Living with depression *updated*

[SlickSnake]

Let Jared Meet Jared

While you might think this is a coy response, it's not. He can't hope to turn his life around and successfully date if he's not attractive to anyone. He can only change his self image if he wants to change it, in the first place. You can't make him change, and it's not your job to do it. Don't let his problems weigh you down on some guilt trip. Pardon the pun.

All you can hope to do is put him in touch with other people who have been or are in the same boat as him, like some support group. People with issues are famous for excessive eating to find some happiness in their lives. This only makes matters worse, when it leads to obesity and an even lower self image. Food is most likely his emotional crutch, and he needs to radically change his eating habits.

It sounds to me like he is in the wrong environment at this stage in his life and you have to deal with the bigger emotional issues first, before you try deal with the smaller ones like a higher education.

But being around people with seemingly no problems can only make his problems seem worse than they really are. He needs to take a few steps back and reevaluate his lifestyle before he puts himself into these situations, if he is easily hurt by criticism and feels ostracized from others due to his weight.

 

[livingsacrifice]

This guy sounds too much like me except for the overweight part. I would recommend some type of councilling, it's always interesting on peoples web pages and blogs they post and how you never really see that from the way they interact with you day to day. Yep he needs to make those decisions for himself to change and not you, you might be able to guide him since your a good friend though. I have tried this a few times on some of my friends about education and it has changed them for the better. Good luck to him though.

 

[Shadowknight]

Get him to go to the school counselor; they can help.

 

[Modelworks]

Encourage him to go to the schools counselor.
If he won't go, then contact the schools counselor and tell them what is going on.

If he gets pissed because you went to the counselor, then he will just have to get pissed. When your in the grasp of depression you don't see the world correctly.
Everything is distorted and appears to suck.

I know the easy thing to do would be just to ignore the guy and I'm amazed at the people that have posted saying to just go on about your business that you don't need that kind of aggrivation. You can do that, but you don't seem like the kind of person that would be comfortable doing so.


If he ever makes any suicidal comments like " I wish I wasn't alive" or "I might as well be dead", defenitely contact the schools counselor.

Right now the guy needs a friend and if you can help him then I applaud your efforts.

I have had depression for 19 years now. I can tell you it sucks more than people that don't have it can imagine.

 

[Modelworks]

Originally posted by: DeathBUA
However IMHO as a nurse, just hope he takes his meds and do your own thing. It's his life and if u try and intercede too much you may insult him and make him hate you. Depression is a tricky thing and hey if he wants to be miserable that is HIS choice.

Please tell me where you work as a nurse.
I want to make damn sure I don't go there.

Depression and being miserable is HIS choice ?
WTF ?
Do you know anything about depression.
I guess you feel like people with depression just want to have it, they think its fun, its their choice ?

People with depression do not see the world correctly.
Perceptions are distorted. They don't want to be that way, but they often feel trapped, like there is no way out. They sometimes need help from a friend who can see the situation clearly to help them along until they can see it clearly too.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

ohhhh.....brother......I can't say anything nice so I'm biting my tongue.

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: Modelworks
Please tell me where you work as a nurse.
I want to make damn sure I don't go there.

Depression and being miserable is HIS choice ?
WTF ?
Do you know anything about depression.
I guess you feel like people with depression just want to have it, they think its fun, its their choice ?

People with depression do not see the world correctly.
Perceptions are distorted. They don't want to be that way, but they often feel trapped, like there is no way out. They sometimes need help from a friend who can see the situation clearly to help them along until they can see it clearly too.

I don't think I can really agree with this. I was diagnosed as depressed about a year and a half ago (I had been depressed for a long time but finally decided I'd do something about it). I went to doctors, got meds and you know what... nothing worked.

Do you know how I fixed it? I stopped caring. The thing about depression that really gets you is the fact that you care so much about all these various aspects of life that really... you don't even need to care about. Now removing the result of the depression doesn't get rid of it, but it stops it from making your life such a downer. You may wonder... why exactly does not caring help? It seems that almost all the angst from depression stems from the depressed person looking at someone else and thinking "them > me" because they'll see some various thing like a nice car... nice clothes... hot girlfriend or whatever. But in reality... why do these things even matter? That's the point you need to try to get across. Why does it matter? He thinks he doesn't fit in because he sees himself as different yet his idea of different means that he's worse.

When it comes to getting people like that out... well I can say for me, people tried to get me out to do things. You know what they ended up doing... pissing me off! I didn't want to be bothered half the time and that's all they ended up being... a bother. Not to mention, all their actions were just doing what they thought was good for me or what they wanted.

I think depression for me is biological though. I've been thinking about this a lot and I believe my father was also suffering from depression for quite awhile. Although I think his depression outlet was more of anger than anything. He was a fairly active person in events and outgoing to some degree, but the fact that he always saw his life as a failure because of where he was had to have been the problem. Of course I can't ask him though .

 

[Modelworks]

Thats great that you solved your depression by not caring about it.
But that doesn't work for everyone.
And certainly not the severely depressed.

I'm not talking about feeling bad because someone else has it better than you .
Being so depressed that you can't think straight.
Once you reach that state you don't care what other people have.
There is no picking yourself up without a hand there to help.
To say people that are that depressed are doing it because its their choice is insulting. They often can't see there is any other choice.

