- Jun 17, 2001
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Jesse Jackson's Race Card Revoked
Self-Righteous Ass Finally Maxes Out His License to Soapbox
By The Incomprehensible Snowman
Long Beach Grunion
Political Activist Jesse Jackson was surprised to find that the race card that he has relied upon for years had been revoked this past week. It seems that when the Reverend expressed his dissatisfaction over the supposed racist content in the hit film The Barbershop--a comedy written and produced by African-Americans--he finally contradicted himself so egregiously that his license to put his foot in his mouth about black issues had to be rescinded.
According to Jackson, the loss of his valuable race card was not surprising.
"[On the day in question] I woke up feeling good about myself, and I was just about to ask one of my mistresses to make me some coffee when I thought, 'Oh, shlt! The Barbershop was made by black filmmakers,'" Jackson related at a recent press conference. "Shortly after I realized the mistake I had made, Johnnie Cochrane and Al Sharpton showed up at my door and confiscated the card."
Of the encounter, Jackson expressed a distinct fear for his own safety. "Al looked real pissed," he said. "I was afraid he was going to kill me, and I knew that if he did, he could get away with it, because Johnnie could get him acquitted." The confrontation ended without any violence, but Jackson still breathed a sigh of relief, "not for myself, you understand, but for my poor, defenseless concubine and our many illegitimate children."
"I had that card on the day that Martin Luther King was shot," Jackson continued, his voice brimming with confidence. "In fact, I even smeared some of his blood on it. I'd show you, but, well, I don't have it anymore."
Still, Jackson vows to reaffirm his commitment to the tireless and thankless task of making anything and everything into a race issue, license or no. "They can take my card, but even though it's an atrocity, they'll never strip me of my negrocity," Jackson promised in another display of his famous knack for coming up with nauseating rhymes.
[insert jj pic here]
?Look into my eyes...the First Amendment is meaningless...?
Self-Righteous Ass Finally Maxes Out His License to Soapbox
By The Incomprehensible Snowman
Long Beach Grunion
Political Activist Jesse Jackson was surprised to find that the race card that he has relied upon for years had been revoked this past week. It seems that when the Reverend expressed his dissatisfaction over the supposed racist content in the hit film The Barbershop--a comedy written and produced by African-Americans--he finally contradicted himself so egregiously that his license to put his foot in his mouth about black issues had to be rescinded.
According to Jackson, the loss of his valuable race card was not surprising.
"[On the day in question] I woke up feeling good about myself, and I was just about to ask one of my mistresses to make me some coffee when I thought, 'Oh, shlt! The Barbershop was made by black filmmakers,'" Jackson related at a recent press conference. "Shortly after I realized the mistake I had made, Johnnie Cochrane and Al Sharpton showed up at my door and confiscated the card."
Of the encounter, Jackson expressed a distinct fear for his own safety. "Al looked real pissed," he said. "I was afraid he was going to kill me, and I knew that if he did, he could get away with it, because Johnnie could get him acquitted." The confrontation ended without any violence, but Jackson still breathed a sigh of relief, "not for myself, you understand, but for my poor, defenseless concubine and our many illegitimate children."
"I had that card on the day that Martin Luther King was shot," Jackson continued, his voice brimming with confidence. "In fact, I even smeared some of his blood on it. I'd show you, but, well, I don't have it anymore."
Still, Jackson vows to reaffirm his commitment to the tireless and thankless task of making anything and everything into a race issue, license or no. "They can take my card, but even though it's an atrocity, they'll never strip me of my negrocity," Jackson promised in another display of his famous knack for coming up with nauseating rhymes.
[insert jj pic here]
?Look into my eyes...the First Amendment is meaningless...?
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