Q: How many McDonalds employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "No habla Ingles"
Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "Why don't you just let us remove the entire socket -
you don't need it, and it'll just give you trouble later."
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
One to write the light bulb insertion program, and
One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that
nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many valley girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to open the diet Pepsi, the 2nd to call daddy.
Q: How many Jewish mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Oy Vey, my son doesn't love me, he has me living in the dark."
Q: How many Southern Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to change the bulb, 5 to share the experience, and five
to file the environmental impact statement.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb, and one to kill him and take the credit.
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Real men aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many Computer Programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that's a hardware problem.
Q: How many Computer hardware tech's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Gotta be a software problem.
A: Gee, I never saw this model before.
A: Hardware tech's don't change light bulbs, they install LED's.
A: Sorry, I don't have that part on the truck, we'll have to order it from the
factory - It'll take 4 weeks as they're on strike.
Q: How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to really want to change.
Q: How many White House staffers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They like to keep Ronnie in the dark.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "None of your %@$!^# business!"
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has to WANT to change.
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. But they have to be very, VERY, small!
Q: How many people from California does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
Q: How many programmers does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None, that's obviously a hardware problem.
Q: How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five, one to hold the bulb, and four to turn the ladder.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the
experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians
who have come up to relate to the experience.
Q: How many W.A.S.P.s does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.
Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. ("That's all right...I'll just sit here in the dark...")
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with
brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Fabulous."
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to
shoot the witness.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with
the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One third less than for a regular bulb.
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.
Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
Q: How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!!!
Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old
light bulb was.
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages
state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions
are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters
separated by blanks".
Q: How many <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other
screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back
on.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,0000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None; people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
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