Next time I'm giving birth, I might just start fapping.
And risk tapping the baby's fontanelles? Careful, you might create another R_____. (eligionut, epublican, etard,...etc.)
I'm no expert at masturbation, but I hold my own.
Oh no here come the puns...
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack & Jill. However, Both Jack & Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick.
So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma.
"Hey Jill, I have a problem."
"Ok boss, what is it?" she asks
"I can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?"
"Well, you'd better get the Vaseline, I'm going home!"