lock please!

[Kalpana]

strictly girls perspective:

Okie..I am a romance bookoholic. I love reading them...they are just a nice get away from the rigors of this life. I read other books too obviously, but when life becomes a strain I pickup a romance book...something hot and steamy. But the point is I am not any less happy with my relationship with my bf; I love him and I know he loves me. Hell, our lives are probably more of a romance novel with the disproving parents and the hidden rendevouz 🙂 but I still like reading them. It is just something I like to do on my own time.

I think it is very similar with him and his porn. IF that is what he wants to do once in a while than it is fine. I don't know..I know my bf looks at porn.

Oh I got it..I think I had issues with it before too. I remember now...when I first found porn on his kazaa I was rather insulted. But than I watched some with him...and they are just soooo damn STUPID...I just couldn't help getting over my paranoia. Sometimes we watch them together too...but when it comes down to it I know he prefers me to porn and only resorts to it when I am not around. So shrug..whatever.

Grin..I am probably worse since I read romance novels while he is sitting right next to me...
BTW...I think romance novel for girls is what porn is for guys. We ride on emotions and scenario while they are totally visual.

 

[Placer14]

Hey Act, found this article written by a 30-ish bisexual female porn clerk who has a little insight for you. Maybe this helps.

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Here's what I've learned in my year-and-change as a porn clerk: men like porn.

Admittedly, my sample is skewed because many men come to our store just for the porn and have other accounts elsewhere, but almost all of the men that come in do eventually go down to the porn section. And I don't mean "almost all" in the 90% sense, I mean all but maybe two since I've started working there.

This is a lesson because I now understand that pretty much any man I date is going to at least occasionally rent and enjoy porn. I don't think a lot of women have fully dealt with that. If one reads the advice columns, a lot of women can't even deal with the idea that their mate masturbates at all. Ladies, please. Chill out.

What the porn section has taught me that I think many women don't understand is that porn is a physical thing for guys, not an emotional one. It seems to be a quick, physical release. It's a way of feeling good and making sure the plumbing is still in good working order and that's about it. With the exception of the addicts, I don't think it has any more significance than grabbing a burger when you're hungry or standing up and stretching when you've been trapped in a car all day.

Many women are jealous of or threatened by porn, and we shouldn't be. The key is the difference between your dog, which is a Sheltie-terrier mix that hides under the bed during thunderstorms, has a passion for cat food and prefers tug-of-war to fetch, and the general dogness of the "dog" in the dictionary.

I think a woman in a porn movie, as a rule, is taken as a general woman rather than a specific woman. She is there to stand in for general womanness. (And, based the number of rewind fees I dish out, once the viewer comes she ceases to exist.)

I think guys rent porn as a way to have the pleasure of sex without the added complexity of having to tend to someone else's needs. Which doesn't mean that he's a bad guy or won't do plenty of tending later, it's just that right now he just wants to wolf down a burger.

In a way, a guy who is renting a porn video is courteously having his selfish sex on his own time so he won't bother you with it. And "selfish" isn't a bad thing here. It's also selfish to take a hot bath and read a book by yourself, but it's important to do that every now and then.

And besides, if you had a choice between your guy renting a video and renting a person, which would you choose?

Now that I've cleared up that little misunderstanding for all time, here's what men don't understand about porn: women do take it personally. When a woman sees your porn rental, she is likely to conclude that that is what you want. The sex act in question, the level of communication, the inflated porn body, all of it. In all likelihood she doesn't see the woman on the box as a convenient avatar of general woman-ness, she sees her as tangible proof that what the owner of said box really, truly wants is a nineteen-year-old emacaited blonde with enormous fake breasts and a deep desire to take it up the ass.

This is why a gentleman is very, very careful about leaving his porn lying around the house.

Communication can't hurt and all that, but screw that, I'm not an advice columnist. I just think, based on what I've seen, that men and women look at porn very differently and it can't hurt for both sides to take that into account.

I think it's cool when couples rent porn together, and I'm impressed with how much they had to do to get there, or with what I hope they did, anyway.

I know it's fashionable to say that men and women are fundamentally different again - God, I cannot wait for that particular social pendulum to swing back - but I don't think they are, or at least not in this case. I think attitudes toward porn have a lot to do with socialization. There's a pressure to overpersonalize sex on one side, and to depersonalize it on the other. As always, I think moderation in all things is a good way to go.

Figuring this out has helped me understand my customers better, I think. Knowing the guy is watching for general sex and not specific sex makes it easier to see why we have those four-hour clip jobs of just come shots. Keeping in mind that what our clients are renting is physical and not emotional or mental keeps me from caring too much about what they're renting, and in many ways that detachment is a key part of my job. (Trust me - the guy with the Iowa driver's license and the wedding ring does *not* want me to care about the fact that he's renting gay porn.)

In a way, I keep learning the same lesson over and over again: just because people's tastes don't match mine doesn't mean they're wrong. Soon, I hope, it'll stick.