 

[cheezy321]

Originally posted by: Cogman

Originally posted by: Farang
How many dates am I supposed to have had 3 weeks into a semester?

well, I've had 1 with a girl I met at the beginning of the semester, and the rest of my roommates have had at least on. I go to a school where dating is a fairly big thing.

Do you go to a mormon school?

Screwing is a fairly big thing at my college. Ive done that a couple times in the last 3 weeks, does that count?

I cut out the middleman (dates) and go straight for the gold!

 

[Q]

I am a little confused, he is 23, so are you in grad school? If he hates it there, transfer to somewhere he is more comfortable?

 

[Aikouka]

Originally posted by: Modelworks
Thats great that you solved your depression by not caring about it.
But that doesn't work for everyone.
And certainly not the severely depressed.

I'm not talking about feeling bad because someone else has it better than you .
Being so depressed that you can't think straight.
Once you reach that state you don't care what other people have.
There is no picking yourself up without a hand there to help.
To say people that are that depressed are doing it because its their choice is insulting. They often can't see there is any other choice.

How can you say that my method won't work? It worked for me when counseling (what a joke... I did more in an hour of thinking than they did in months) and drugs did nothing but mandate that I shouldn't drink ( ). But I guess you ignored what the kid wrote in that really, really long note. He made remarks about not fitting in... about how the others just weren't like him... yet I don't recall a single blurb about him actually being ostracized. In other words, it's all in his head. Like I mentioned, trying to put off the negative thinking doesn't necessarily solve the problem nor will it make you more social. Hell, I still enjoy sitting at home more than I do going out (and nicely, I save quite a bit of money doing that too ).

I used to be like this kid (although I was never so damn emo about it posting shit like that online). I cared about things that really made no sense to care about and it always got me down. Like I said, not caring removes all those downers, but it doesn't necessarily fix the underlying problem. I'm also pondering that the idea of losing weight would possibly be bad for him. It may sound weird at first, but think of it this way... if he loses weight and sees no change in his attractiveness toward women (which can happen because he's not exactly socially astute), that'll just make him worse! Because he'll see, "Oh hey, I got rid of what made me repulsive and they still don't want me /wrists." It ain't logical to think that the first woman you see will fawn all over you, but they don't think properly in those areas!

 

[Modelworks]

Originally posted by: Aikouka



How can you say that my method won't work? It worked for me when counseling (what a joke... I did more in an hour of thinking than they did in months) and drugs did nothing but mandate that I shouldn't drink ( ). But I guess you ignored what the kid wrote in that really, really long note.

I didn't say it wouldn't work.
I said it doesn't work for everyone.

He made remarks about not fitting in... about how the others just weren't like him... yet I don't recall a single blurb about him actually being ostracized. In other words, it's all in his head. Like I mentioned, trying to put off the negative thinking doesn't necessarily solve the problem nor will it make you more social. Hell, I still enjoy sitting at home more than I do going out (and nicely, I save quite a bit of money doing that too ).

Which proves the point.
He doesn't say he is being ostracized , yet he still feels he is.
As you said, its all in his head.
Thats a hallmark of depression.
It distorts reality.

I didn't think I needed ot bring this up, but I'm not someone who has just been depressed and takes some meds.
Mine started 19 years ago when I was 19.
I ended up hospitalized for 6 months in a state institution, becuase I couldn't shake the depression. Eventually I got the right meds and counseling and went on to join the navy and get a degree in electrical engineering and then later changing over to the vfx market for film.

During the last 19 years I have spent probably a total of a two years working crisis and teen hotlines. Beleive me if this kid is already having to take medication, that he has stopped because he can't afford it, he's not going to get better by just not caring and ignoring the problem.

Thats what pissed me off so much about that nurses comment.
To say all those people I have spoken to on crisis and hotlines are that way because they choose to be miserable, makes me want to slap someone.

As for yourself you might want to read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C...ive_behavioral_therapy, its more along the lines of what you say you did to feel better. Its worked better for me than any medication, but I would not have been able to understand cbt without the medication.

 

[irishScott]

After reading the update:

Get him to a fricken psychologist, or to student counseling who can refer him to a psychologist. Now that he's made it public, you can just come out and say it. Make it a suggestion, not an order. Be normal about it, don't treat him with kid gloves.

I'm just recovering from 4 years of severe depression/insecurity. See my previous post for more details. I deteriorated until I saw a psychologist. The problem was in my core thoughts/principles, how I thought about basic things/actions. With the help of my psychologist and some low-scale meds (Lamictal, Ativan), I kicked the depression in 6 months. I'd been trying to kick on my own for 4 years.

Those years destroyed my high school life, and my first year of college. I'm only starting back as a second semester sophomore in a couple of weeks (I took a semester off on medical leave). This guy sounds exactly like I did. Only he actually recognizes that he's depressed. I denied it. He should easily make better progress than I ever did with the right treatment.

 

[Cogman]

I have told him to go see student consoling, he gave somewhat of an uncommitted "Yeah, I know". Ill keep on trying to work with him. He hasn't been around all day (which is slightly unusual)

 

[Modelworks]

Originally posted by: Cogman
I have told him to go see student consoling, he gave somewhat of an uncommitted "Yeah, I know". Ill keep on trying to work with him. He hasn't been around all day (which is slightly unusual)

:thumbsup: