Man arrested for allegedly getting it on with a picnic table

[RapidSnail]

*Scene I - "Wood Sex-Date"*


Erect Wood: "Hello thar, how about some hot wood on wood action over by the fireplace? I can bring the dog in. I know the barking makes you hot."

Pile of Wood: ...*wood noise*

Erect Wood: "After we can watch your favorite Splint Eastwood flick: The Wood, the Bad, and the Ugly."

Pile of Wood: ...*wood noise with slight variation*


*Scene II: "After Months of Nailing"*


Flacid Wood: "Look what you've become! So large and unappealing, so white! I'm leaving!"

Picnic Table: ...*picnicky sob*


*Scene III: "$20,000 Bond"*


Flacid Wood: *arrested*

Picnic Table: ...*picnicky laugh*


*End*

 

[purbeast0]

wow that is some crazy stuff.

but i also find it pretty amusing that everyone is all OMG MY CHILD MAY HAVE SEEN A PENIS!

 

[paulxcook]

Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow that is some crazy stuff.

but i also find it pretty amusing that everyone is all OMG MY CHILD MAY HAVE SEEN A PENIS!

If I had children I would prefer that a freak like this not be anywhere near them.

 

[Linux23]

Where does the man salsa go?

:shocked:

 

[Platypus]

wood on wood?

 

[nakedfrog]

Somebody get this man a fleshlight!

 

[Nitemare]

?

 

[RightIsWrong]

I wonder what his ATOT s/n is?

On a side note.....

What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

So if you live near a school and you and the missus or fella forget to close the blinds you can be charged with a felony?

 

[ElFenix]

was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

between 10:30 and noon, shouldn't the kids be in the school?

 

[Jeeebus]

As a member of the IPIPFS (International Penis In Patio Furniture Society), I am outraged by the continued discrimination that is perpetrated against my fellow members. What kind of Orwellian society do we live in where a man can't make sweet, sweet love to an umbrella hole!?

 

[destrekor]

Originally posted by: George P Burdell
What about splinters?

:shocked:
thats what I was thinking


why do these things always happen in Ohio.
I usually think of Ohio as a mostly civilized land. Hell, most of the farm communities aren't exactly backwards. I gots me family that lives in one of dem.

+

 

[kotss]

This brings new meaning to having a woody!

 

[Bootprint]

Maybe his wife knew about his fetish and told him that he needed to get out more.

 

[moshquerade]

i don't see the attraction. maybe he was experimenting to see if it would kill ants.

 

[UNCjigga]

Wow. His friends will never let this one go.

"Hey Carol! I'd like you to meet my friends John, Patrick, and Art--we call ol' Art here Splinterdick though...funny story..."

 

[Capt Caveman]

Forniphilia: sexual objectification in which a person's body is incorporated into a piece of furniture

 

[clamum]

:laugh:

That's gotta suck so bad... you'd never live that down.

 

[Kev]

Can't wait to try that

 

[Baked]

Lucky bastard, he must be saving a ton on hole saws.

 

[Miramonti]

Somewhere out there, a woman is questioning her child rearing abilities, while a father who loves picnics is realizing more things are hereditary than he once thought.

 

[Xstatic1]

he shoulda used a Fleshlight instead.