Originally posted by: Roger
You are experiancing the classic symptoms of chemical imbalance in your brain. (Depression)

Go see a doctor.

Been on anti-depressants and they don't do anything for me. The problem is, in fact in my heart, not my head.

The problemo couldn't be in your heart. That thing just pumps blood around your body. Trust me on this. People who know much more than I about the human body says it is so.

I agree with the post stating you need to find something you enjoy doing. Stop worrying about what life is all about and start doing something to enjoy it while you still have it.

There must be something that has at some point brought you joy. Concentrate on that. Build on it. Spend more free time doing it, without letting the important things slip. And make sure it's not something destructive to you or others also.

 

[TheShiz]

I am glad to help, its nice to see a thoughtful thread in the mess of threads in Off Topic.

Tim

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: idNut

Originally posted by: Roger
You are experiancing the classic symptoms of chemical imbalance in your brain. (Depression)

Go see a doctor.

Been on anti-depressants and they don't do anything for me. The problem is, in fact in my heart, not my head.

How long were you on medications? How many different ones have you tried? What works for some may not for others. I had to go on 5 different regimens before I found one that altered my depressive symptoms.

Also, psychiatrists aren't your only option. Psychologysts have in their repertoire many different alternative therapies to drugs which may prove beneficial to you.

 

[Alphathree33]

At regular intervals, I think a lot like you idNut.

All I can say is this: when it gets really bad, it can get worse. And beyond that, it can get worse still. But over time, the general trend is always for things to get better. On some days that is the only thing that forces me to get up in the morning.

In the weeks after a day like that, I might be doing something simple: playing cards with friends, dancing with a girl, working on a challenging problem. And right then I think to myself, "I'm really glad that I made it through that rough spot. Today is a good day."

The utter futility of life is enough to drive anyone mad. When I enter a new place where I will be spending time, I am often swept away by how I will think about that place in thirty years, the memories I might have, how it might look. And yet I have only just walked in the door for the first time. Upon predicting what might happen, it is easy to lose interest in actually carrying it out.

The strange thing about the universe is that no one could predict such a thing. It is the act of carrying it out, the journey, that matters. Memories are nice, but I can't even remember what I did yesterday. Memories are just echoes. It is the moment that matters. You have to live in the moment, not waste the moment thinking about how that moment will exist in the future.

I'm not sure if you've read any Kurt Vonnegut -- specifically Slaughterhouse Five -- but he says "So it goes." every time someone dies in his book. A lot of people die. It's supposed to build on a theme of numbness; that nothing really matters whether it is death, war, love, etc. Vonnegut really identified with me in that respect. Unfortunately I did not learn from his writing, it just made me more angry with my own life. For months I would think to myself "Go to hell" every time I saw a happy couple together. How pathetic is that? Don't drive yourself into that realm of self pity and hatred.

You speak from a religious standpoint. I am strongly Atheist on most days and slightly Catholic on days when I am really, really in need of someone to help me. From a scientific standpoint, I often think of the universe as a sort of rubber or jello. You can poke it and change it and mould it but eventually it just returns to its original state. It's not really entropy but more of a homogenous order which has slight variations in it. You can create those variations, and you can create variations that you love. They won't exist forever, but neither will anything else. You have to accept that as it is the shared predicament of every human life.

 

[PG]

I sort of feel the same way so you aren't alone. I don't know if I can really help or give any good advice, but I volunteer at a local hospital and it really helps me. Doing things for others is about the only thing that makes me feel good and it makes me feel as if I am making a difference in people's lives, however small a difference it may be.

 

[weezergirl]

First i would suggest you trying to pick up some books to read on the topic. it might give you some insight or a new way of looking at life that you didn't think of yourself. there are many philosophers who have tackled the same questions you are asking.
One that I really enjoyed reading and was a super easy read was "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn.

As a person who is not religious, I sometimes have those same wonders. Why bother living or doing anything when it's all going to end anyways. But really, to me the highs are worth putting up with the lows. In other words, I would rather experience happiness and misery than nothing at all. I just wonder what I would miss out on if I were to just end my life because that's the easy way out. What's the fun in that? And yes, sometimes life sucks but when it's not...it's SO great.
Also, I don't think your life just ends when you die. Something in your life can affect people who live on after you. It's up to you to make your legacy live on. Did all of the great people in history live in vain? And even normal average joes...who you have never heard of could have afffected ONE person and made a difference in their life. Your memory, your words, your actions can live on after you die. It doesn't just end there.
Lastly, I think the biggest lesson i've learned is not to live to make yourself happy but live to make others happy. not only are you helping others, but through your random acts of kindness, you're making a difference to someone else. it could possibly give your life more meaning if you allow yourself to see it like that. basically, try not living life as if everything should just "go your way" and everything should be handed to you or something. life doesn't work like that.

anyways, good luck.

 

[datalink7]

Amazing... I felt exactly the same last night.

Sometimes I have the hardest times going to sleep. I sit there thinking of the end and wondering what will happen next. Is there even a next? What is the point of doing anything.

