lock please!

[Lola]

done.

 

[MustangSVT]

hmm im sure we do have few pyschologists here .. but what do u expect?

I think you want us to say what you want to hear to reassure yourself.

but then again, its 8am on saturday morning

my suggestion is for you to become sexier or accept the fact you can not prevent porn.

 

[Analog]

Could it be just an instinctive reaction to be attracted to sexually arousing material? Or could it be the thrill of doing it knowing it may not be the right thing to do?

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: MustangSVT
hmm im sure we do have few pyschologists here .. but what do u expect?

I think you want us to say what you want to hear to reassure yourself.

but then again, its 8am on saturday morning

my suggestion is for you to become sexier or accept the fact you can not prevent porn.

I dont know how to become any sexier.. i think i do a pretty good job at it actually..that is what i am getting at... i dont know what else to do. I just hoped i was enough and it feels to me like i am not.

and, no, i dont want anyone to reasure me. If need be i need people telling me the truth!

 

[Geekbabe]

You need to keep in mind the fact that men are visual creatures.His reading material is none of your business and not your concern.The other side of the coin here is that knowing this issue bothers you he should be discrete enough to not be viewing the stuff in front of you.

Also,when was the last time a 2D image rubbed your back or cooked you breakfast or the 101 other cool things women in real time do for men? Relax,there's no comparision

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
You need to keep in mind the fact that men are visual creatures.His reading material is none of your business and not your concern.The other side of the coin here is that knowing this issue bothers you he should be discrete enough to not be viewing the stuff in front of you.

Also,when was the last time a 2D image rubbed your back or cooked you breakfast or the 101 other cool things women in real time do for men? Relax,there's no comparision

Its not as though he has anything "out in the open" but my problem is that i feel i am not doing my job as the girlfriend in that aspect. I want to make him happy and please him because i love him. It just really hurts.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: ActPrincess

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
You need to keep in mind the fact that men are visual creatures.His reading material is none of your business and not your concern.The other side of the coin here is that knowing this issue bothers you he should be discrete enough to not be viewing the stuff in front of you.

Also,when was the last time a 2D image rubbed your back or cooked you breakfast or the 101 other cool things women in real time do for men? Relax,there's no comparision

Its not as though he has anything "out in the open" but my problem is that i feel i am not doing my job as the girlfriend in that aspect. I want to make him happy and please him because i love him. It just really hurts.

This issue has nothing to do with your skills as a g/friend,sometimes solo pleasure,quick release without having to be concerned about another person's needs is what the doctor ordered.Sex is a lot like dining,sometimes we have a 7 course meal,other times we grab a cheap hamburger

 

[Red Dawn]

Looking at Porn for some guys is like looking at a Car Wreck. They just can't help themselves. Besides, maybe you significant other can pick up some pointers on new positions!

 

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: ActPrincess

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
You need to keep in mind the fact that men are visual creatures.His reading material is none of your business and not your concern.The other side of the coin here is that knowing this issue bothers you he should be discrete enough to not be viewing the stuff in front of you.

Also,when was the last time a 2D image rubbed your back or cooked you breakfast or the 101 other cool things women in real time do for men? Relax,there's no comparision

Its not as though he has anything "out in the open" but my problem is that i feel i am not doing my job as the girlfriend in that aspect. I want to make him happy and please him because i love him. It just really hurts.

This issue has nothing to do with your skills as a g/friend,sometimes solo pleasure,quick release without having to be concerned about another person's needs is what the doctor ordered.Sex is a lot like dining,sometimes we have a 7 course meal,other times we grab a cheap hamburger

Geekbabe really hit the nail on the head. Sex is good, but sometimes, guys want a quick one to just bang out, and that's it. Maybe they have to be somewhere in 15 minutes. Maybe they had a stressful day at work. I don't know.

Personally, I almost never look at porn, but I doubt your boyfriend is doing it to replace you. It's just something that sex can't accomplish: a quick, stress-free, and private way to uh...get yourself off. Honestly - don't be too concerned, as it most likely has absolutely nothing to do with your satisfying of his needs.

 

[SilverThief]

I agree. Porn can actually be educational.
At least thats what I tell my wife.

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
This issue has nothing to do with your skills as a g/friend,sometimes solo pleasure,quick release without having to be concerned about another person's needs is what the doctor ordered.Sex is a lot like dining,sometimes we have a 7 course meal,other times we grab a cheap hamburger

Even a cheap hamburger involves someone elses' buns.

I can understand why you would feel this way. You want to know that you satisfy him completely, that you are "enough". His viewing of pornography violates that sense of security.

I don't really have any easy answers. I have no doubt that you are a beautiful, intelligent, attentive woman, enough to satisfy any of his "needs". However, for a guy, I think there is a fantasy factor involved, not because you're in any way inadequate, but because there is just a natural desire to do/see/experience things outside the realm of everyday life.

 

[FoBoT]

why do you want to "over come this" ?

if that is the way you feel, just don't have a relationship with a man that does that stuff

you will have to look longer, and may have to look for a religious man, but there are men , both religious and non-religious that understand your feelings about that stuff

if you want to change, you probably will have to go to years of therapy

Originally posted by: ActPrincess
Can't you control your own body if you know it makes your girlfriend so upset?

most men can't or won't, most choose not to try. since most people today feel it isn't immoral, then what is the motivation? just to make you happy? well most people today are very self centered and selfish, so they won't be interested in imposing that much self control just for you , when society tells them p0rn and endless masturbation is fine and dandy

maybe find a buddist or one of those type people that practice extreme self control techniques

 

[Tinkerhell]

Originally posted by: ActPrincess
DO NOT FLAME!!!! i would like some serious comments, and lets keep it adult...