What I try to grasp onto is logic. It would be logical to throw it all away. You only get one chance, and what is the point of giving up? You might as well make the best of a sh!tty situation (this being life). Life sucks the big one. But it would be illogical to give up, because you ain't getting another chance.

 

[Maleficus]

Originally posted by: idNut
Been having a very hard time getting along lately. I find everything pointless and in vain. Why experience joy or happiness when it will be washed away at our death? All of the pleasure will be forgotten and lost; our meaning lost. All I think is nothing's essential. I can't think about anything else because when I'm trying to concentrate on something that requires thought I just think to myself "None of this will matter when I die. How will I know what goes on?" and madness sweeps over me. To know that my existence is completely futile brings me nothing but sheer misery. I have nothing to take pride in since it will be gone in mere seconds.

I haven't been happy in God knows when. All I've felt is depression and emptiness. Everyone tells me "Hey man, go out and get wasted. Forget about things, you're too sensitive.". That or I get the occasional "You're insane.". I do, in fact, lose touch with reality from time to time; so deep in the thoughts of nothingness that I forget this existence and when I come back I am shocked and confused. I sink in the turmoil because it seems my memory has been erased and then it all comes back at once as if nothing had happened. I told my psychologist about this but he didn't seem to take it as a serious "threat". I believe dysthymia fits my description: persistent depression that has symptoms such as fatigue, low self-esteem, insomnia, and appetite disturbances but is not severe enough to amount to a psychosis.

Don't know what's wrong with me. I seem to envy people and hate them for their happiness. I think I'm corrupt and Satan is playing with me. I seem to have a duel of personalities; one that desires happiness and righteousness and the other which yearns for hatred and misery. The truth is stretched with these "episodes" phasing in and out of me. I am not myself but yet I am. Any opinions would be welcomed but keep it civil, I don't feel like being insulted. I don't even know why I'm posting this. Lost all of my friends and have nowhere to turn.

I've felt like the majority of that ( pretty much just leave out the last paragraph) for umm ever basically. IDK i just dont really see a point in much of anything, I don't think there is a cure cause thats just the way things are and we have to accept it. You can fool yourself oh there is a meaning there is this there is that we can be happy... bullshit. there is nothing that i can see anyway.

 

[Stratum9]

The answer is in my quote.
|
V

 

[Maleficus]

Originally posted by: TheShiz
you have to find something you enjoy. Society seems to try and tell us when we should feel good and what defines "success." It is all a bunch of garbage though because those things are different for all of us. A major problem I see right now, especially in America is this quest for crap. Everyone has to have more and more things that they don't need. Then one day you realize that things don't make you happy. Also, a lot of the things people spend their time in are pretty worthless also. Say spending a ton of time working a cubicle job in a corporation, in that situation you lose one of the most satisfying things in life, creativity. I'm not saying that listening to music, reading books, or watching movies and such is worthless, but creating something of your own is infinitely more satisfying. So I suggest you find a creative outlet for how you feel and express your feelings, your post here is a start.

Tim

And what happens when you run out of things you enjoy...

Used to enjoy building and tinkering with computers... not anymore
Used to enjoy watching movies rarely do that anymore just dont want to
Used to enjoy hanging out with my friends maybe even having a casual conversation... not anymore

What happens when you lose all interest?

 

[Maleficus]

Originally posted by: gopunk
maybe you should find jesus... or some other religion (just don't come back and try to convert me)

Why experience joy or happiness when it will be washed away at our death?

because joy and happiness are the best options we have. you can either be happy and die or be depressed and die. which one do you choose? i choose the former.

i still think religion is your best hope though. life is meaningful if you believe that god has a plan for you.

I think if you can truly believe in it this is the best path also, when i was a child and i blindly believed in the catholic faith i know i was a happy person. I can't believe that anymore why i dont know... I go to church every sunday out of obligation i stopped getting anything out of church years and years ago

 

[Maleficus]

I think if you were ot throw away all fear and seperate yourself from "obvious logic" and the like (something which i dont think anyone can do) that person would see a horrible and disgusting place and would realize the best thing to do would probably just live for pleasure and most any cost, kind of a disgusting thought but i also think it is somewhat true, i dont know how to say what i am thinking hrm.

will edit later

 

[AShadeOfClear]

Meaninglessness can be very liberating in a way. What a burden having a purpose must be. Embrace your meaninglessness and be free.

"You are not just a meaningless fragment in an alien universe, briefly suspended between birth and death, allowed a few short-lived pleasures followed by pain and ultimate annihilation. Underneath your outer form, you are connected with something so vast, so immesurable and sacred, that it cannot be conceived or spoken of"

I think lirion is right. Our ego's live in a constant state of desire and fear, The ego's ultimate fear is annihilation. The key is to not find yourself in your ego, in the world of gain and loss, of birth and death. Liberate yourself from your burden by dying psychogically. Die to all of your expectations, responsibilites, desires, and end the resistance that you feel inside. What is left will be the real you. Accept everything the present moment contains as if you have chosen it. It makes no sense to resist the reality of what is.

Well, It's easier said, I am not able to do this.