For some reason, i cannot stand the thought of a sig-other looking at porn. It seriously makes me sick (literally) to know that.
I understand that the "need for sex" is a basic human instinct, but it makes me feel like i am worthless if they need to look at someone else to be sexually fulfilled. I feel like I am not good enough.

This is not an issue of not "getting enough" either.

Please help me over come this because i really don't want to pay oodles of money to a sex therapist.
Do all men do this? Can't you control your own body if you know it makes your girlfriend so upset?

Please give me your input becuase i don't want this, MY problem to interfear with an otherwise good relationship

I know how you feel. If my boyfriend was looking at porn I'd feel the same way you described. I think if a guy is in a serious relationship and his girlfriend doesn't like the idea of him looking at pron, then he shouldn't.

 

[theAnimal]

If it makes you sick, you need to let him know. If he doesn't respect your feelings, he doesn't respect you. Give him a choice, me or your porn.

Or maybe switch his porn with gay porn.

 

[PatboyX]

yeah porn will never replace a human being. if that is the case, then the person who is doing the replacing has some serious social issues. well, it seems that your problem is with him looking at it, not he existence of porn. so...it might be easier to solve your problem (i dated a girl who was polically opposed to porn...that is a hard argument to get into)..maybe you could ask that the porn not be evident to you, not something that you are exposed to in relation to this guy...

 

[gururu]

I have two conflicted thoughts on this:
1) Your boyfriend needs more help than you do for two possible reasons:
a) He is addicted to porn
b) He doesn't respect your opinion (or you for that matter), and will never abandon this habit.

2) Big deal....so he looks at porn. Its everywhere nowadays with less social criticism than ever. and it is basically free.
Are you worried about your ability to hold this man or are you seriously questioning his moral standings?

The problem I see with your situation is this. If you force him to stop looking at porn, he may be spiteful. This or his need to replace porn might lead him to cheat on you if not eventually leave you. If you let him continue, you are going to grow to despise this habit and him and you'll be miserable.

Now, he may outgrow it eventually as he gets older and his mind starts to get more control of his body. But, until then you are in a world of hurt.

My opinion. Dump the guy, find someone more mature.

 

[isekii]

maybe you're just overreacting ?

it's not like he's running around cheating on you.

So what if he looks at porn, all he's doing is looking.
Do you feel that insecure ?

Most if not all guys are gonna look at pretty and sexual things.
Why not talk to him and just have him not do it when you're around.

 

[dxkj]

What do you look like? Are you good looking? Are you attractive?


If not... don't worry. Your BF isnt going to hook up with any of these porn chicks. If you guys are still having sex enough, then I wouldnt worry.


1) Tell him what you think about him looking at porn, dont tell him he has to stop, but if he respects you enough he probably will. Sex and real lady vs porn pic/movie + hand..... guess who will win out.

 

[iamme]

ActPrincess, have you talked openly to your boyfriend about how you feel? I know it may be uncomfortable talking to him about porn, but maybe he needs to hear how much it hurts you.

 

[OutHouse]

This not a flame and I am serious in asking.

What did you hope to gain by asking us this?

A. We tell you are in secure in your feelings and with your SO looking at porn he is going to go out and cheat on you because you feel inadequate?

or

B. Agree with you, and tell you that he is a sick perv who doesn?t deserve you?

those are the only two answers you are going to get here.

 

[iamme]

btw, this has nothing to do with how you look, how you satisfy him, how socially acceptable porn is, becoming "sexier" or anything like that.

he's doing something that's hurting you. he should think about how much you mean to him and decide if he's willing to stop watching porn. if he wants to, but can't, maybe he's addicted. then, it's an issue he needs to address and maybe get help.

 

[Spac3d]

Originally posted by: isekii
maybe you're just overreacting ?

it's not like he's running around cheating on you.

So what if he looks at porn, all he's doing is looking.
Do you feel that insecure ?

Most if not all guys are gonna look at pretty and sexual things.
Why not talk to him and just have him not do it when you're around.

 

[Placer14]

Act,
In cases and all suggestions given here, the best thing you can always do is talk the situation out. It's not uncommon for you to feel that way, however, asking him to put porn aside for you (although it might not seem like an unreasonable request) it's like asking him to stop doing something he enjoys. Like it was suggested, he may become spiteful.

Maybe a compromise can be met so that if he wants to enjoy his porn, he can enjoy it to himself. Worse comes to worse, (and I realize this is trite coming from a person that isn't involved int he sitaution), if you're unhappy and he's unwilling to budge, then IMO, the relationship isn't worth persuing.

Good luck.

 

[isekii]

Originally posted by: Placer14
Act,
In cases and all suggestions given here, the best thing you can always do is talk the situation out. It's not uncommon for you to feel that way, however, asking him to put porn aside for you (although it might not seem like an unreasonable request) it's like asking him to stop doing something he enjoys. Like it was suggested, he may become spiteful.

Maybe a compromise can be met so that if he wants to enjoy his porn, he can enjoy it to himself. Worse comes to worse, (and I realize this is trite coming from a person that isn't involved int he situation), if you're unhappy and he's unwilling to budge, then IMO, the relationship isn't worth pursuing.

Good luck.

why does he have to be the one that gives something up ?
it looks as she's the one that has a problem with it. why not a compromise?
nowadays looking at porn is nothing.

He ain't out cheating on her or anything. In all honesty I think she's being way uptight about something that shouldn't even be an issue.

 

[loup garou]

Why don't you watch it with him? That's what my gf does.